Collection of Thoughts
by krystalsteph
Summary: A series of completely unrelated McSwarek one shots... Just some random stories I needed to get out. Each chapter has a different rating, but it is appropriately marked. Chapter Twenty: Sam rectifies his mistakes.
1. Bachelor Party (K Plus)

So, this story is basically a collection of random ideas I've had that I just needed to get out. It will be a bunch of one shots. They will likely all be AU with maybe a few that could be considered future fics. Some chapters may have a higher rating, but I will make sure to warn you if and when that happens. If anyone has any ideas, I always love to hear them!

Oh and don't worry, I haven't forgotten about my other stories. I've just had a lot of these written for a while and needed to get them out.

Disclaimer: Don't own Rookie Blue. Duh.

 **Chapter One: Bachelor Party**

 **===========Collection of Thoughts===========**

She's been tossing and turning all night. For someone who used to hate sleeping with another person, falling asleep is pretty much hopeless when Sam's arms aren't wrapped around her. And yeah, that realization should absolutely terrify her, but instead, it actually makes her smile. Lately, things between them have been just about perfect. They talk things out now; they tell each other how they feel; they don't hold back or run away; they're both all in, and she couldn't be happier.

But yeah, that also means that sleep isn't coming easy tonight.

So, when she hears him walk through the front door, she almost thinks she's dreaming. It's just that she wasn't expecting him. She can't remember the last night they spent apart and yeah, tonight has been so rough that she is half convinced she's imagining the fact that he has apparently decided to come home to her.

She glances at the clock and sees that it's 2:00 A.M. She lies back against her pillow and waits for him to come to her while a smile graces her lips. She chuckles when she hears him stumbling around her apartment. Yeah, he's definitely drunk.

Finally, he appears in her doorway.

"Hey," he says, when he sees that she's awake.

"Hey, I thought you were going to crash at Oliver's," she tells him, turning on her side to face him.

He shrugs as he undresses until he is wearing only his boxers. He slips into the bathroom and closes the door so the light doesn't bother her. She hears him brushing his teeth before he appears in front of her again. He quickly slides into bed beside her and wraps his arms around her.

"So, what are you doing here?" She asks with a smile.

"Wanted to see you," he informs her before pulling her in for a kiss. She smiles against his lips and snuggles up next to him after they pull away.

"You didn't drive, did you?" She asks.

"Took a cab," he tells her, with his eyes closed.

"Where's your truck?" She wonders.

"Hm…." He says, apparently needing a moment to think about it.

"You don't know?" She asks with wide eyes and a laugh.

"I'm sure it's somewhere," he shrugs, causing her to laugh out loud. Yeah, he is _definitely_ drunk. She doesn't get to see him like this very often, but she can't say she doesn't enjoy it when she does. She likes seeing him carefree and silly like this.

"Did you have fun?" She asks as she plays with the hairs on his chest.

"Mhm," he says with a small nod.

"Good… I just hope you didn't get any diseases from all of those strippers," she teases.

Even though his eyes are closed, she can see the way he's rolling them at her while a smirk plays on his lips. "There were _no_ strippers," he assures her, still refusing to open his eyes.

"No strippers? What kind of bachelor party doesn't have strippers?" She quips.

He lets out a chuckle, but decides not to respond to her question.

"So, what _did_ you guys do?" She probes.

"Played poker. Grilled some steaks… drank… a lot," he explains.

"That sounds like it could be any other night. You didn't go anywhere?" She inquires.

"Nope."

"That's kind of lame."

"Well I'll make sure my bachelor party is more exciting," he assures her.

Her jaw drops and she is completely speechless. She studies his face for a moment, wondering if he even realizes what he just said. She assumes that maybe he's even more drunk than she originally thought and yeah, she's not above taking advantage.

"Oh yeah? I didn't know you were getting married. Who is she?" She teases.

He opens his eyes and smiles at her.

"Should I be jealous?" She asks, when he doesn't answer her.

"Probably. She's pretty amazing," he informs her.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," he whispers before pulling her in for a kiss.

"So when is this bachelor party of yours?" She jokes when he pulls away.

He closes his eyes and shrugs before lying back on the pillow. "As soon as I can convince you to marry me," he tells her as if it's no big deal.

Her jaw drops again and she stares at him, absolutely speechless for the second time in just a couple minutes. Again, she's not sure if he even realizes what he's just said because he looks like he's about to fall asleep any minute.

"What makes you think I'd need convincing?" She eventually asks.

He opens his eyes again and looks at her for a second before responding. "Are you saying you don't?" He questions.

"I guess that depends…"

"On what?" He wonders.

"Are you going to have strippers at _your_ bachelor party?" She asks with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk.

"Well, I've heard that you can't really have a bachelor party without them," he quips, obviously pleased with himself.

"Hmm…" she says, not hiding her displeasure.

He lets out a chuckle. "I'm just kidding. Why would I need strippers when I'd much rather get a lap dance from you?" He asks. It's strange, but she feels like this conversation has somehow sobered him up a bit.

"And I pretty much strip for you whenever you want," she reminds him with a grin.

"That's true. How did I get so lucky?" he asks her before pulling her in for a kiss.

"Mm…" she murmurs against his lips. "And for the record, it really wouldn't take much convincing," she tells him, when she pulls away.

"Oh yeah?" He asks with a hint of surprise.

"Yeah, I think if you agreed to do the dishes for a week or two, I'd totally agree to marry you," she teases.

"Oh is that all?" He deadpans.

"Yep," she grins.

"Well, I guess that could be arranged," he tells her before leaning in for another kiss. She wraps her hand around the back of his neck to deepen the kiss and he happily obliges.

"I love you," he tells her when they part, his lips still hovering over hers.

"Love you, too," she tells him before he presses his lips against hers again.

When they part, he rests his head against the pillow again and closes his eyes, seemingly prepared for sleep. Andy, however, is fairly certain she's not getting any sleep tonight.

The room is silent for a few minutes, but he can feel her eyes on him. "Are you freaking out?" He asks, opening one eye to peek at her.

"What? No," she assures him. He raises an eyebrow, in response, apparently not too convinced.

"I'm not freaking out," she promises. "I'm just surprised," she admits.

"You're surprised… really?" He asks with a tone that's laced with its own surprise.

"Yes. I'm surprised. I didn't really think you really thought about this stuff," she explains.

"I think about it all the time," he confesses.

"You've never said anything," she points out.

"Didn't want to scare you," he shrugs.

"I'm not scared," she assures him.

"Okay… good," he says with a nod of his head.

"So… what else do you think about?" She probes.

"Lots of things… our future, mostly… what it'll look like," he explains.

"So what _does_ our future look like?" She wonders.

He smiles at her and considers her question for a moment before finally answering. "Oh, I don't know… in my imagination, we usually have a house… something with a big fenced in back yard so the dog could run around…"

"We'd have a dog?" She asks.

"Of course we'd have a dog," he says with a smile, which she immediately returns.

"What else?"

"And we'd get married and we'd have some kids," he continues.

"Kids? Really?"

"Yes… you don't want kids?" He asks her, trying to hide the hint of disappointment that's threatening to expose itself.

"No, I do… we'd have pretty cute kids," she grins.

"Of course we would," he agrees.

"They would have to have your dimples," she decides.

"And your eyes," he tells her. "And your smile. And your ridiculous amount of enthusiasm," he continues, causing her smile to grow even wider. "And probably your propensity to get into trouble," he says with a laugh. She playfully slaps his arm before leaning in for a kiss.

"And probably your sarcasm and your tendency to break the rules," she teases.

"Yeah, they'd probably be a handful, but they'd be ours and we'd love them more than anything," he tells her.

She didn't think her smile could get any bigger, but it does. His words are having a serious effect on her heart right now and she isn't sure how much more she can take. "Yeah, we would," she agrees.

"And we'd make sure that they had the kind of childhood that we never got, you know?" He asks her, stopping to glance at her for a moment. When she nods, he takes it as his cue to continue.

"We'd take them to the park on the weekends and we'd go on family vacations and we'd make sure that at least one of us was home to tuck them in and read them a bedtime story… And we'd have family dinners together and we wouldn't miss their hockey games or ballet recitals…" he continues.

"You've really given this some thought," she observes.

He stops and look at her. "Are you freaking out _now_?" He asks, slightly worried.

She shakes her head. "No, that actually sounds… perfect," she tells him.

"Yeah?" He asks with a smile.

"Yeah," she nods.

"I thought so," he says before leaning in for a kiss.

"So… when do you see this future of ours starting?" She wonders.

"Soon, I hope," he declares.

"I think I'd be okay with that," she tells him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she nods. "Uh, but just curious… how many kids are you thinking?" She asks.

"I don't know. Two? Three? Four?" He suggests.

"Probably two… _definitely_ no more than three," she tells him. "I'd kind of still like you to find me attractive after all of these kids," she laughs.

"I don't think it's possible for me not to find you attractive," he murmurs against her neck.

"I'll remind you that you said that once I'm so big I can't see my feet and I'm covered in spit up," she tells him.

"I think you'd rock the covered in spit up look," he smiles.

She lets out a laugh and cups his face so he'll meet her eyes. "So… you really want all of _that_ … with me?" She asks him.

"More than anything," he admits.

"Me too," she tells him.

"Yeah?"

She nods. "I love you," she tells him.

"Love you, too," he says before leaning in for a kiss.

When they pull away, she stares at him for a second, as if she's searching his eyes for answers.

"What?"

"I swear, if you don't remember this conversation tomorrow, I will kill you," she threatens, eliciting a laugh from the man beside her.

"Yeah, I can't see that happening," he promises.

"Better not," she retorts with a smile before leaning in for another kiss.

 **===========Collection of Thoughts===========**

Please review! And I'd love to hear ideas of scenes/one shots you'd like to see. I've got tons of ideas, but I can always use more!

So far, I have a few chapters written or mostly written. I'm listing them below, let me know which you'd like to see first!

So far, I have the following chapters completed or almost completed:

Andy suspects Sam is cheating on her;

A couple different proposal scenarios;

Sam and Andy play Truth or Dare;

Sam has to take care of a drunken Andy;

Sam lets Andy ask him as many questions as she wants;

Sam takes Andy to Leslie's apartment in Best Laid Plains episode;

Sam doesn't stay away during their suspension;

Sam is with Marlo, but he gets drunk and confesses his feelings for Andy;

Sam gets more than he bargained for during a game of Two Truths and a Lie;

Then, I also have the following chapters that have only been started:

Sam and Andy aren't together and get stuck in a blizzard during a prison transfer and have to stay at a hotel for the night;

Sam and Andy begin their own Christmas tradition;

Sam and Andy have sex in an Interrogation room after he breaks up with Marlo.

Let me know which ones you're interested in reading. And please give me some ideas of other one shots you'd like to see!

Thanks!


	2. Suspicion (K Plus)

Thanks for all of the amazing reviews! I appreciate every single one!  
And thanks for all of the suggestions and for letting me know which stories you'd like to see. I'll try to get to all of them!

But since there wasn't really a clear winner, I decided to go with this one because it was the most finished. Hope you like it!

=========Collection of Thoughts=========

"Hey Trace, where's Sam?" Andy asks as she bounces into the D's office. It's her day off and she decided to surprise Sam with lunch from his favorite burger place. She's been really missing him lately. He's been working a lot recently and she's been really missing him, so she thought it would be a nice surprise to have lunch together.

"What do you mean?" Tracy asks, shooting her a confused look.

"I mean… where is Sam?" Andy repeats, this time a little slower.

"Sam's not working today," Tracy informs her best friend.

"What? Are you sure?" Andy asks as she glances around the barn, just to check for herself.

"Uh… yeah… I've been here all day," Tracy says, giving her friend a weird look. "And he has not…" She adds.

"Oh, huh… weird, I must be confused," Andy shrugs, before turning on her heels and walking out of the D's office without saying another word.

The thing is though, she's definitely not confused. He definitely told her that he was working today. She's sure of it.

She immediately flips her phone open and hits speed dial three.

"Hey," he says happily.

"Hey… I was thinking about swinging by with lunch. You free?" She asks, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Thanks, but I actually just left the station and I'm on my way to a crime scene right now… Will probably be there for a while. How about we grab dinner tonight?" He suggests.

"You're not working late?" She inquires.

"No, I think I've worked enough late nights this week. I'll meet you at your place around six, okay?" He asks.

"Okay," she says, before hanging up. Her heart is pounding and she can't breathe. Her hands are shaking and she feels like she is definitely going to throw up. He just lied to her. Her mind is racing, trying to come up with any plausible reason he would have to lie to her, but she is coming up empty. There is only one explanation for why he would lie and it's making her extremely nauseous.

"McNally, you okay?" Oliver asks as he walks up to her.

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she assures him.

"Okay. Well, when you see Sammy, you tell him that I did not appreciate him bailing on poker night and I expect him to be at the next one," he says with a smile.

"Oh, he wasn't at poker night?" She asks, trying not to show her shock. He didn't go to poker night? He never missed poker night. And he didn't spend Saturday night with her, so where the hell was he if he wasn't at poker night?

"Yeah, can you believe that?" Oliver asks. "Ridiculous, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Listen, I gotta get going. Do you want these?" She asks, shoving the bag of food at Oliver before he even has a chance to respond. The second he takes the food, she bolts out the door.

For the next four hours, she alternates between curling up on the couch while sobbing into her ice cream and anxiously pacing around her apartment. There were even a few moments when she almost ran all the way to his place, let herself in with her key, and tore the entire place apart searching for clues- another woman's underwear, hotel reservations, an actual naked woman in his bed, etc. - but she is too terrified of actually finding something, so she just continues to pace and cry.

When she hears his truck pull up, she has no idea what to do. When she hears him unlocking her front door with his key, she sits on the couch and turns on the television. She's facing away from him on purpose, so he can't see her tear-stained face.

"Hey," he calls to her when he comes in.

"Hi," she responds, without looking at him. She's trying to wipe away all of her tears with the sleeve of her shirt, but she's pretty sure that her efforts are unsuccessful. You can't possibly erase hours of crying in just a few seconds.

He sets his stuff down on the table and walks into the kitchen to grab a beer. "How was work?" She asks.

"Crazy," he responds. She hears him fumbling around for her bottle opener.

"Oh, I never asked you about poker night. How was it?" She probes.

"It was okay. I walked away about fifty bucks richer," he informs her.

"That's nice," she says softly. He lied to her again. Two lies in the span of two seconds. There can't possibly be any other explanation than the one that's been floating around in her head for the past four hours.

That's when he walks towards her, put his beer on the coffee table and sits beside her on the couch. He immediately feels her tense up and looks over to her.

"Hey, what happened? Why are you crying?" He asks, when he sees her puffy red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"You've been lying to me," she tells him, forcing herself not to cry.

"Wh-what?" He asks, obviously caught off guard.

"You were not at work today and you did not go to poker night. You probably haven't even been working late," she accuses.

"I _have_ been working late," he replies.

"You've met someone else," she says. It's a statement, not a question.

"What! God, no… Andy, of course not… You don't actually think that, do you?" He asks her with complete desperation in his voice.

"What am I supposed to think?" She questions.

"Andy, I would never cheat on you. I love you. You _know_ that," he reminds her.

"I thought I did, but I also thought Luke loved me and would never cheat on me and we all know how that story ended," she reminisces.

"Andy, I'm _not_ Callahan," he declares.

"Then, _please_ , tell me why you've been lying to me. I'm been wracking my brain trying to come up with a reason that would explain why you'd lie to me that doesn't involve you being with another woman and I can't, so please… enlighten me," she dares him.

"I… I uh…" he stutters. He tries to come up with some plausible explanation other than the truth, but he can't.

"That's what I thought. Just get out," she sneers.

"Andy, no," he pleads.

"Sam, get out," she tells him again. She can't hold the tears back anymore, but she doesn't want him to see her cry, so she gets up and walks away.

She knows he's still sitting there, so without looking back at him, she warns him again. "I'm going to bed. Please, just _go_. And leave your key on the counter," she tells him before walking to her bedroom.

He is so stunned he can't even stand up. He's pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to figure out the best way to fix this. Eventually, he gets up and grabs the duffle bag he tossed on the floor when he came in. He digs through it until he finds what he's looking for and then makes his way to Andy's bedroom.

Her hot tears have soaked through her pillow by the time he walks in. The second he opens the door, she is yelling at him again.

"Sam, go away," she shouts. She's facing away from him, but he can hear the quiver in her voice and he knows she's crying.

"No," he tells her before walking to her side of the bed. He crouches down beside her and the light from the hallway has lit up her bedroom enough for him to see the tears running down her face. She's closing her eyes and he knows she's trying to hold back the sobs, but she isn't very effective.

"Andy, look at me," he pleads.

"No," she spits out.

"I want to explain."

"I don't want to hear it," she barks.

"Andy, I'm _not_ cheating on you. There is _no one_ else. There will _never_ be anyone else… I've been working a lot of overtime lately because I was… I was saving up for a… for a _significant_ purchase. And I skipped poker night because… because… well, I didn't want to lose the money I'd saved up. And I wasn't at work today because I finally saved enough money and I wanted to go… pick up the thing that I'd been saving for," he explains, picking his words carefully.

"You're not making any sense," she accuses.

" _Yes_ I am… Just look at me, please… look at me," he begs.

She sighs, but still doesn't open her eyes.

"Andy, I promise. I have a _really_ good reason for lying to you," he says, trying to coax her into opening her eyes.

She lets out another sigh and sits up as she opens her eyes. As she adjusts to the dimly lit room, Sam presents her with the small black box he's been holding. Her eyes dart from the box to his eyes and back to the box. He gestures for her to take the box and after a moment, she does. She takes a deep breath and slowly opens the box, while he watches for her reaction.

"Holy shit," she whispers.

"I told you," he says with a small smile.

"I…Wow," is all she can muster.

"I'm sorry I lied to you, but I wanted it to be a surprise," he explains as he brushes the tears away with his thumb.

"Well I'm definitely surprised," she admits.

"I can see that," he replies, while taking the box from her and placing it on her nightstand. He stands up and sits on the bed beside her, before grabbing both of her hands.

"I love you," he tells her. "And someday soon, when you aren't crying and you haven't been yelling at me, I'm going to ask you to marry me… And I really hope you say yes," he tells her, before leaning in for a quick kiss.

"I will," she assures him.

"Yeah?" He asks, exposing his dimples.

She nods and kisses him for a moment before pulling away. "Sorry I kind of flipped out," she apologizes.

"Kind of?" He teases.

She rolls her eyes. "Oh yeah, because if the roles were reversed and you thought I was cheating on you, you would be completely calm about it," she tells him, sarcastically.

He frowns. "I don't even want to think about that."

"I know you how feel," she agrees.

"I'm sorry," he repeats.

"Next time you're trying to surprise me, you may want to let Tracy and Oliver in on it so they'll cover for you," she suggests.

"Yeah, that probably would've been a good idea," he concurs.

"Seriously, you scared the shit out of me," she informs him.

He wraps her up in his arms and pulls her in really close. "I'm sorry," he whispers in her ear. "I love you and there will _never_ be anybody else, okay?"

"Okay," she nods.

He pulls away enough so he can meet her eyes and he starts running a thumb along her jawline. "I'm serious… Andy, I couldn't love or want anyone else if I tried… I just… I never want you to worry about that… because it would _never_ happen," he assures her.

"I know, I've never worried about it before… I trust you, I just… you've been working so much lately and then you weren't at work when you said you were and you weren't at poker night when you said you were… I just… What was I supposed to think? I tried to tell myself that you would never do that, but I couldn't think of any _other_ reason that you'd lie to me and then… then I started thinking about Luke and how I never thought _he_ would cheat on me either and I was wrong and… I just started freaking out. As much as it sucked when Luke cheated on me, if you ever… I just… I can't even think about it," she says, physically trying to shake the thoughts from her head.

"Next time, just talk to me before jumping to conclusions," he requests.

"Yeah," she nods in agreement. "I'm sorry I ruined the surprise," she apologizes.

"You'll just have to pretend to be surprised when I do ask you," he tells her with a smirk.

"When do you think that'll be?" She grins.

"You'll just have to wait and see," he says.

"You really want to marry me?" She asks after a few beats.

"More than anything," he nods as he pushes the hair out of her face. "I just… I told myself that if you ever gave me another chance… I'd do whatever it takes to convince you to marry me… There was just no way I was going to let you get away from me again," he tells her.

"Good plan," she smiles before leaning in for a kiss. He cups the back of her head to keep her there for an extra moment.

"I thought so," he agrees, when they pull away.

"But don't wait _too_ long, okay?" She grins.

He laughs. "Okay, I won't," he promises.

=========Collection of Thoughts=========

Hope you guys liked this chapter! As always, please review! And feel free to keep suggesting ideas for new chapters! I can always use the inspiration!

And if you haven't already, please check out my other stories!


	3. Truth or Dare (M)

So here is my idea of what would happen if Sam and Andy played truth or dare. This takes place sometime after she breaks up with Luke.

 **This chapter is rated M** , so if that's not your thing, you shouldn't read on. Although, the M rating doesn't really come into play until the end, so you could read and enjoy almost all of the story. And you'll know when the M rating is coming up, so you don't need to worry about getting sandbagged or something; there is plenty of warning (when you get to mention of hickeys, you should probably stop reading).

Anyway, please enjoy!

========Collection of Thoughts========

"Thanks for walking me home," she tells him as she does a little twirl in the middle of the empty street.

"Well you're obviously too drunk to walk home alone," he points out.

"You're just as drunk as I am," she reminds him with her hands on her hips.

"Maybe someone should have walked us _both_ home," he laughs.

"Maybe," she agrees with a nod.

They walk side by side in the middle of the street for a few minutes, until she looks up at him with a devious smile. "Let's play truth or dare!" She squeals.

"What? You're joking."

"Nope. I'll go first. Truth or dare?" She grins.

"McNally, I do _not_ want to play truth or dare," he informs her.

"But you will," she declares.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes," she says, adamantly.

"And why would I do that?" He wonders.

"Because you can't say no to me," she beams. He glances over at her and he's fairly certain that she has no idea just how true of a statement that is. And so yeah, he gives in.

"Fine. Truth," he concedes.

"Truth… Okay. Hmm… What do I want to know about Sam Swarek?" She muses. Suddenly, he's seriously regretting his choice and promising himself that he will not pick truth again. "Did you ever hook up with Gail?" She asks.

He stops walking and gives her a shocked look. "What? Why would you ask me that?" He questions.

"Because I want to know," she shrugs.

"Why?" He asks. Why would she even care?

"I don't know. I'm curious," she shrugs again.

"Okay… What makes you think that I hooked up with Gail?" He inquires.

"I saw you leave with her… at the Penny… when we were cut loose," she reminds him.

"Oh."

"So… did you?" She asks.

"No," he answers simply.

"No?" She repeats with more than a hint of surprise.

"No. I didn't hook up with Gail. We talked in the parking lot for a few minutes and then we went home," he explains. " _Separately_ ," he clarifies.

"Okay," she shrugs, as if she didn't care either way. "Your turn," she says as she continues down the street. He stands there for a moment, still confused over what just happened, but then he goes after her.

"Truth or dare," he prompts.

"Dare."

He grins. This will be good. "Okay McNally, I dare you to call Oliver and sing your best rendition of "I Touch Myself."

Her jaw drops. "You can't be serious."

"Oh I am," he informs her, unable to hide how pleased he is with himself. It's her own damn fault for asking him to play this stupid game.

Andy whips out her phone and hits speed dial 9. "I can't believe I'm doing this," she groans as it rings. "It's going to voicemail," she informs him.

He's not sure if this could have gone any better. Now there will be recorded evidence of her little performance. She completes the dare by singing the chorus twice and then quickly hangs up. Her cheeks couldn't possibly be any redder and he's loving every second of it.

"You are _so_ going to pay for that," she tells him.

"You're the one who wanted to play this dumb game," he reminds her. "Plus, I could've dared you to call Frank," he points out.

"Oh my God," she groans, imagining how much worse that would've been.

"See, you should really be thanking me," he tells her, flashing his dimples at him.

She rolls her eyes. "Your turn. Truth or dare?"

He frowns. He was hoping she would want to quit after the last dare. "Dare," he responds, knowing it's probably a mistake, but what the hell?

She smiles. "I dare you to call Jerry and ask him if he wants to have a threesome."

He laughs and pulls out his phone.

"And you better make it believable!" She adds.

"Hey Sammy," Jerry says when he picks up after two rings.

"Hey buddy."

"What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm just with McNally here and we were wondering if you wanted to have a threesome," he says with a smirk. Andy's jaw drops.

"You are so evil!" She squeals.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Jerry asks with a laugh.

"Oh just playing a lively game of truth or dare while we walk home," he replies.

Jerry lets out a laugh. "And she dared you to ask me for a threesome?" He asks, incredulously.

"Yep."

"Well, tell McNally that I'm flattered but I don't think Tracey would be too thrilled with the idea."

"Yeah, that's what I said, but she insisted," Sam quips, causing Andy to punch him in the arm.

"You too have fun tonight," Jerry tells him before hanging up.

"You suck!" Andy declares, while he just grins at her, obviously pleased with himself. "Ugh," she frowns while she crosses her arms over her chest.

"Okay, truth or dare?" He asks.

"Truth," she decides.

"Okay… What the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?" He asks.

"Um you mean besides arresting an undercover cop on my very first day?" She asks with more than a hint of sarcasm.

Sam laughs. "Yes, besides that."

"Uh… okay… Hmm… Oh God, I know… So when I was eighteen, I had been dating this guy for a couple months and it was summer, so he was home from school and living with his parents… Well, we thought they were going to be gone all day so we were at his house and we were kind of… having sex on the couch," she says with a sheepish smile.

"Okay…" He says as he tries to push all of thoughts of naked Andy McNally out of his head.

"And then his mom and his twelve year old little sister came home and caught us… And I was… on top… and completely naked…" she blushes.

Sam laughs. "Wow that _is_ embarrassing," he admits, trying even harder to push those thoughts out of his head.

"Shut up! I know! It was awful! His mom was screaming and I was just trying to cover myself up and get my clothes at the same time. I was only half dressed when I bolted out of the door. I could never look his mom or his sister in the eyes again. It was mortifying!" She exclaims.

"I can imagine," he nods.

"I pretty much just broke up with him to avoid ever having to see his family again," she admits.

"Wow that's cold, McNally… The poor kid's mom and sister walk in on him and then on top of that he gets dumped by his girlfriend? Ouch."

"Ugh. You suck," she declares for the second time that night.

"No I don't," he argues, causing her to roll her eyes.

"Okay. Truth or dare?" She asks a moment later, desperately wanting to change the subject.

"Dare."

"I dare you to carry me the rest of the way home," she says with a grin.

He rolls his eyes and lets out a laugh. "Hop on," he tells her as he crouches down so she can jump on his back. She smiles and jumps onto his back. She wraps her arms around his neck and rests her chin on his shoulder while he holds her legs. He desperately tries to concentrate on anything other than her warm breath on his neck, but it's proving extremely difficult.

"Truth or dare?" He asks, trying to distract himself.

"Truth."

"Tell me something I don't know about you."

"Hm… My middle name is Grace," she informs him.

"I knew that actually," he lies. He didn't know that, but c'mon. He wants to hear something better than her middle name.

"Oh… Uh… I lost my virginity in a treehouse," she declares, as she points at the treehouse in the yard across the street.

"Well, that is definitely something I didn't know about you," he states. He's _really_ trying not to think about sex with Andy and she just can't stop bringing it up.

Luckily, they are finally at Andy's apartment, so he drops her at her front door and watches while she fumbles around with her keys. When she's finally got the door open, she looks up at him with a smile.

"You wanna continue this upstairs? …I have scotch," she says with a grin.

"Okay," he nods because apparently, he _likes_ torturing himself.

When they step inside, they shed their coats and Sam follows Andy into the kitchen. She pulls out two glasses and a half bottle of scotch and then pours a rather large amount into each glass. She hands him his glass and leads him into the living room. He sits on the couch and she sits beside him. She faces him and sits cross-legged, before taking a large sip of her scotch. He does the same and they both place their glasses on the coffee table.

"My turn," he reminds her.

"Truth or dare?" She asks.

"Dare," he chooses again.

"I dare you to give me a foot massage," she grins.

He lets out a laugh. "Okay, hand 'em over," he says, gesturing towards her feet. She grins and throws her feet on his lap. He removes her socks and starts to rub on the bottom of her foot.

"Ooh wait!" She squeals. Before he has a chance to ask, she jumps off the couch and runs into the other room. She comes back moments later with a bottle of lotion and collapses back on the couch. He laughs and holds his hands out. She smiles and squeezes a glob of lotion in his hands. He rubs them together and grabs her feet again. He begins to knead his thumb into the arch of her foot and she immediately lies down on the couch.

"God, that feels _so_ good," she moans, causing a wave of inappropriate thoughts to race through his mind once again.

"Okay. Truth or dare?" He asks while he continues to massage her feet.

"Truth," she decides.

"Who's your favorite TO?" He asks with a grin.

She looks up at him and meets his gaze. "Hm… Oliver," she quips.

He rolls his eyes. "I think the whole point of truth or dare is to be _honest_ ," he reminds her.

Now she's rolling her eyes. "You. You're my favorite TO, Sam. You obviously know that so you just wasted a question," she informs him. He just shrugs and continues rubbing her feet.

"Truth or dare," she asks, before taking a sip of her scotch.

"Dare," he decides.

"Are you _ever_ going to pick truth?" She asks.

"Probably not," he offers.

She rolls her eyes and thinks for a moment. "I dare you to give me a compliment," she grins.

He laughs. "Okay…" He says as he thinks for a moment.

"Wow, is it really that hard to give me a compliment?" She asks, slightly offended.

He chuckles. "You're… beautiful," he tells her, only meeting her eyes for a second before turning his attention back to her feet.

She's taken back for a moment and she can't stop the blush from spreading over her body. She definitely didn't expect him to say that. She was expecting him to say something sarcastic, like maybe that she's the least annoying rookie or something, but instead he calls her beautiful? It's… surprising, but definitely nice to hear.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he nods. "And you're smart and fun… and you're just so happy and optimistic all the time. And you care… almost too much. And you're a hell of a cop. And the best partner I've ever had… And just an amazing person," he finishes.

She swallows hard, not really sure what to say. She just stares at him for a moment, watching as he concentrates on the massage he's giving her.

"Well someone's an overachiever," she quips, deciding that she should just keep this light.

"Huh?" He asks, looking up to meet her gaze.

"I only asked for one compliment," she reminds him.

"Well it was hard to choose just one," he says with a small smile and a shrug as if it's no big deal. But it is… to her.

She's trying to figure out what to say, when he interrupts her thoughts.

"Truth or dare?" He asks.

"Uh…Dare," she decides.

"I dare _you_ to give _me_ a compliment," he smiles.

"Original," she scoffs, earning a smile from the man who is _still_ rubbing her feet. "Okay… You're a really good teacher; you make me laugh; you're always there for me when I need you, no matter what… it's really hard for me to trust people, but I've always trusted you… You're the best partner _I've_ ever had and… you're also pretty nice to look at," she smiles.

"Oh yeah?" He grins.

"Yeah," she nods.

"You know, I'm pretty sure I only asked for one compliment," he reminds her with a teasing smile.

She shrugs. "Yeah, well, it was hard to choose just one," she says, copying his earlier words.

"Oh okay," he nods with a chuckle.

"Truth or dare?" She asks a moment later.

"Dare," he replies.

She thinks for a minute before a huge grin spreads over her face. And to be honest, it's definitely making him nervous.

"I dare you to dance with me," she says as she throws her feet off his lap and jumps off the couch. He is left stunned as she walks over to her iPod. She takes a moment to find the perfect song and then plugs her iPod into its speakers and holds her hand out for Sam to take.

"Uh… okay," he shrugs as he takes her hand. It's a slow song and Sam actually thinks it's a pretty nice one. He pulls Andy close and rests one hand on her waist while the other is interlocked with hers. She rests her remaining hand on his shoulder as they begin to sway to the music. To Sam's surprise, Andy actually lets him lead.

"You're actually good at this," Andy observes.

"I _have_ danced before," he informs her.

"I can't believe _you_ dance," she muses with a smile on her lips.

He shrugs and absent-mindedly pulls her a bit closer as they continue dancing around her living room.

"This is nice," she says softly.

"Yeah," he agrees with a nod, desperately trying not to look at her lips, but they are just so… close to him right now and he really wants to just lean in and kiss her.

But of course, that's when the song changes and Andy pulls away to go turn off her iPod, leaving Sam standing in the middle of the room. He takes a deep breath and makes his way back to the couch. Andy joins him moments later and he swears that she's sitting closer to him now than she was before. She reaches out and downs the rest of her Scotch before pouring herself some more and topping off Sam's glass. He takes a rather large sip as well. He definitely needs it after that dance.

"My turn," she reminds him, when he doesn't say anything.

"Truth or dare?" He asks.

"Truth," she decides.

"Tell me something you wouldn't want me to know," he says.

"Um… Hmm…" she ponders. "I uh… I…" she begins, but then she takes a deep breath and takes a large gulp from her glass.

"McNally…"

"I sort of… had a… I sort of had a sex dream about you once… or okay, it may have been more than once," she admits, before quickly taking yet another sip from her glass.

He's fairly certain that at least five minutes go by without him saying a word. He is so stunned that he is sure his brain has completely turned off. He must be hallucinating. There is no way she just said that.

"Sam?" She asks, trying to get his attention.

"You…" he begins, but he cannot even finish the sentence.

"Yeah." She nods, while she bites her bottom lip. He can't help but notice the fact that her face has turned many shades redder.

"Are you going to tell me what happened in these dreams?" He asks.

She shrugs. "I just… I would dream that the power never came back on," she confesses, unable to meet his eyes.

"Uh… wow… okay," he says, fumbling for his words. Now he needs a really big sip from his glass.

"Okay. Your turn. Truth or dare?" She asks.

He sighs. He really doesn't want to stop talking about these dreams she's been having, but he knows that's probably a dangerous road to go down, so he decides to play along.

"Uh… dare."

"I dare you to let me give you a hickey," she declares with a devious smile. Yeah, she's definitely got liquid courage now.

"What?!" He asks, completely floored. There is no way he heard her correctly.

"You heard me." Okay, maybe he did…

"Okay…" He says with more than a hint of uncertainty.

She gives him a mischievous smile and before he can even comprehend what she's doing, she straddles his lap and buries her face in his neck. She starts off slow, just placing a few kisses up and down his neck, and then she starts gently sucking on his skin, while running her fingers through the hair on the back of his head. He involuntarily slants his head, giving her more access as she alternates between sucking, kissing and blowing on his neck.

"Jesus Andy," he groans with his eyes closed. At some point, his hands land on her hips and now his fingers are grazing the bare skin just under the hem of her shirt. She's repositioned herself so her body is flush against him and he's trying to think about anything other than how badly he wants her right now.

Suddenly, she's off his lap and sitting right beside him again with a smug look on her face, obviously proud of herself for his reaction. He's blinking and trying to compose himself.

"Okay, now ask me," she demands.

"Uh… truth or dare?" He asks, still in a fog.

"Truth," she decides.

"Why did you do that?" He probes.

"What?" She asks, obviously playing stupid. There is no way she doesn't know what he's asking.

"The hickey," he clarifies.

She shrugs. "Because I wanted to."

He blinks again, waiting for more, but it doesn't come.

"Truth or dare?" She asks.

"Uh… dare?" He says. Why not? It worked out really well the last time.

"I dare _you_ to give _me_ a hickey," she smiles.

He stares at her for a moment, searching her eyes for clues, but when he finds none he just decides to go for it. He pulls her back on to his lap until she's straddling him again. Then, he tugs her closer and she wraps her arms around his neck. His mouth is on her throat instantly, placing wet kisses from her collarbone to just below her ear. He starts to suck gently for only a few seconds before blowing on the wet spot on her neck, sending a shiver down her spine. He starts to nibble on her ear before running his tongue along her cartilage.

"Sam…" she moans. His name on her lips combined with the way she is squirming in his lap is making him hard and he's completely helpless to stop it.

"Don't stop," she whispers. Okay, now he is _seriously_ helpless.

His lips return to her neck as he starts to kiss, nip and suck on her skin again. His fingers have snuck under her shirt and are resting on the small of her back. He starts to suck a little harder, causing her to moan even louder.

She can feel his erection between her legs and when she purposefully moves her hips, searching for friction, they both let out a groan.

She pulls her face back a little, forcing him to meet her gaze. The seconds their eyes meet, she leans in and crashes her lips against his. His hand finds the back of her neck and he pulls her even closer against him. Their lips part at the same time and their tongues clash as Andy whimpers in his mouth. Her hands are pushing his shirt up as her fingers graze his muscles, leaving goosebumps in their wake. They part for a moment as she lifts his shirt over his head. Her hands are back on his chest and then it's his turn to lift her shirt over her head. His hands are running up and down her back before stopping and unhooking her bra. He pushes the straps off her shoulders and tosses it aside. He pulls her close, relishing the feel of her nipples rubbing against his chest. Moments later, he's cupping her breasts while his tongue is drawing circles around her nipples. His head is seriously spinning. There is no way this is actually happening. He's almost certain that he's going to wake up at any moment and this will all have been a dream. It's not like it hasn't happened before.

"Bedroom," Andy murmurs once his lips find hers again.

Sam nods and immediately picks her up off the couch. She wraps her legs around him and he carries her to the bedroom. He places her down next to the bed and she immediately unbuckles his belt while he kisses her neck. She unzips his jeans and pushes them down his legs. He steps out of them and begins to unzip her jeans. Once their pants are in a pile on the floor, Sam picks her up again and gently places her on the bed before crawling on top of her.

They continue making out as their hands roam each other's bodies. But when her fingers find the waistband of his boxers, he is suddenly shocked back to life.

"Andy…" he begins, grabbing her wrist to stop her descent.

"Hm?" She asks, opening her eyes to meet his.

"We… we probably shouldn't," he chokes out, because God, he _really_ wants to do this.

"What?" She asks, her voice laced with confusion and hurt.

"If… If we do this, I don't think I'll be able to go back to being just friends," he admits.

She smiles at him and runs her hands up and down his back to soothe him. "Sam, I don't _want_ to be just friends… Haven't for a while," she confesses.

He stares at her, searching her eyes for answers. "Yeah?"

She nods and gives him what she hopes is a reassuring smile.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"Yes," she assures him. "More than sure," she adds. "Now can _please_ we stop talking?" she implores.

That's enough for him, so he murmurs a quick "okay," before crashing his lips against hers. His hands are running all over body again and when he starts kissing her neck, she immediately starts bucking her hips into him, desperately searching for friction.

She reaches into his boxers and pulls him out, eliciting a loud groan. She runs her hand up and down him a few times before pushing his boxers down his legs and sliding them all the way off with her toes. He slides her underwear down her legs and tosses them aside. When he crawls back up her body, he meets her gaze. Her teeth are digging into her bottom in anticipation, while she grabs him again and guides him towards her. He watches her while he pushes his way inside. She's biting her lip, closing her eyes and throwing her head back as she lets out a gasp. And yeah, it's fucking hot.

He slowly pulls himself almost all the way out and then thrusts inside her again. And again. And again, until he builds up a nice rhythm. She's gasping and moaning with each thrust and he can't get enough of the sounds coming out of her mouth.

"Oh… Oh God… _Sam_ ," she moans as he nibbles on her ear. And yeah, he loves the way she's saying his name right now.

Moments later, he's picking up the pace and she's encouraging him by getting even louder. She's never really been one to get _this_ loud during sex, but maybe she's just never had the proper inspiration before. She just stay seem to stay quiet right now. It just feels way too good to be quiet.

"McNally…" he groans against her throat when she lifts her knee slightly, pushing him even deeper inside.

"Saaammmm…" she whimpers.

Moments later, he's grabbing her hands, interlocking their fingers and placing them on the pillow, above her head. And although she really wants to run her hands all over his body, the way he has all of the control right now is just really turning her on. Like, a lot.

She's squeezing his hands so tightly that it almost hurts, but he honestly can't seem to care. The look of pure pleasure on her face coupled with the fact that he's responsible for putting it there… it's getting to be too much. And then you add the noises she's making, the feeling of her breasts rubbing against him and the way she's gripping him with her legs. All of these sensations at once… It's better than anything he's ever experienced before.

Then, when she arches her back a bit, causing him to get even deeper inside, the friction starts to make them both a bit delirious. And when she starts to rock her hips, he's suddenly hitting everywhere all at once and it's fucking unbelievable.

"Sam. Shit. Right there," she sobs. With that encouragement, he speeds up his rhythm and has them both twitching and panting and moaning each other's names within minutes.

"Wow…" she sighs as she finally starts to catch her breath.

"Yeah," he concurs. They lie there in silence for what feels like forever with the sounds of their breathing being the only noise filling the room.

"Now what?" He asks, turning on his side to look at her. He's trying to read her eyes, hoping he won't find any signs of regret.

"Truth or dare?' She asks with a smirk.

He laughs. "Seriously?"

"What? You can't say it didn't work out well for you last time," She grins.

"Yeah, I guess it did," he agrees.

"So… Truth or dare?" She asks again.

He rolls his eyes and is about to tell her that it is actually _her_ turn, but in the end, he changes his mind and goes along with it. "Dare."

Now she rolls her eyes. "You're really never going to pick truth, are you?" She asks, although, to be honest, she's perfectly happy with him picking dare.

"Nope," he replies with a smile.

"Fine. I dare you to do _that_ again," she grins.

"Well, then I guess I have no choice," he smirks before crawling back on top of her.

========Collection of Thoughts========

Well, there you have it. Hope everyone enjoyed that!

Please review! I love to hear exactly what everyone likes and even what you didn't like as much. It's what makes me a better writer.

And don't forget to check out my other stories! I've got quite a few going on right now.

And of course, I'm always down to hear suggestions for stories you'd like to read.


	4. Angst (K)

So, this chapter is actually a serious of four short stories. Each story is completely separate and unrelated. I just put them together because they were each too short on their own and they are somewhat similar in that they all have some angst. I've had quite a few requests for some chapters with a bit of angst, so I figured I'd give you four helpings of angst.

Each story is separated by the Collection of Thoughts line break.

Let me know which one is your favorite! In my opinion, I think each story is better than the previous one, but that's just me...

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

It's late when he finally comes home. She is facing away from him and with everything going on, it takes her a bit by surprise when he slides into bed and pulls her close to him. He settles in behind her and breathes in her hair before giving her a kiss on her bare shoulder.

She turns around to face and ends up just staring at him for a moment, trying to figure out what he's thinking. She really wants to say _something_ , but she doesn't want to push. She wants to give him whatever time and space he needs, but she also really wants to help. She can see him struggling and she just… wants to make him feel better.

"Can I say something?" She asks him. "And then I promise I'll leave you alone," she adds.

He lets out a sigh and she thinks he's going to tell her that he doesn't want to hear it right now. Instead, he says something surprising.

"Andy, I don't ever want you to leave me alone," he begins. He knows what she's doing. He knows she's being careful. She's trying her best not to push him. She's trying to give him the time and space she didn't give him last time. And he just hates that she feels like she has to walk on eggshells around him right now.

It's true- he really doesn't want to talk about it, but he's determined not to push her away this time. He know that while he doesn't _want_ to talk, he probably should.

"Andy, you can say anything you want," he assures her, while pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

She takes a deep breath and he can see the internal battle she's fighting. She's obviously not sure if she should take him at his word. He can tell she's afraid of causing a repeat of what happened the last time they were in this situation. The thing is, there is absolutely no way he's going to let that happen.

His fingers graze up and down her arm, trying to coax out whatever it is that she wants to say. She opens her mouth to speak, but then she immediately bites down on her lip as if she needs help physically keeping it in.

"Andy…" he whispers, encouraging her to speak.

She takes another deep breath and then meets his gaze. They stare at each other for a moment before she finally gives in.

"I just…" she begins, but then she changes her mind and starts over with a sigh. "You're allowed to be sad, you know," she tells him. "Even though… Even though he wasn't a good man and you weren't close, you're still allowed to grieve," she tells him. "You don't necessarily have to grieve _him_ , either… if you don't want to. You can grieve the childhood you should've had, but never got. You can grieve the fact that he was never the father you deserved and that you never had the kind of relationship every kid should have with their father. You can grieve anything you want. I just want to make sure you know that," she explains.

"I know," he tells her with a slight nod.

"And I'm here… If you want to talk. You don't have to, but if you want to, I'm here," she says.

"I know," he replies as he gives her arm a gentle squeeze.

"Okay," she nods.

"I do want to… just… can we talk tomorrow?" He asks.

"Whenever you want," she tells him.

"Okay, then tomorrow," he agrees.

"Okay," she nods before pressing her lips against his in a quick kiss.

"I love you," he tells her. "And thanks… for being here."

"I'll always be here, Sam," she assures him.

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

The tension in Sam's truck is palpable. She keeps sneaking glances at him to see if his expression has softened at all, but it hasn't. He is still clenching his teeth and he is gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles are white.

This day has really not gone as planned.

She had been partnered with Collins, which was fine. Things aren't awkward between them anymore; they are just friends now.

Their shift had started out fairly slow until the plate reader on the cruiser alerted them of a car registered to a man named Andrew Milton, who just happened to have an open warrant. He had been arrested for several weapons charges and neglected to show up for his court date last week.

They pulled the car over and found Andrew at the wheel with his girlfriend, Tiffany, in the passenger seat. Upon searching the vehicle, Andy found two unregistered handguns in the glove box, so they were both arrested and taken back to the barn, where they tried to goad Steve Peck into giving them a deal.

They informed him that they were planning on buying a large quantity of weapons from Alvin Gibbs, that afternoon. Alvin Gibbs was a pretty big fish, according to Steve.

"Tiffany says that this is supposed to be their first meeting with Alvin," Tracey tells them as she walks into the D's office. Steve and Nick had been in the corner chatting about last night's hockey game, while Andy was sitting on Sam's desk, distracting him from whatever case he was supposed to be working on.

"Perfect. We can send in some officers in their place to make the buy," Steve announced.

"We can do it," Nick offered, while looking over at Andy, who was in the middle of a conversation with Sam.

"What?" She asked, when she felt everyone staring at her.

"We're sending in officers to take Andrew and Tiffany's place for the buy. You in?" Steve asked.

She glanced at Sam and then back at Steve. "Sure," she shrugs.

"Great, you and Collins will go in and make the buy as Andrew and Tiffany," Steve explained.

Andy nodded, suddenly realizing what she had agreed to. She bit her lip and looked at Sam with apologetic eyes. She would have to pretend to be Nick's girlfriend.

Sam gave her a reassuring smile and gently squeezed her arm.

Two hours later, she was out of her uniform and pacing around the garage as she waited for everyone.

"Hey," Sam said as he walked up to her, with his vest on.

"Where you going?" She asked.

"I'm going with you," he told her.

"Huh?"

"I'm your back up," he explains with a smile.

When they get home, Sam jumps out the truck and walks up to his place without saying a word as Andy quickly follows behind. When they are both inside, he throws his jacket off and goes straight for the fridge to get a beer.

"Sam…" She begins, unsure of what else to say.

"Andy, I'm not mad at you," he tells her, flat out.

"Could've fooled me," she scoffs.

He pinches the bridge of his nose for a second and takes a deep breath. After a moment, he opens his eyes and looks at her with a blank stare.

"Sam, you know there is nothing going on with me and Nick. We are just friends. That's it," she assures him. "It's not like I volunteered to do this. Steve asked me. Should I have said no?"

"No… Look, I know it was just acting and the job and- I'm _really_ not mad at you," he promises. "I just… seeing the two of you together… seeing his arms around you and… and it just… it made me sick… it just brought up a lot of bad memories," he confesses.

She sighs and walks over to him, pulling him into a hug.

"I told you not to watch," she reminds him.

"As much as I did not like what I saw… It would have been _way_ worse in my head," he explains. She nods against his chest.

"I just thought I was done with that part of my life where I have to watch you be with someone else," he admits.

"Sam, you _are_ ," she tells him as she cups his face.

"Promise?" He asks, with a small smile as if he's trying to pass it off as a joke. However, the hint of vulnerability in his eyes gives him away.

"I promise," she says with a nod before pulling him into a kiss. "I love you," she assures him, when they pull away.

"Love you, too," he says before leaning in for another kiss.

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

"Hey," he greets as he answers the phone.

"Sam. Can you come home?" she asks. It's the desperation in her voice that instantly has him worried.

"Andy, what's wrong?" He asks as he grabs his keys and starts speed walking out of the D's office.

"Sam, _please_. Just come home," she pleads.

"I'm leaving now, just tell me what's wrong," he implores. "Are you okay?" He questions.

"I'm okay, just… we'll talk when you get home. Are you leaving now?" she inquires. This is definitely not the type of conversation they can have over the phone.

"Yes. Andy, you're freaking me out," he tells him.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm okay, seriously, I'm okay," she assures him.

"I'll see you in a few minutes," he agrees before jogging out to his car and speeding out of the parking lot.

When he parks the car, he runs up the steps to their front door and starts calling her name.

"Sam," he hears her call from the living room. He follows her voice and they meet in the kitchen. She has the baby against her chest and she's patting her back while bouncing her a bit. The look on her face is scaring him. She looks really… freaked out and completely overwhelmed and he's not sure what is going on. They aren't even supposed to have Mya until this weekend.

"What is Mya doing here?" He asks as he steps closer to his wife and daughter.

"Sam…" she begins and the way she's saying his name is… not good.

"Andy, what's going on?" He asks.

"I uh… I found Mya's pink elephant behind the couch this morning and… and you know how much she loves that thing, so I… so I stopped by Marlo's to drop it off and…"

"And what?" He asks.

"Sam… she… I don't think she's taking her meds," she finally confesses.

"What? Are you... are you sure?" He questions.

"When I went there this afternoon, she was just… a mess. The apartment was trashed… There were dishes piling up in the sink and clothes and toys everywhere… and she was talking _really_ fast and not making that much sense and… and Mya… she was crying and it looked like she hadn't been bathed in a couple days and her diaper probably hadn't been changed at all today," Andy explains, still gently bouncing the baby.

"Jesus," he says as he runs a hand over his face.

"So I called her sister and while I waited for her, I changed Mya's diaper and gave her a bath, but _none_ of her clothes were clean so I literally just had to wrap her in a blanket, Sam. And once Carla got there, we convinced Marlo to let Mya come home with me, which was _not_ easy. And then I brought her home and while we waited for you, I got her dressed and I fed her and Sam, I've seriously never seen her eat so much…. She ate an entire jar of baby food in probably five minutes… She didn't fuss _once_ , she just gobbled it up. I don't think Marlo fed her today," she explains with evident amounts of concern.

He has no idea what to say. He just wraps his arms around his wife and daughter and holds them for a few minutes.

She rests her head against his chest and just breaths in his scent, allowing him to comfort her for a few moments before she finally speaks up again.

"Sam, _what_ are we going to do?" She asks.

"I don't know," he says with a slight shake of his head, still not letting go of either of them.

"God, when I… when I walked into that apartment and I saw Mya… Sam, she was just… she was dirty and crying and her diaper was sagging and she wasn't wearing any socks … And Marlo was just… It was even worse than last time. I just didn't know what to do," she tells him.

Sam pulls back just enough so he can look Andy in the eye, but his arms are still wrapped tightly around her. "Andy, you did exactly what you should've done. You called her sister and you got Mya out of there," he says as he runs a thumb along his daughter's arm. "C'mon," he says, tugging the two of them towards the couch. He sits down and pulls her down right beside him. She rests her feet on the coffee table and snuggles up beside him with Mya in her lap. His wraps his arm around her and places a kiss on her temple.

"I just can't stop thinking about what would've happened if I hadn't stopped by there today," Andy mentions as she rubs Mya's back.

He cringes, not even wanting to entertain those thoughts. "I just don't get it. We saw her on Monday and she seemed fine didn't she?" He asks.

"Yeah, she did… but you know how this goes… some days are fine, and then other days… aren't," she reminds him.

"When I picked Mya up from her place last week, she was waiting outside for me…. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now I'm wondering if her apartment was like that back then and she didn't want me to see," Sam mentions.

"Maybe… I just can't believe this happened. She was doing so well. Why would she stop taking her meds again?" Andy wonders.

"I don't know."

"I just hope Carla can convince her to get help," Andy tells him. "But Sam, I think Mya should stay with us from now on… And when Marlo gets better… we'll figure something out, but it's just not safe for Mya to be with her right now."

Once again, Sam is just in awe of his wife. He seriously can't get over the way she loves and cares for his daughter; the way she protects her and always considers what is best for her. Mya staying with them on a permanent basis means that everything in their lives is about to change and she is suggesting it like it's no big deal, because she just wants to make sure that Mya is safe. He honestly has no idea how he ever got this lucky.

"Thank you," he tells her before leaning in to kiss her forehead.

"For what?"

"For… for being absolutely amazing… for protecting her," he explains as his fingers graze her arm.

She smiles and leans in to give him a kiss.

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

"I've missed this," Sam tells her as they walk down the street together. Everyone was at the Penny tonight and they definitely enjoyed more than a couple drinks. Sam and Andy ended up being the last ones to leave and were now walking home together. They had been teasing each other for the past few minutes while Andy danced around in the middle of the street, eliciting more than a few laughs from Sam.

"Me too," she admits.

They walk quietly for a few minutes before he stops and pulls on her arm. She stops and turns towards him.

"I've missed _you_ ," he confesses.

"Sam…"

"I've tried not to, but I… I do. I miss you all the time. I think about you all the time… Andy, I still love you," he admits.

"Sam… Don't say things you'll regret. You're drunk. Tomorrow you'll wake up and realize that you don't mean what you're saying. It's not fair. Getting my hopes up like this… Not when I'm finally starting to move on," she argues.

"Really? You're… you're moving on?" He asks with wide eyes, completely unable to disguise the hurt in his voice.

"Sam, you don't get to be upset by me moving on. You're with someone else!" She yells.

"I know, Andy, I know," he says, pinching the bridge of his nose. "But I… I just… The thought of you moving on… It just… God, it makes me sick," he admits.

"Sam, _you_ moved on," she reminds him.

"No," he says, grabbing her hand. "No, I haven't. I just… I guess I've gotten really good at pretending," he explains, as he draws circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. "You know how me, Epstein and Diaz went with Oliver to his new cabin last weekend?" He asks.

She gives him a strange look, unsure what this has to do with anything. "Yeah."

"Well, Oliver made me realize that I need to break up with Marlo," he informs her.

Andy's mouth hangs open for a moment, completely unsure what to say. "How did he do that?" She asks, eventually.

"He asked me how I knew that he made the right decision with Celery, so I told him that it was just this feeling I had- that when I saw the two of them together, I knew she was right for him," he continues.

"Okay…"

"And then he said, ' _Like you and McNally?_ ' And I said yes… Without even thinking, I just said yes, you know? Because that is how I feel about us… you… And I don't know, I guess the cat was out of the bag by then, so I just kept going. I told him everything… that I missed you… and that lately, I just keep thinking about the future… kids, park on Sundays, just… something more, you know? And whenever I think about it… it's always with you," he admits.

"Sam…"

"So, I decided that when she gets back from Miami in a few days, I'm going to end it. It's not fair to her, you know? She deserves better. She shouldn't be with someone who's completely in love with someone else," he admits. "I know you think I'm saying things I don't mean because I've been drinking, but I… I mean them, okay? I know I fucked everything up, and I realize I don't deserve a second chance… I probably didn't even deserve the first one… And if you really _are_ moving on, I'll respect that, okay? Because above all, I really do just want you to be happy. But I need you to know how sorry I am. I just… I have so many regrets, you know? Not just what happened after Jerry died, but even before that… I should've done so many things differently."

"Like what?"

"I should've taken you away for the weekend. I should've introduced you to my family. I should've bought you flowers and taken you out to dinner. I should've stayed with you every morning instead of running out the door. I should've been more open with you. I should've told you that I loved you that day in my truck and every day after that. I just… I was terrified of my feelings for you. I still am, but I'm done letting that ruin things between us. And… If you did want to give me a second chance, I promise I won't make those same mistakes. I won't walk away from you again, okay? And as hard as it will be for me, I won't hold back anymore. I'll tell you everything you want to know and I'll introduce you to my family. I really do want you to know me… It's just hard, but I promise you it would be different… and… and I don't expect an answer today or even in the next few weeks… and I completely understand if you need me to prove it to you for a while, okay? I will prove it to you every day until you believe it… until you have absolutely no doubts. Andy, if you give me another chance, I will do whatever it takes to make us work. All I want is to be with you and for us to build something better than what we had before… something that will last because I… I just… I know you're the person I'm supposed to be with. And you have no idea how absolutely terrifying that is to say… I mean, it also feels amazing… to finally know exactly what you want and to be so sure, but it also scares the shit out of me because I know I might never get it because I've just… I've screwed up so badly," he explains.

There are so many things she wants to say to him, but she has no idea where to begin.

"I don't know what to say to that," she admits.

"Say you'll think about it…. aay there's hope… say you'll give me the chance to prove all of this to you," he pleads with her.

"Sam, I just… I don't know."

"Then… then, just don't say no," he offers.

"Okay," she nods. "I'm not saying no," she agrees.

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

So, I hope you enjoyed these! I'd love to know which ones you liked, which you didn't, which one was your favorite, etc. I'll take all the feedback I can get

And of course, suggestions are ALWAYS welcome!


	5. Anything (K Plus)

Thanks for all of the kind reviews last chapter! It seemed like most people liked the story with Mya the most.

Okay so anyway… I had this idea for a proposal story and I essentially used this one premise and created two stories based off of it. I couldn't decide which one I liked better, so I posted both. Hopefully it doesn't bother anyone that they are so similar, but like I said, I couldn't decide which one I liked best. I'd love to know your thoughts, though!

==========Collection of Thoughts==========

"Please," she begs.

"No," he tells her, sternly.

" _Please_ , Sam! I think you'll really like it," she insists.

"I doubt that," he declares.

"C'mon, it'll be fun… Oliver is going," she informs him.

"Of course he is," he says with a roll of his eyes.

"So, you'll come too… And you'll _sing_!" Andy exclaims.

"No way," Sam replies, but he already knows that he'll go and he'll probably even sing because he just hates to disappoint her. Although, he's definitely not going to give in _too_ easily.

"The two of you can do a duet," Andy teases.

"No thank you. Oliver can make a fool of himself all on his own."

" _We_ could do a duet. Any song you want," Andy quips.

"Nope."

"C'mon! If you do this for me, I'll do something for you… _Anything_ you want…" She says suggestively. He raises his eyebrow and she knows she has his attention. Yep, he is definitely singing tonight.

"Anything?" He inquires.

"Anything," she confirms with a nod.

"Hmm… hold that thought," he instructs her before disappearing into the other room.

"What are you doing?" She shouts as she hears him fumbling around in his bedroom.

"One second!" He calls out her to her. She stands there waiting, tapping her foot on the hardwood floors. A minute later, he reappears. He is holding something small in his hand, but she can't see what it is.

"What were you doing?" She asks, but he ignores the question. Instead, he just walks up to her leaving less than a foot of space between them.

"Okay, so you said that if I go to karaoke _and_ sing, then you would do something for me, right?" He recaps.

"I did…" She says, not sure where this is going.

"You said anything, right?" He asks again.

"Yes," she responds, still looking unsure.

"Hmm… okay, so if I sing at karaoke tonight then…" He begins to say before he pauses to get down on one knee. "Then, will you marry me?" He asks, exposing the small black box that he is holding in his left hand. He opens it slowly, finally revealing the beautiful diamond ring he purchased for her two weeks earlier.

"Sam…." She says, softly, in a state of disbelief. She is in complete shock. That is the absolute last thing she was expecting to happen tonight.

"You did say anything," he reminds her with a smirk on his face.

"Yes," she tells him after taking a deep breath.

"Yes?" He asks, not sure if he heard her correctly.

"Yes! Of course!" She responds, this time with a grin playing at her lips.

Sam stands up. She doesn't think she's ever seen him look happier. He is flashing a big smile that mirrors her own. He carefully removes the ring from the box and then takes her hand. He slowly slides the ring on her finger, while she watches in awe.

"Wow…" is all she can think to say.

"You like it?" He asks. When he saw it two weeks ago, he just thought it was _her_.

"It's gorgeous," she assures him, unable to take her eyes off of it. It is the most beautiful ring she has ever seen and it is so completely her. Her heart does a flip at the realization that he just knows her _that_ well.

"I love you," he tells her, cupping her face with his right hand.

"I love you, too," she replies, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in close for a kiss. When they pull apart, she grabs his hand and pulls him to his bedroom. "But you're still going to karaoke," she tells him when she notices the smirk on his lips.

He laughs. "A deal is a deal," he agrees, as she tugs him through the threshold of his bedroom. When they are standing beside the bed, she turns around to face him and wraps her arms around his neck.

"But you know, the joke's on you because I would've married you either way," she grins.

"Now you tell me," he quips.

==========Collection of Thoughts==========

"I'm horrible," she declares one night as they lie in bed together.

He laughs. "Why are you horrible?" He wonders.

"Your birthday is a week away and I still haven't gotten you anything! I've been trying to figure it out for weeks and I haven't found anything! I was at the mall for three hours last week and all I bought was some lingerie," she tells him.

"Seems like you know exactly what to get me," he grins.

She smiles and playfully slaps his chest. "I need to get you more than that," she argues.

"You are. I assume you'll be _wearing_ the lingerie _and_ letting me take it off you," he explains, still wearing the same grin on his face.

She laughs. "Seriously…. what do you want for your birthday?" She asks, while they lie in bed.

"Hmm…" he hums, while running his hand up and down her back.

"C'mon, I have no idea what to get you… seriously, anything you want," she encourages him.

He quirks an eyebrow up in the air. "Anything?" He asks with a smile.

She lets out a laugh, assuming that his mind is in the gutter. "Well… _Almost_ anything," she clarifies.

"Hm," he frowns. "Almost anything, huh?" He repeats.

"Yes. _Almost_ anything… Did you have something in mind?" She asks, curiously.

"Maybe," he says with a smile.

"Care to share?" She inquires.

"Stay here," he orders, while he slides out of bed.

"What are you doing?" She asks, following him with her eyes as he heads towards the bedroom door.

"Don't move," he tells her before disappearing out of the room.

She throws her head back on the pillow and smiles at the ceiling as she waits for him to return. Once he does, he has a strange look on his face. He's hiding something in his hand, but she has no idea what it is.

"So… you were asking me what I want for my birthday," he tells her, as if she needs a reminder.

"I was…" she confirms with a nod.

"Well, I know _exactly_ what I want," he informs her, as he sits down on the bed beside her. She sits up and crosses her legs.

"Do tell."

"You," he answers simply.

She lets out a smile. "Well, _Detective_ , you were already getting me," she tells him, seductively. He lets out a laugh and smiles, completely exposing his dimples. "Are you sure that's _all_ you want?" She asks after a moment.

He shakes his head. "No, I mean… Well yes, I…" he says, struggling to explain. "Andy, that's not what I meant," he finally tells her, fidgeting with the object in his hand.

"Okay…" she says, obviously confused. "What did you mean?"

He takes a deep breath. "Andy… you… you are all I've ever wanted and… and everything I never thought I could have… This past year… I've never been happier, so yeah… for my birthday… I want _you_ … Just you," he tells her again, as he opens his hand to reveal the diamond ring he has been hiding.

"Whoa," she says, barely above a whisper.

He moves off the bed and gets down on one knee. "Will you marry me?" He asks her.

The way he's looking at her is making her feel like an entire swarm of butterflies has made a home in her stomach. She feels like she can't breathe, but it's in the best possible way.

"Andy?" He says with a hint of concern. It's in that moment that she realizes she hasn't answered his question yet.

"Yes," she tells him with absolute certainty.

"Yes?" He asks, making sure he actually heard her correctly.

She confirms it with a few nods of her head, as a grin spreads across her lips.

"Yes," he says again, very quietly, as if he needs to say it out loud in order to actually convince himself that she just agreed to marry him. When he looks up at her and sees the smile on her face, he grabs her hand and slides the ring on her finger, his eyes never leaving hers.

She tugs at his hand, pulling him up off the ground at the same time that she too stands up. She pulls him into a kiss while he wraps his arms around her, holding her flush against his body. They kiss for a few moments before pulling away, completely breathless. She smiles and holds her hand out in front of her, so she can take a moment to admire the new addition to her finger.

"Do you like it?" He asks.

"It's beautiful," she tells him. "Perfect," she adds.

"Yeah?"

She nods. "I love it."

"I love _you_ ," he tells her before pulling her into a passionate kiss.

"I love you, too," she mumbles against his lips.

An hour later, they are lying in bed together, tangled in the sheets. Andy is resting her head on Sam's chest, while he plays with the ring on her finger.

"Are we really getting married?" She asks him. He shifts so he can look her in the eye.

"Having second thoughts already?" He asks, only half joking.

"What? No! Sam, of course not… I'm just… I'm just surprised," she tells him, trying to ease the concern she sees in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"I didn't think you really wanted to get married," she confesses.

"I guess I didn't," he muses. "I just… I used to never want anything to be permanent. I guess I thought permanent was boring," he shrugs. "But then I met you and… and all I want is for this to be permanent," he tells her.

She smiles, "Me too."

==========Collection of Thoughts==========

So… which did you like better? Let me know!


	6. Stay (T)

This chapter is my rewrite of the Best Laid Plans episode. Obviously, I'm happy with where that episode and the subsequent season two episodes went, but I had this idea of how things could've gone differently and I thought I'd share

Enjoy!

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

"Did you get the boy?" She asks him with a bright smile.

"Yeah," he nods, mirroring her expression.

"Good," Andy says smiling.

Sam smiles as they gaze into each other's eyes. For a moment, it's as if time has stopped and it's only the two of them standing there, in the middle of the street, less than a foot from each other, breathing heavily. It is a game of chicken. Both waiting to see what the other will do.

He wants to kiss her. He has for a while.

They are only inches apart now, completely oblivious to all of the emergency personnel surrounding them. He gently grabs the opening of her jacket and begins pulling her towards him.

"Sammy!" They both jump back as they hear Oliver yelling from somewhere in the distance. They start looking around and suddenly see Oliver appear from behind the ambulance.

"There you two are. Are you okay?" He asks, stepping towards them.

"Yeah, we're fine," Andy answers as they both look at each other. Sam sighs. "Yeah, we're okay," he reiterates.

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

An hour later, Andy is standing in front of her locker after learning that the woman whose life she saved that afternoon had just died at the hospital. She is shaking her head in defeat as she shuts her locker, only to see Sam walking towards her.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey," she greets him.

"I heard about Leslie. I'm sorry."

"I just- I thought I saved her…" Andy says, staring at her feet.

"You did," Sam tells her, adamantly. "You saved her from that fire. You did your job. I know it sucks, but sometimes, that's all we can do."

She nods her head in agreement, but he knows that he hasn't come anywhere close to convincing her.

"You need a ride home?" He asks.

"Yeah, thanks."

"K, let's go," he says, nodding towards the door.

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

The ride home is quiet as the only sound filling the truck is the soft murmur of the radio; however, neither one of them feel the need to speak as they are both seemingly lost in their own thoughts.

"Shit!" Andy shouts out of nowhere, causing Sam to jump.

"What?" He asks, turning to her to make sure she's okay.

"I'm supposed to feed a jerky cat!" She exclaims.

"What?" He asks again, this time with a small smile appearing on his lips, obviously amused.

"I promised Leslie I would feed her cat. She gave me her keys," Andy tells him, pulling the keys out of her jacket pocket and dangling them from her finger for Sam to see. "Can we make a pit stop?" She requests.

"Okay… where to?" He asks.

"Take your next left," she says pointing down the street.

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

"Here you go," Andy says to the cat as she pours the food into his bowl. Sam is leaning against the counter, watching her with a smile on his face.

Andy puts the cat food back in the cabinet before pausing and picking up the infamous bottle of champagne she had heard so much about. She stands there, holding the bottle and staring at it for a minute before Sam walks over to see why she seems to be so fixated.

"Sam…?" She starts to say as she notices him walking towards her.

"Yeah?" He replies, standing inches from her.

She looks up at him, still holding the champagne. "I don't want to save the good candy for later anymore... I want to drink the champagne now." She declares.

He looks at her, confused. He steps an inch closer and looks at the bottle of champagne she is holding before turning his attention back to her.

"I don't think we should drink her champagne," he tells her.

She lets out a laugh and shakes her head. "No, I just mean…. Look, I know I always have a plan, but sometimes I think we just need to screw the plan, you know?" She pauses for a second and looks up at him. He is searching her eyes. "You have three weeks… Let's just make the most of them, okay?" She asks.

He meets her gaze, seemingly trying to search her eyes for answers. "Andy… what does that mean?" He asks after a moment.

A small smile escapes her lips as she steps closer to him and wraps her arms around his neck. His hands instinctively land on her waist and he pulls her flush against him, wanting her as close as she can possibly be. They continue to smile at each other for a moment before she leans in and kisses him.

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

Sam unlocks his front door and they make their way inside. He fumbles around for the light switch as they continue to kiss. They simultaneously take off their jackets and throw them somewhere in the dark. Sam places kisses down her neck, completely lost in the amazing scent that is Andy McNally. Once they cross the threshold of his bedroom, he pushes her against the wall as he starts to nibble on her ear, causing her to close her eyes and throw her head back. She runs her fingers through his hair as a quiet moan escapes her lips. He smiles against her skin and begins to move his way down her neck, across her collarbone and towards her shoulder. Andy impatiently lifts his shirt before Sam takes a step back and lets her pull it over his head. She runs her fingers down his abs, flashing back to the last time she was standing in Sam's bedroom taking his shirt off.

Sam watches her as he pushes her hair out of her face and behind her ear. He kisses her again before lifting her shirt over her head. He tosses it to the side, while quickly returning his lips to hers. His hands start to explore every inch of exposed skin as she begins unbuckling his belt.

Moments later, their jeans have joined the pile of clothes on the floor and Andy's legs are wrapped around Sam's waist as he carries her to his bed. He gently places her on the mattress and takes a moment to admire the beautiful half-naked woman lying in front of him. She smiles at him, grabs his hand and pulls him on top of her.

He immediately presses his lips against hers as he wraps his arms around her and unhooks her bra. He throws it behind him and pulls her even closer, enjoying the feel of her newly exposed breasts pressed against his bare chest.

She reaches down inside his boxers and briefly grabs ahold of him, causing Sam to groan out loud. Andy smiles at his reaction and slides his boxers downs his legs, allowing him to wiggle out of them, before she removes her own underwear.

"Andy… are you… are you sure?" He asks as he is hovering over her lips.

"Do you want to stop?" She questions, meeting his gaze with one raised eyebrow.

"God, no," he tells her, glancing at the smile gracing her lips.

"Me either," she assures him.

That's enough for him, so he crashes his lips against hers and cups her breast as she arcs her back and pulls him closer to her. Moments later, she is gasping as he pushes his way inside of her.

"McNally…" he groans, as he quickens the pace. She throws her head back in absolute pleasure and digs her nails into his back.

"God… _Sam_ ," she moans. He smiles at the effect he's having on her. He's never heard his name sound quite like _that_.

And for the next thirty minutes, they are completely lost in each other.

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

Sam collapses on top of her, still inside of her, as they both try to catch their breath. He places quick kisses from the top of her neck to the tip of her shoulder as he hovers over her.

"God, why did we wait so long to do _that_?" She asks aloud, with a grin on her face.

"Because we're idiots," he responds in between kisses. "Complete idiots."

She giggles at his answer and he smiles as he pulls himself out of her and rolls to the side. She frowns, missing the feel of him inside of her and on top of her. He looks at her frowning expression and lets out a laugh. He pulls her towards him for a quick kiss, after which, she nestles her head on his chest and Sam runs his hands up and down her bare back. They stay like that for a few minutes, both completely content just lying together in Sam's quiet apartment.

Eventually, their blissful silence is interrupted by the sound of Sam's phone beeping. Sam lets out a small groan, causing Andy to chuckle.

"Are you gonna answer it?" She wonders.

"No," he replies.

"Why not?"

"Because I really don't want to move from this spot," he says, pulling her even closer.

"It might be important."

"I doubt it."

She laughs. "Well, I'm thirsty," she says, wriggling out of his grasp and getting out of bed. She pulls on one of his t-shirts and waltzes out of the room. He groans loud enough for her to hear, eliciting a giggle in return.

He rolls out of bed, pulls on his boxers and goes searching for his phone. He eventually finds it hiding in the corner of his bedroom, in the back pocket of his jeans. He scrolls through it, checking his messages and lets out of a frustrated groan just as Andy walks back into his bedroom with a glass of water.

"What is it?" She asks, knowing from the look on his face that she probably wouldn't like the answer.

He looks up at her and sighs. "It's Boyd... he wants to put me under tomorrow… wants to leave tonight," he tells her.

"What! I thought we had three weeks!" She exclaims, putting the glass of water on his nightstand and sitting beside him on the bed.

"Change of plans," Sam replies.

Andy lets out a long sigh. "Well… I'm really gonna miss you…" She says, turning towards him and running her fingers through his hair.

Sam quietly stares at her for a moment before finally speaking up. "Then… just… just tell me not to go."

Andy meets his gaze and lets out another sigh. "Sam… obviously I don't want you to go, but… I know that this is something you really want and… and I don't want to be the person that gets in the way of that…" she explains.

"Andy, you know what I _really_ want?" He asks. "You," he informs her before she has the chance to answer.

She smiles at his sweet words. "I'll be here when you get back," she promises him.

He shakes his head. "Andy, you can't promise me that. Who knows how long I'll be gone? It could be six months, a year, maybe longer… I could never expect you to wait that long. I couldn't ask you to do that."

"You're not asking," she reminds him. "Sam, I'll be here when you get back," she promises him again.

He lets out a sigh. "Andy, I don't want to wait until I get back… _I_ can't wait that long," He tells her. He knows he sounds desperate, but- he _is_ desperate. Even if he could let himself believe that she would truly be here when he returned, he can't help but feel that he's already waited long enough. After all of this time, he finally has a chance with her and he doesn't want to let that go. All he wants is for her to want him to stay, to ask him to stay.

She doesn't say anything for what feels like an eternity and it's starting to make him nervous. But he's all in now and he's not giving up yet. "Andy… just ask me to stay," he tells her again.

She is still staring at him, but eventually, a smile starts to appear on her lips. "Stay," she says, softly.

A grin spreads across Sam's face as he grabs her hand and interlocks their fingers. "Okay," he agrees with a nod before leaning in to brush his nose against hers and then meeting her lips for a kiss.

"I'll tell Boyd," he states after pulling away.

"He's gonna be _so_ pissed," she says with a bit of a laugh.

He just responds with a shrug. Honestly, he could not care less what Boyd thinks because Andy wants him to stay and that is all that matters. After typing out a text and pressing send, he throws his phone behind him, grabs Andy, pulls her in close and kisses her.

"Are we really doing this?" She asks.

"Doing what?" He inquires, pulling away to look at her.

"This… Us," she explains.

"I hope so," he responds. "Do you want to do _this_?" He asks her, searching her eyes for answers.

"Yes," she nods. "I just wanted to make sure you did…"

"I do," he affirms. "I _really_ do," he adds.

She smiles, obviously satisfied with his answer because she pushes him against the bed and straddles him. He grins at her, placing his hands on her waist. She leans in to kiss him and he pulls her in close.

And once again, they are completely lost in each other.

==========A Collection of Thoughts==========

Honestly, not my favorite chapter, but I hope everyone liked it! In my opinion, the chapter I'm posting next is better. And the more people that review, the faster I'll post it! =P

FYI, I'll also be posting the next chapter of Pretend and Secrets this weekend.

I'm also working on another story, which I MAY post this weekend, but we'll see.


	7. Changing Minds (K Plus)

So, originally I was going to post a different chapter, but at the last minute, I decided that I needed to make a few changes. Soooo I searched through my computer and found this one. I still like my other one better, but I think this one is pretty good, too. Hope you like it!

=======A Collection of Thoughts=======

"Can we talk?" He asks, when she walks out of the locker room after shift.

"Sam…" she says, slowly shaking her head.

"Andy, please? C'mon, I'll give you a ride to the Penny," he offers. He sounds desperate and he knows, but he just needs to fix this. He needs to apologize. He needs everything to be okay with them before she goes to that damn fishing cabin with Callahan.

"Fine," she shrugs.

He nods and gestures for her to go first. They quietly walk down the hallway, out the door and hop into his truck without saying a word.

The entire three minute ride to the Penny is filled with nothing but awkward silence. He almost says something at least four different times, but he just can't figure out where to start. When he parks the truck, she jumps out immediately. He can't let her go without saying something, so he opens his door, runs to the other side and catches her by the arm to stop her. She looks up at him expectantly and just waits to hear whatever he's planning to say.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I was such an ass," he tells her.

"I don't know what you're problem was today. You said I could _always_ come to you," she reminds him.

"I know Andy, I know. I'm sorry. I'm _really_ sorry. I was just… pissed," he confesses. "I know that's not an excuse… I guess I … I guess I just misunderstood what happened between us the other night," he admits, hesitantly.

"What do you mean?" She asks, curiously. Her expression has softened a little, so he takes that as a good sign.

"I guess I just thought that it… that it meant something… and it kind of sucked to realize that it didn't," he shrugged, unable to look her in the eyes.

"Sam! You're the one who said it was what it was," she exclaims as her frustration starts to bubble up again.

"I know, but… Andy, you _know_ it was more than that… at least to me," he tells her, finally meeting her gaze.

"Uh… no I didn't. How would I know that?! You told Luke I was all _his_ ," she replies.

"Yeah, after he told me that it was _your_ idea to go to the cabin. What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to beg you to be with me? Sorry Andy, I'm not going to do that. Not when you're with someone else," He tells her.

"Sam I… It was _not_ my idea," she informs him. "Well, I mean, technically it was, but… but I suggested it a couple weeks ago… _before_ the blackout," she explains.

"Okay… but you're still going," he reminds her.

"No, I… I don't know," she shrugs. "This morning, I was going to tell him I didn't want to go and then you…"

"And then I what?" He probes.

"Then you said it was what it was," she says quietly as she looks at her shoes.

"Okay, but help me out here- why would that bother you? …I mean, you're with _him_ , Andy… You came to my place, you kissed me and we almost had sex, but… but you're still with _him_ ," he recaps. He lets out a sigh when he sees the look on her face and instantly feels guilty. "Look, you were upset, you wanted to feel better and I was just a warm body… it's okay, I get it," he tries to assure her.

"That's really what you think? You're just a warm body?" She wonders.

"Well, what would _you_ call it?" He asks.

"You… you're the person who's always there for me," she tells him. "At least, you _were_ ," she adds.

He lets out a big sigh. "Andy, I really am sorry about today," he apologizes.

"I know," she nods. And she does. She knows he's beating himself up way more than she ever could. "I know," she repeats, offering him an understanding smile.

"So… are we okay?" He questions.

"Yeah, we are," she assures him.

"Okay… good," he nods. "Well, let's go. Callahan's probably waiting for you in there," he says as he takes a step towards the door.

"Sam," she blurts out as she grabs his arm to stop him.

"Hm?" He says as he turns around the face her.

"I um… I don't want to go," she tells him.

"You… you don't want to go?" he repeats, as if he needs to say it again in order to fully comprehend the meaning behind her words.

She nods and they just stare at each other for a moment.

"I uh… I should go in there and tell Luke that I changed my mind… Will you… will you give me a ride home after?" She asks.

"Sure," he nods as he runs a hand down the back of his neck. "Just uh, come find me when you're done," he tells her, still a little shocked by this sudden turn of events.

"Thanks," she says, offering him a small smile.

"Ready?" He asks as he gestures toward the door.

"Yeah," she nods before they both start walking across the parking lot. When they step inside they share a quick look before she walks over to Luke and Sam makes his way over to Oliver and Jerry.

=======A Collection of Thoughts=======

He tries to focus on the story Oliver is telling, but it's proving to be difficult. He is much more interested in the conversation going on a few feet away from him. He really wishes he could read lips right about now. He can see that Callahan is not happy with whatever it is that Andy is saying. And she definitely looks guilty, but beyond that, it's hard to say what is going on.

The conversation lasts about fifteen minutes before Luke throws a few bills on the table and stomps out of the bar. He watches Andy close her eyes, take a deep breath and then look around before her eyes land on him. When their eyes meet, she sends him a smile, which he happily returns as he watches her walk towards him.

"Hey, so do you think you can give me that ride now?" She asks Sam when she walks up to the bar where he is sitting with his friends.

"Sure, McNally," he nods. He pulls out a few bills from his wallet and leaves them on the counter before turning to his friends. "See you guys later."

"Bye Sammy," they say as they watch him walk out the door with Andy.

"He wasn't happy," she declares as they get into his truck.

"Are you surprised?" Sam asks. He can't imagine anyone being happy after missing out on a weekend away with Andy McNally.

"No, I just… I don't know what I thought would happen. It's not like we've even been dating that long and… I mean, we never even discussed being exclusive or anything. I didn't think it was that serious," she shrugs. "He was _really_ pissed," she tells him.

"Just because you didn't want to go to the cabin? You guys can go some other time. He shouldn't make you feel guilty for changing your mind. You had a long day… a long _couple_ of days. He'll get over it," Sam reasons.

"No Sam, I uh… I didn't just tell him that I didn't want to go to the cabin… I told him that I didn't think we should see each other anymore," she explains.

"Oh," he says as he glances over at her.

"Yeah."

The rest of the ride is quiet with both Sam and Andy lost in their own thoughts. When Sam pulls up in front of her apartment building, she doesn't even seem to notice.

"Andy, we're here," he tells her.

She looks up at her apartment building and verifies that they are, in fact, at her place. "Oh," she says. "You uh… you want to come in?" She asks.

"Uh…"

"I think we should probably talk," she tells him.

"Yeah… I guess we should," he agrees before unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of his truck. He meets her at the other side and they walk up to her apartment in silence.

"You want a drink?" She asks as they walk in the door.

"Uh sure," he shrugs. She nods and pours them each a scotch and hands one glass to him. They both take a big sip and then place the glasses on the kitchen counter.

"'I'm not sure what to say," she admits, while she looks down at her shuffling feet.

"Why did you break up with Callahan?" He probes, taking a step closer to her.

"I uh… I've been having doubts for a while," she admits. "The way he treated Benny and then, everything that happened after I killed that pedophile. He was more concerned with getting on the case than making sure I was okay," she explains. "I just think that… the person you're supposed to be with… you should trust them more than anyone else, you know? And you should be able to talk to them about anything… And they should always be there for you when you need them. They should know when you're upset, even when you say you're fine. And you should never feel like you're not a priority in their life… You should be with the person who makes you laugh, who can always make you feel better… who makes you feel safe," she continues.

"And Callahan isn't that person for you?" He asks.

"No… no, he isn't," she shakes her head. "Actually… you are," she says so softly, he's not even sure if she actually said it. "Sam, it's really hard for me to trust people, but I've always trusted you and you've always made me feel safe. And even though you complain about my allergy to silence, I've never felt like you weren't listening to me. And even if I'm able to convince everyone else in the world that I'm fine, you always seem to know that I'm not. And you always try to make me feel better, and you pretty much always know exactly what to say to do just that… You make me laugh, you're always there for me… I'm just sorry it took me until recently to realize it," she tells him.

He's just staring at her, not saying a word and it's starting to make her feel uncomfortable.

"So um… whatever this thing is between us… I'd kind of like to see where it goes," she tells him. When she finally gets the courage to sneak at a glance at him, their eyes meet and he takes a couple steps forward so he is right in her personal space. He puts one hand on her waist while the other cups her face and he starts to lean in for a kiss. When there is only an inch between them, he stops and just hovers over her lips while he searches her eyes.

"You sure?" He asks.

She nods and closes the distance between them, crashing her lips against his.

=======A Collection of Thoughts=======

Thoughts?

I'm trying to post a chapter for Pretend tonight. And I'll hopefully be posting the next chapter for Roommates either tonight or tomorrow night, so look out for those.

As always, reviews are greatly appreciated.


	8. Secrets (K Plus)

==========Collection of Thoughts==========

He's been in a bad mood all day. He's had a throbbing headache ever since their fight this morning. He just hates fighting with her. Despises it, really.

And it was a stupid fight, too. He doesn't even know why she was so upset. She's been acting kind of weird for the past few days, actually, but today was _really_ weird. Usually he's a lot more in tune with what she's feeling, but this morning, he was definitely thrown for a loop.

It's not like they never fight. They do. But usually, they are able to talk and work things out rather quickly. If they don't figure it out before work, they'll usually find time in between her patrols to go sneak off to an observation room and talk. Then, they'll both apologize and everything will be okay with them again.

Not this time, though. She did not want to talk it out this morning and she avoided him all day at the station.

But now it's after shift and he's done letting whatever this is linger.

Honestly, he feels like her. The way he's just been obsessing and overthinking all day is so completely McNally, but he can't help it because he just hates when they're fighting. And really, all he wants to do is go find her and figure out what the hell is going on.

So, he spends a few minutes looking for her around the station, hoping that they can just talk and fix whatever happened earlier, but then he runs into Traci, who informs him that she went home almost an hour ago. So, he tries calling her cell phone, but she doesn't answer, which honestly freaks him out a bit. Even though they've been back together for almost a year, he still has fears of her changing her mind, running away, leaving him- for good. And the fact that she's stayed angry so much longer than she usually does- it's bringing back all of those fears.

He briefly considers just going to her apartment and forcing her to talk to him, but after careful consideration, he figures that it's probably not the best idea. He doesn't want to push her if she's not ready to talk. He's learned the hard way that it's a bad idea. Sometimes, she just needs a little time to think. Although, that thought scares him, too.

He's never been one to be hesitant and anxious, but when it comes to her, he just can't help it sometimes. She is just… everything to him and the thought of losing her is beyond comprehension. He can't even begin to imagine his life without her- doesn't ever want to imagine it… _really_ doesn't want to experience it.

As he drives home, he considers the fact that if she didn't have her own place to run off to when she was angry, they would've probably already made up by now. He's wanted to talk to her about living together for a while, but honestly, he's worried that will send her running. I mean, just getting her to accept a key to his place was difficult enough. It took quite a bit convincing and a lot of assurances that he wouldn't ask for it back this time, but eventually, she accepted the key and even gave him one to her place. But still, moving in together is a much bigger step than exchanging keys and he doesn't want to scare her away.

More than anything though, he wants to come home to her every single day. He wants to wake up tangled in the sheets with her. He wants to eat breakfast with her every morning. He wants all of his stuff mixed with all of her stuff. He wants them to call the same place home.

He even bought a ring. He's not exactly sure why he bought it, but he just had to. It was just over a month ago when he was interviewing the owner of a jewelry store who had been robbed, when he saw it and just thought it was perfect. He spent the next few days thinking of nothing but that ring and eventually, he went back and bought it for her. It's been taped under his dresser for the past month, so she wouldn't find it. He knows that if he's too scared to ask her to move in, he's definitely not going to propose, but he just had to buy it. He told himself that someday he was going to propose to her and he wanted to have that ring for when he did.

But yeah, first he's got to figure out a way to fix whatever it is that they're fighting about.

When he walks into his dark apartment, he lets out a heavy sigh and tosses his jacket on the back of the kitchen chair. He is exhausted and not the least bit hungry, so he decides that he's just going to go to bed. He needs sleep, although he doubts he'll actually be able to get any tonight- not with everything that's going on between them right now. He's sure he'll be tossing and turning all night, thinking about her and how he can fix this.

When he walks into his bedroom, he is stunned to a stop in the threshold. A wave of relief flashes over him as he sees her lying in his bed, fast asleep. His heart does a flip at the realization that she didn't run to her place- she came here… to him. Even though she was probably still upset, it didn't stop her from wanting to be here with him.

He quickly gets undressed and brushes his teeth before getting into bed with her. He pulls her towards him so her back is flush against his front and he holds her close as he places a kiss on her bare shoulder.

"Hey," she says softly, as she turns her head to look at him.

"Hey," he replies. "I'm _really_ glad you're here," he tells her. Because he is. He really, really is.

"I'm sorry about earlier… I know I was being ridiculous," she admits, as she turns around to face him.

"Why were you so upset?" He questions, hesitantly.

She takes a deep breath. "I guess I just… when you told me you agreed to do that undercover op, I just freaked out," she confesses.

"Andy, I told you that it's just going to be a few hours," he reminds her. "You won't even notice I'm gone."

"I know… I guess I just thought that if you wanted to do this one, maybe you'd want to do the long-term ones, too," she explains.

"I don't," he assures her. "Not even a little," he adds. "I told you this morning that I was just doing it as a favor for Steve," he reminds her, as he pushes a lock of hair out of her face.

She nods, but he doesn't feel like she's convinced.

"There's no way I'd leave you, okay?" he tells her. "Never."

She stares at him for a moment, digesting his words, before she slowly nods her head. "Okay," she says before leaning in for a kiss. He cups her face and holds her there for a moment, wanting her to feel just how much he means what he's saying.

"I wish you would've talked to me about this, this morning," he says, when they pull away.

"I know, I just… I needed to think," she responds.

"About what?" He asks.

"Um…" she begins. Suddenly, she's got a panicked look on her face and it's starting to seriously freak him out.

"What is it?" He probes, although he's not sure he really wants to know.

"I'm uh…"

"You're what?"

"I'm… pregnant," she confesses.

His eyebrows shoot up and his eyes go wide. "You're… pregnant," he repeats in a voice that is way too calm.

"Yes," she nods.

"Wow," he says, simply.

"I know."

"Is that why you've been acting so weird the past few days? Why didn't you tell me?" He wonders.

"I… I tried, but I was… afraid," she admits with a shrug.

"Why? Why would you be afraid to tell me?" He asks.

"Sam, it's not like we planned this! And we've never talked about kids. I don't even know if you _want_ kids!" She exclaims.

"I want kids," he tells her, calmly.

And his response seems to catch her a little off guard because she doesn't say anything for a good couple seconds. "Uh… okay, but I… I mean, we don't even live together. We're not married. This isn't exactly the best time," she reminds him.

"We can move in together. We can get married," he offers.

"Sam! I don't want to do that stuff just because I'm pregnant!" she tells him.

"You really think that's the only reason I'd want to live with you? The only reason I'd want to marry you?" He asks.

She shrugs.

"Andy, I've wanted all of that with you for the past year… probably longer," he tells her.

"But… you never said anything… you never asked," she reminds him.

He stares at her for a moment before he pushes the covers off of him and gets out of bed.

"What are you doing?" She asks.

"Hold on," he tells her with his finger in the air. She sits up and watches as he goes to his dresser, gets on his knees, sticks his hand underneath it and seems to be feeling around for something. Eventually, he finds whatever he's looking for and she hears the sound of duct tape being peeled off the underside of his dresser. She's wracking her brain trying to figure out what the hell he is doing right now, but suddenly, he stands up with his hand cupped around whatever this mystery items is, effectively hiding it from her eyes, and makes his way back towards her.

He gets back into bed and locks eyes with her before opening his hand to show her what he's holding. "I bought this a month ago," he tells her as he opens the black, velvet box in his hand.

Her eyes go wide at the sight of the beautiful diamond ring he's holding. It takes her a minute to formulate any kind of thought or sentence, but eventually she speaks up. "Then… then, why was it under there?" She asking, pointing to the dresser.

"I wasn't sure if you'd say yes," he says with a shrug.

"I would… I would say yes," she promises.

"Yeah?" He ask, as a smile escapes his lips.

"Yeah," she says with a small nod.

They lock eyes for a moment as he pushes some hair behind her ear. "Andy, I… I know this isn't what we planned and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, but I'm also really happy and… and really excited… And I promise that I will do everything I can to always be the kind of man that you and this baby deserve," he tells her as his fingers graze her side and land on her stomach. Andy smiles at him and places her hand on top of his as her eyes begin to water a bit. "This is what I've wanted for a long time and I can't wait to experience all of it with you," he continues. "So… will you marry me?" He asks, hopefully.

"Yes," she replies with a nod and a big smile.

He's grinning and running his hand down her cheek. "I love you," he tells her as he leans in to kiss her.

"Love you, too," she replies against his lips. When they pull apart, they're both smiling at each other, just soaking in the moment.

After a few seconds, he pulls the ring out of the box and slips it on the finger. She grins as she stops to admire it. "It's… wow… it's beautiful," she tells him, unable to take her eyes off of it. She's pretty sure if she was going to pick out her own engagement ring, this is exactly what she would pick. And the fact that he knows her so well makes her stomach do a flip and her eyes start to water again.

A single tear slides down her cheek and Sam instantly uses his thumb to wipe it away. "You okay?" He asks, with more than a little concern.

She nods. "I'm barely even pregnant and I'm _already_ emotional," she tells him with a shake of her head. "You sure you want to marry me?" She asks with a small smile. He thinks she's trying to make a joke, but there's something in her voice that makes him wonder if she's just a little bit serious.

"Never been more sure of anything," he replies as he pulls her closer and kisses her on the forehead.

"You realize I'm probably going to be an insane pregnant lady," she warns with a raised eyebrow. "Sure you can handle it?" She asks.

"I can handle you just fine," he assures her, causing her to let out a laugh.

==========Collection of Thoughts==========

I don't know why, but I just can't stop doing proposal scenes. I guess it's because I wasn't that happy with the proposal scene on the show. I mean, I feel like they could've given us a _bit_ more, don't you think?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this!

And you should all check out my two new stories: Roommates and Rewritten

And don't forget to review!


	9. Drunken Confessions (K Plus)

Well, I haven't updated this story in a bit, so I figured I probably should. I looked through my computer and tried to find something that was finished and halfway decent. It's not my favorite thing I've ever written, but I think it's kind of cute.

Hopefully, you'll like it. Enjoy!

========Collection of Thoughts========

"Sam!" He hears his name being called from across the bar just as he's about to head home for the night. It's been a long day and all he wants to do right now is collapse on his couch with a cold beer. He briefly considers just ignoring her and walking out the door, but ultimately he decides to turn around and face her. It's Nash who is waving her arms around in an effort to get his attention. Once they make eye contact from across the bar, his eyes land on Andy, who is standing beside her. He knows immediately that she's definitely had more than a few drinks tonight. It's the silly grin on her face, her flushed cheeks, and her bright glassy eyes along with the fact that her once perfect ponytail has now become a bit messy.

He watches as Nash grabs Andy by the wrist and drags her across the bar until they are both standing right in front of him.

"Hey, do you think you could give Andy a ride home? I have to go pick up Leo," she explains with an apologetic smile.

"Trace, I can walk. I'm _fine_ ," Andy argues.

"Andy, you're drunk. You can't walk home," Tracey tells her in her mom voice. Sam smiles. He was just about to say the same thing.

Andy is about to argue when Sam interjects. "Sure Nash, I'll take her home," he agrees.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it," she tells him.

"No problem. I'm used to driving this one around," he teases.

"It's not my fault you never let me drive," she reminds him with her hands on her hips.

He lets out a laugh and starts to tug on her elbow. "C'mon McNally," he says. She rolls her eyes and huffs the entire way to his car, as if he's the one inconveniencing _her_.

"Seriously Sam, I'm fine," she repeats.

"McNally, your place is on my way home," he reminds her. "It's no big deal."

She shrugs, seemingly accepting his words, before allowing him to help her into his truck. When he gets into the driver's seat and flips the ignition, she doesn't waste any time trying to find a radio station she likes. He lets her sing along to two different songs before he turns it down and tries to talk to her.

"Have fun tonight?" He asks.

"Mhm," she says with a nod.

"Probably won't be having fun tomorrow," he reminds her with a smirk.

She rolls her eyes. "I'm fine. I'm not even _that_ drunk," she says while crossing her arms over her chest.

"Okay," he says with a laugh.

When he pulls up to her apartment and turns off his car, she looks over at him with a small smile playing on her lips.

"I'm not tired," she declares with narrow eyes and a bit of a pout.

"Okay, then don't go to sleep," he proposes.

She frowns. "Come up and hang out with me," she suggests.

He looks at her for a moment, considering the offer. "Okay, sure," he shrugs. It's not like he has anything else to do and he doesn't usually make a habit of saying no to Andy, even when he actually _wants_ to.

She claps her hands like a child and hops out of the truck before skipping all the way to the front door of her building. He laughs under his breath as he watches her enthusiasm.

"Want a beer?" She asks, once they're both inside.

"Sure, but _you_ should have water," he tells her, sternly.

"You're no fun," she frowns, handing him the beer. Before he can respond, she tells him she'll be right back and skips to her bedroom.

She appears in front of him only moments later, except now she's not wearing any pants. "Can you help?" She asks, turning around and pointing to the button on the back of her shirt, right under her neck.

He unbuttons it and she immediately pulls the shirt over her head as she makes her way back to her bedroom. He can't help but watch as she walks away wearing nothing but a bra and panties. Yeah, she's definitely drunk.

She comes back out wearing an oversized t-shirt and nothing else. He can't help but notice that she suddenly isn't wearing a bra, either. He tries his best not to stare at her long tan legs and the shape of her breasts through her shirt, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. He's not proud of the thoughts swirling around in his head and suddenly, he's thinking that maybe this wasn't the best idea. So, in effort to distract himself, he decides to go pour her a glass of water.

"Drink this," he insists, handing her the large glass.

"You take such good care of me," she quips with a smile.

He smiles at her. "You should really get to bed."

"Are you going to join me?" She grins.

His mouth goes dry at the suggestion and all of the hard work he did removing those thoughts from his brain is now completely wasted. He swallows, hoping to wet his insanely dry throat and is just about to say something when she speaks up again.

"I'm not tired," she argues, skipping over to her family room and plopping down on the couch. "C'mon, the game is on. Watch with me," she says with a smile as she pats the spot next to her.

He shrugs and joins her on the couch. The second he sits down, she scoots much closer to him and he can't help but notice the fact that her t-shirt is riding up her thighs.

"Sam?"

"Yes, McNally?" He asks, not taking his eyes off the television. He's trying his best not to look at her right now, hoping he'll be able to maintain the small amount of self-control he has left.

"You know… you're not my training officer anymore," she declares as she stares at her lap.

"I know… I was there when you got cut loose," he reminds her.

"And you know… Luke and I broke up three months ago," she mentions.

"Yeah I know," he replies, still staring at the television.

"Are you just… not interested?" She asks, glancing over at him as she bites down on her lower lip.

"What?" He asks with widened eyes as he finally meets her gaze.

"Well, I mean… you haven't made a move," she points out.

"What?" He repeats. He's sure he misheard her. He must have. He's actually a bit worried that he may be hallucinating.

"You heard me," she insists, but then continues, anyway. "Are you ever gonna make a move?" She asks, hesitantly.

"I…. I uh… I didn't know you wanted me to," he explains, trying not to fumble over his words.

"Well… now you know," she says with a shrug and a smile.

"Yeah…" he says, scratching the back of his head, completely unsure what he's supposed to do now.

"So…" she begins, still staring at him.

"So…?"

"Are you just going to sit there or are you gonna to kiss me?" She questions.

"Now?" He asks with wide eyes.

"Yes, now," she confirms with a nod.

He stares at her for a second and takes a deep breath. "No, Andy, I'm not going to kiss you right now," he informs her.

"Why not?" She asks with a pout.

"Because. You've been drinking and… and when I _do_ kiss you, I'd kind of like you to remember it in the morning," he explains.

"Well, as someone who has kissed you before, I don't think we need to worry about it not being memorable," she flirts. And God, maybe she _did_ have too much to drink. Did she really just say that to him?

He lets out a laugh and a smile dances on his lips. "Still, I wouldn't want you to think I was taking advantage," he tells her.

She lets out a frustrated sigh. "Fine," she says with a roll of her eyes, as if he's being completely ridiculous.

They continue to stare at the television for a few minutes, each of them pretending to watch the game, but really, they're completely lost in their own thoughts. After several minutes, Andy turns to him again and speaks up.

"So… what are you doing tomorrow?" She inquires as she starts to nervously nibble on her bottom lip.

"What?" He asks, turning to meet her gaze.

"Tomorrow… I promise I won't be drunk tomorrow," she smiles.

His eyes widen as he tries to comprehend her words. "Um… okay. Sure, let's hang out tomorrow."

"Don't sound so excited," she says with a roll of her eyes.

He lets out a laugh and continues to watch the game with her.

========Collection of Thoughts========

The next morning, he is waiting for her outside the woman's locker room with two coffees in hand.

When he sees her, he lets out a small laugh at her appearance. By the look on her face and her generally disheveled appearance, he can tell that she is more than a little hungover. He holds out the cup of coffee and she immediately takes it, flashing him a quick smile before taking a large sip. When she pulls the cup of coffee away from her mouth, he holds out his palm and presents her with two pills.

"For the headache," he explains when she gives him a questioning look.

She nods and takes the pills from him. She pops them in her mouth and takes a quick sip of coffee to wash them down. "You really do take good care of me," she says, repeating her words from the night before. He smiles, glad to hear that she remembers at least some of what happened last night. And the fact that she doesn't seem to be showing any signs of regret over what she said… well, that has to be a good sign, right?

"I try," he responds with a shrug before they head towards the parking lot to start their shift.

The first ten minutes in the squad car are quiet, but he can tell that her mind is racing. He waits for her to speak up, but after a full fifteen minutes of silence, he can't take it any longer.

"What's up, McNally?" He asks.

"Huh?"

"I can practically hear you thinking over there," he informs her.

"Oh, uh…. I was just thinking about what an idiot I was last night," she admits, causing his stomach to drop.

"Oh yeah? You do something you regret?" He asks, stealing a glance at her and meeting her gaze.

"Um… no, not exactly," she replies, knowing what he is actually asking with his question.

"Not exactly?"

"Well, uh… I regret that I got so drunk… that you had to take care of me," she explains.

"McNally, I didn't mind taking care of you," he informs her, meeting her gaze for a brief moment before returning his eyes to the road. "It's not like you threw up or anything," he adds.

"Well, at least there's that," she laughs, before she continues to stare out the window.

"So… is that the _only_ thing you regret?" He asks, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Is there something else?" She inquires.

"No," he replies quickly.

"Okay… then yes, that's the only thing," she tells him, causing a brief smile to cross Sam's lips.

"Okay. So… dinner tonight?" He asks.

"What?"

"You want to have dinner tonight?" He clarifies, trying to sound way more confident than he feels.

"With you?" She questions.

He rolls his eyes. "No, with Jerry," he tells her sarcastically.

She laughs. "No thanks, I don't think Traci would like me having dinner with Jerry," she replies.

"Well, how would she feel about you having dinner with me?" He wonders.

"I think she'd probably be okay with that," Andy grins.

"And would _you_ be okay with that?" He inquires.

"I'd be more than okay with that," she assures him with a nod.

"Okay… good," he says as he glances over at her and they exchange a quick smile.

"So… where are you taking me?" She asks with a grin.

========Collection of Thoughts========

So… not the best thing I've ever written, but I hope you liked it.

Don't forget to review!


	10. Lust (M)

I had kind of forgotten about this chapter until it was personally requested by someone :)

PS- I realize it's out of character and it would never actually happen, but that's what makes it fun, right?

Enjoy!

==========Collection of Thoughts==========

She's been tapping her pen against the desk for the past five minutes. She should be filling out the report that is in front of her, but she _really_ doesn't want to relive the day she just had. Not yet, anyway.

She glances over at the D's office, but doesn't see him. She sighs.

Why is it that after everything, she still needs him to make her feel better after a hard day? They've been apart for almost a year and yet, she knows that he is the only one who can make her forget, who can make her feel happy again, even if it's fleeting. God, sometimes she can't help but think that something is seriously wrong with her. Ever since Traci told her that Sam and Marlo broke up, she hasn't been able to stop thinking about him. It's actually starting to drive her a bit crazy.

Then, out of the corner of her eye, she sees him. He's walking down the hallway and God, he looks good. _That shirt, those jeans. Damn him._

Without even thinking, she jumps up out of her chair and starts walking towards him.

"Hey, I heard what happened. Are you okay?" He asks the second he sees her walking towards him. She doesn't miss the noticeable amount of concern in his eyes. And yeah, it just makes him even harder to resist.

She doesn't respond, she just walks right up to him and grabs him by the sleeve, leading him to the nearest observation room.

"McNally, what are you doing?" He asks, but he doesn't put up a fight, he just lets her lead him down the hallway.

She pulls him into observation and locks the door behind them.

"Do you wanna talk?" He asks, assuming that's the reason behind her strange behavior.

"No talking," she says, before she closes in on him and presses her lips to his, pushing him against the wall just as she did the night of the blackout so long ago. He is obviously taken back, but it only takes a moment for him to wrap his arms around her and pull her even closer, just as he's done so many times before. One hand is on her hip while the other is tangled in her hair. Their tongues are fighting for control as she begins to work on unbuttoning his shirt.

"Andy- we should… we should talk," he tells her a minute or so later, although talking is actually the last thing he wants to do. It's been way too long since he's been this close to her, since he's kissed her, since she's kissed him. All he wants is to run his fingers along her bare skin. All he wants is to hear that noise she makes when he nibbles on her ear or kisses her neck. All he wants is to be inside her again, but really, he just wants to be with her and he knows that this is not the way to go about it. He knows they need to talk. He's been trying to figure out a way to talk to her ever since he decided to break up with Marlo two weeks ago. He's almost asked her to dinner at least three times, but he's just… honestly, he's beyond terrified. He knows this is his absolute last chance with her and what if she doesn't want to try? What if he messes it up?

"No talking," she repeats, mumbling against his lips as she finally gets his shirt unbuttoned and begins running her hands up and down his chest. The feeling of her soft hands touching his skin is all he needs to get lost in her. His mind goes blank and he has no idea what he was even saying just a few moments earlier.

He picks her up and she immediately wraps her legs around him. He carries her to the back of the room and places her on the table. He is standing in between her legs and he starts to work on unbuttoning her uniform, while placing kisses up and down her neck. As he inhales the perfect smell of Andy McNally, he is suddenly overcome with memories he had forced himself to forget. The sun shining in his bedroom while the two of them roll around in his sheets before shift. Him pulling her close in the locker room, trying to comfort her after a long day. Him placing kisses on her wet skin while they're in the shower. Her spending the night sleeping on his chest. Him pushing her against the door the second they get home because he just can't wait another second. Her sitting on his lap at the Penny, while his hands run up and down her thigh. Her striping down in front of him until she's wearing nothing but a black bra and panties. Him doing her on his kitchen table in the middle of cooking dinner. Her waking him up in the morning by placing kisses down his chest, going lower and lower until his mind goes completely blank.

Suddenly, he is awoken from his memories, by the most perfect sound.

"Sam…" she moans and he remembers just how much he loves the sound of his name on her lips. He pushes her uniform off of her shoulders and then lifts her t-shirt over her head, before tossing it aside. His hands are instantly all over her, re-familiarizing himself with everything he could never actually forget.

She throws her head back, relishing the feel of his hands running all over her body while his lips are on her neck. It's been over ten months since she's felt his hands on her skin or his lips on her throat. He is sucking on her skin and she knows it'll leave a mark, but at the moment, she couldn't care less. He is nibbling on her ear and she can't hold back the moan escaping her lips. He always knew exactly where she wanted to be touched, kissed, sucked and apparently, he hasn't forgotten.

His tongue is running on the edge of her ear, while she pushes her shoes off with her feet before beginning to unbuckle his belt. She unbuttons his jeans and slides them down his legs, revealing just how turned on he is by her. She immediately pushes his boxers down, exposing his erection. He groans as she grabs him and gently squeezes while running her hand up and down. For a moment, he throws his forehead down on her shoulder, just enjoying the feel of her hands on him for the first time in way too long, but then he hurries to unbutton her pants and pulls them off of her. Her legs are immediately wrapped around him again as his lips meet hers and he grabs the back of her neck to pull her closer. His hands move down her back as he unclasps her bra and tosses it to the side. He sucks in a breath as her nipples rub against his chest. He takes a moment to savor the feeling before pulling back slightly so he can cup her breasts with his hands. She lets out a quiet moan against his lips before he pulls his mouth off of hers and runs his tongue around each nipple.

"Sam…" she says again. This time she's begging and she knows it. She wants him. Now.

He lifts her up slightly so he can pull her underwear off and then places her back down on the table. She grabs him again and guides him towards her. He presses his lips against hers and pulls her towards him, pushing himself inside her. She lets out a gasp, while a groan escapes his lips.

He slowly pulls himself almost all the way out before plunging right back in, causing her to let out another gasp. He continues to thrust inside her slowly for just a few moments before quickening the pace while his fingers get tangled in her hair.

She is digging her nails into his back and throwing her head back in ecstasy. "Oh God…" she moans before biting her lip, obviously realizing that she needs to be quiet.

"Andy…" he says, just above a whisper.

Hearing him say her name like that makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. God, she missed sex with Sam. Sex with Nick was good, great even, but it wasn't anything like sex with Sam.

His arms are wrapped around her, allowing her to lean back and give him more access. He's deeper inside of her now and he lifts her leg, causing her to tighten. She has to bite down on her lip _hard_ to stop herself from screaming. He quickens the pace again and she's gasping with each thrust. "God, Sam…" She says in her breathiest, sexiest voice. "God, you feel so good," she tells him as he sucks on her neck, leaving quite a few marks.

"You too," he chokes out. _"So_ good," he tells her in between breaths. He continues to kiss up her throat before blowing a breath in her ear and then nibbling on her cartilage. He speeds up once again and by her gasps and the way she's beginning to flutter around him, he can tell she is close. He reaches down and starts to tease at her clit while taking her earlobe in between his teeth.

"Shit. Sam," she pants before she leans back even further, propping herself up on her hands. This new angle has him even deeper and allows him better access at her clit, which he takes full advantage of by adding some more pressure. It only takes a few more thrusts before she is completely over the edge. The noises coming out of her mouth and the vibrations occurring around him is more than enough to push him there as well.

He slows down the pace as they both ride out their orgasms. When it's over, neither one of them has any idea what to say. He pulls out of her and nervously starts to collect his clothes while he tries to think of something to say. She hops off the table and begins getting dressed as quickly as she can.

"Andy," he says finally, causing her to look over at him. "What does this mean?" He asks as he puts on his shirt.

She shoots him a look, obviously surprised that he's said anything at all. "Why does it have to mean something?" She asks with a shrug.

"We just had sex… You don't think that means anything?" He questions her, while buckling his belt.

"Look, I had an awful day today and I knew you would make me feel better, okay? That's it. We're just too adults who had sex. No big deal," she informs him, with a little more attitude than she intended.

"Oh," he says softly.

"Oh?" She repeats, turning towards him, as she buttons up her uniform.

He shrugs. "I guess I was hoping for a different answer," he admits.

"Like what?" She asks.

"I was kind of hoping that maybe... you wanted to give us another chance," he tells her.

"You and Marlo _just_ broke up," she points out.

"I know."

"So that's how it is? Your girlfriend dumps you and _now_ you want to be with me again?" She asks angrily.

"No! Andy, I _never_ stopped wanting to be with you!" He tells her, not even caring how desperate he sounds.

"Could've fooled me," she spits out.

"And _I_ broke up with Marlo," he informs her.

" _You_ broke up with Marlo?" She repeats, calming down a bit.

"Yes," he says with a nod.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Why?" She asks.

"Because… I'm still in love with you," he tells her, as if it's obvious.

She waits for him to continue. She is determined not to let him off the hook that easily.

"Because I'm done pretending that I'm not," he adds. "I've been trying to figure out how to talk to you about this for the past two weeks… I just… I'm fucking terrified," he admits with a fake laugh. "Andy, I've spent 60% of the time I've known you trying not to want you, trying to get over you, trying to move on and I… I just can't. And honestly, I'm done trying… And… and it's fucking scary… knowing exactly what you want, but also knowing that you may never get it… I still love you, okay? I never stopped… and if… if you wanted to give this another chance… I promise you, I won't walk away again. I _will_ fight for us this time... I'm not going to screw it up this time. I'm _not,"_ he tells her confidently.

And she honestly has no idea what she's supposed to say. She's just staring at him with wide eyes, completely bewildered by his words.

"Sam... I just... What am I supposed to say to that?" She asks.

He lets out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose for a second before his eyes return to hers. "Do you… do you think you would've come to the Penny that night?" He asks.

"I… I don't know," she replies, a little bit exasperated.

He takes deep breath. "What about tonight? If I asked you to the Penny tonight… would you go?" He asks.

"Uh…"

"Just one drink, Andy. _Please_ ," he implores.

She seems to think about it for an eternity, but eventually she starts to nod. "Okay... one drink," she agrees.

"Okay," he says as a grin overtakes his face. "But this time, I'm meeting you at my truck," he tells her.

"Okay," she agrees with a laugh.

==========Collection of Thoughts==========

PS- In this story, Andy and Nick hooked up a couple times, but they never got together officially... Let's just say that they eventually decided to just be friends :)

Also, I didn't get many reviews for the last chapter, so I hope people are still enjoying this… Let me know either way!

And if anyone has any requests, please let me know and I'll see what I can do.

Oh and if you haven't already, check out my other stories. I just posted a new one recently called Expecting.

And of course, don't forget to review!


	11. Hope (K)

I realize this chapter is shorter than I normally post, but I like it the way it is and didn't think it was necessary to add anything else. I've actually got quite a few of these shorter chapters written and I'm planning on posting them this month.

Anyway, hope you like this.

=========Collection of Thoughts=========

How did he let himself get here _again_? He swore he would never again let himself get into this situation, but here he is.

After everything fell apart with her and Callahan, he told himself that he wouldn't get his hopes up. That just because she was single, it didn't mean that she would suddenly want to be with him.

But then she started coming over and chatting him up at the Penny way more than she used to. Instead of just exchanging a few words when she went to get a drink at the bar, she'd actually sit beside him and stay there. For a _while_. And they'd talk and laugh until it was time to go home.

And then she started inviting him up when he gave her rides. They'd share a beer or watch the hockey game. Once she even put on a movie.

And she would sit way closer to him on the couch. He could never tell if it was on purpose, but still- her knee would graze his thigh and then just… _stay_ there. And once, after a particularly grooling shift, she fell asleep on his shoulder.

And when they worked the night shift, they'd always go out for breakfast together- just the two of them. They'd go to their favorite diner and sit in the corner booth and he would entertain her with stories from his few first years on the job and she would just smile and laugh at him. And it was… nice.

And there had been a lot of flirting lately. Like a _lot_ of flirting.

And two weeks ago, on her day off, she texted him when she knew he was off shift, asking if he was hungry. And that's how he ended up at her place eating dinner with her. She claimed she had just made too much and wasn't really a fan of leftovers. And yeah, maybe it was true, but he really didn't want it to be. And even if it _was_ true, she could've called anyone to come eat with her. She could've called Nash or Diaz or Epstein or even Tommy, but instead, she called _him_.

So yeah, that's how he let himself get his hopes up again. She even had him considering asking her out on a _real_ date. It's just that… he seriously thought that's what she wanted.

But now here he is, once again, sitting at the bar watching her flirt with another detective across the room. The smile and the hair flip and the batting of her eyelashes. God, he wants to throw up.

Detective Connors has been working at 15 division for the past two days. Something about a case of his that's connected to a string of robberies 15 has been investigating. And yeah, Sam knew he had a thing for McNally pretty quickly. And honestly, Sam was pretty pissed when he ended up getting paired with Epstein because Connors just _needed_ McNally to work with the D's today.

And now it's after shift and they're at the Penny and he swears, she hasn't even looked his way once tonight.

He just can't stand it anymore. He can't watch the two of them for another second or he might end up decking the guy. And the numerous shots he's consumed because of it, are not helping as much as they should.

No, he needs to get out of here.

So he does.

He grabs his coat and all but stomps out of the Penny, making sure he doesn't glance over at her even once.

When the cold air hits his face, he exhales and continues making his way to his truck. But then he realizes, he probably shouldn't be driving, so halfway there, he pulls out his phone to call a cab.

"Sam, you leaving?" She asks, following him outside and calling after him.

He lets out a breath and shuts his phone. "Yeah, McNally, I'm leaving," he says, purposefully sarcastic and his back still turned towards her.

"Why?" She asks, still walking towards him.

He stops and pinches the bridge of his nose while turning to look at her. "Seriously?" He asks.

"Yes. Seriously. Come back inside and hang out with me," she suggests with a smile.

"Oh, _now_ you want to hang out with me?" He asks, incredulously.

"I _always_ want to hang out with you," she replies. "Come on," she says, nodding her head towards the door.

And those words… he _almost_ gives in. But then he silently chastises himself for being such a schmuck and stands his ground. "No thanks," he scoffs.

"Are you pissed at me for something?" She wonders. "What did I do?"

"Nothing, McNally, okay? You did nothing," he tells her with this defeated tone in his voice. "I'm just tired of watching you and Connors bat your eyelashes at each other all night," he adds before he can think better of it.

"What?" She asks, confused.

"Andy, I just… I can't keep getting my hopes up like this. It's not fair," he confesses. And shit, he did _not_ mean to say that out loud.

"Your hopes up? What? What are you talking about?" She questions.

He lets out an angry breath. Well, the cat's pretty much out of the bag…

"C'mon. You _know_ what I'm talking about... I can't keep doing this… thinking that maybe we'll have a chance and then watching you go be with someone else. I just can't," he expresses.

"Sam, I'm _not_ with anyone else!" she says, desperately as she takes a step closer.

"Maybe not yet, but you will be, right?" He says- not actually asking the question.

"No! Sam, I… I thought… I thought you didn't want this. Why didn't you say something?" She asks, taking another step forward.

"Oh c'mon, Andy. It's not like you've ever given me a reason to think you'd actually be… receptive to something like that... In fact, you've given me quite a few reasons to think that you wouldn't," he reminds her.

"Sam! I've been dropping hints left and right. I've practically been throwing myself at you for the past month!" She exclaims.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd remember you throwing yourself at me, Andy," he tells her with a roll of his eyes.

"So these past few weeks… us hanging out every night… getting breakfast together… constantly flirting with each other… sitting so close on the couch… all of that was just us being friends?" she questions. "Because I don't normally act that way with my friends," she tells him. "I mean Sam, I cooked you dinner!"

And yeah, now he's not really sure what to say. Even if he knew what to say, he doesn't think he'd be able to get the words out. His mouth is dry and his brain is just… in shock.

"But… but time went by and you just… you never said anything, you never asked me out… so I thought… I mean, _I_ was always the one going and sitting next to you at the bar. _I_ was the one who asked _you_ to get breakfast. _I_ invited _you_ up to my place when you gave me a ride. _I_ cooked _you_ dinner… I mean, how many times does someone have to drop a hint before she just gives up?" She asks.

"Uhh…" He stammers, still completely unable to form a sentence.

"I just… I figured you weren't interested," she explains.

"I was," he confesses.

"But you didn't do anything about it," she points out.

"I… I wasn't sure you wanted me to," he admits.

"Well I did," she replies.

"Okay," he says with a nod.

"I still do," she prompts.

"Okay," he says again before his lips are on hers and he's backing her up against his truck.

=========Collection of Thoughts=========


	12. Interest (K)

Another short chapter I wrote a while ago… It takes place several weeks after Luke and Andy break up, but in this world- Sam isn't going undercover.

Enjoy!

=======Collection of Thoughts=======

There's about an hour left of their shift when Andy decides that they both are in desperate need of coffee if there is any chance of them getting through the pile of paperwork still on their desks. And when she walks into the kitchen, she finds Lisa, one of the crime scene technicians rifling through the fridge.

"Hey Lisa," Andy greets her as she walks over to the coffee maker.

"Hey, how are you?" Lisa inquires with a big smile.

"Good… just grabbing some coffee… Sam and I have _a lot_ of paperwork to finish," she explains as she starts pour a cup. "How are _you_?" Andy asks.

"I'm good," she shrugs. "But um, actually… speaking of Sam… I've uh… kind of been meaning to ask you something," she says, obviously nervous.

"What's up?" Andy asks as she struggles to get the lid on Sam's cup.

"So… he's not seeing anyone… is he?" She asks.

Andy's eyes dart up at her, obviously taken back by her question. "Uh… no," Andy replies. "Why?"

"Just wondering," she shrugs. "I mean, he's obviously insanely attractive and he seems like a really great guy… I've kind of been trying to work up the nerve to ask him out for weeks," she explains as a light blush spreads across her face. "But every time I see him, I always chicken out," she admits.

"Oh," Andy says, trying to hide her discomfort.

"So… do you think… I mean, is there any way you could maybe… scope out the situation for me? See if he's interested?" She asks with a hopeful smile.

"Uh…"

"Is that too weird?" She asks, quickly, seemingly picking up on Andy's hesitation.

"No, no it's fine," Andy assures her before she can even think any of it through. Although, she's immediately scolding herself the second the words leave her mouth.

"Really? You don't mind?" She asks, excitedly.

"Uh yeah, it's no problem." Andy tells her through gritted teeth.

"Thanks Andy! I owe you one," she promises before she waltzes out of the room, leaving Andy in stunned silence.

=====Moments=====

"Can you _believe_ she asked me that?" Andy exclaims as she is changing out of her uniform after shift.

"What's the big deal?" Traci asks as she unbuttons her uniform.

"Seriously? That's so weird!" Andy declares.

"Is it?" Traci asks, her voice laced with skepticism.

"Yes!" Andy replies.

"Come on Andy, if she asked you to set her up with Chris or Dov, you wouldn't have given it a second thought," Traci reasons. "It's _only_ weird because you want Swarek for yourself," she accuses.

"What? No I don't," Andy argues with a shake of her head.

"Uh _yeah_ you do," Traci retorts.

"Trace, Luke and I _just_ broke up. I'm not ready to date," Andy reminds her.

"But if you _were_ ready, you'd want to date Sam," Traci counters.

"What? That's not what I said!" Andy disputes.

"Then why don't you want to set him up with Lisa?" Traci asks. "She's pretty, nice, smart… I'm sure they'd get along," she adds with a testing smirk.

"I… I… it's just weird, okay? I mean, c'mon, can you imagine Sam's reaction if I went up to him and asked him if he was interested in her? He'd probably look at me like I was crazy," Andy rationalizes.

"You're the one who's always claiming that you two are friends… _friends_ do this kind of thing," Traci points out. "Unless one friend secretly wants to take the other friend off ice," Traci grins.

"Ugh. Fine. Whatever. I'll ask him, okay?" Andy says with a roll of her eyes, suddenly determined to prove Traci wrong.

=====Moments=====

Forty-five minutes and two shots later, Andy is sitting next to Sam at the bar, trying to figure the best way to go about this. It's honestly the last thing she wants to do, but she'll just never hear the end of it from Traci if she doesn't, so… yeah, what choice does she have?

Eventually, she summons the courage to bring it up and takes a deep breath. "So…. I'm curious… what _is_ your type?" She inquires.

"What?" He asks, with a quirked eyebrow.

"Your type… you know… your type of woman," she clarifies.

"Why do you want to know?" He wonders.

"I'm asking for a friend," she assures him.

"A friend," he repeats, like he's testing out the words. "And _who_ is this friend?" He asks, suspiciously.

"Lisa," she informs him. "She's one of the crime scene techs… you know her?"

"Yeah, isn't she the one who always plays music in her office?" he replies.

"Yeah, exactly… so you interested?" She asks. And suddenly, she's kind of nervous about his answer.

"Am I interested?" He asks, giving her this really weird as he swirls his glass full of scotch.

"Yeah," she shrugs, averting his gaze.

"I don't know. Do you think I should be?" He wonders.

She glances over at him and quickly offers another shrug. "Um… well… she's pretty and nice and funny and smart… and you obviously have a thing for blondes, so…"

"I _obviously_ have a thing for blondes?" He asks, incredulously.

"Yeah, I mean, Monica is blonde and so is Gail," she shrugs.

"Peck? What does Peck have to do with this?" He questions.

"Well… uh… didn't you guys…?" She asks, nervously.

"What? No! Did she tell you we did?" He probes.

"No, no… I never asked her… I just assumed because I saw you leave the bar together that night we got cut loose," she reminds him.

"We didn't _leave_ the bar together… we walked outside together," he clarifies. "And then we went home… _separately_ ," he explains.

"Oh," she responds.

"Yeah," he says before taking a sip of his drink.

"Okay um well…" She begins to stammer.

"Look Andy, I think you _know_ who I'm interested in, but if you think I should give it a shot with Lisa than just say so and I'll ask her out for a drink," Sam says, as casual as ever.

She's a little bit stunned for a second, but suddenly, words are leaving her mouth before she even has a chance to process. "No, I uh… I think maybe you two aren't actually right for each other," she tells him.

For a second, he lets just the fairest hint of a smile appear on his lips, but it only lasts for a moment because then he immediately schools his features. "Yeah, I think you're probably right," he agrees.

"Yeah," she nods as she nibbles on her bottom lip.

"So uh… you want another drink?" He asks as he gestures towards her empty glass.

She lets a small smile slip out as she nods her head. "Yeah, thanks."

=======Collection of Thoughts=======

I know… it's very short and has barely any plot, but I still sort of like it… I wish we could've seen something like this early on in the show- where someone was interested in Sam and Andy got jealous. I don't know.

Hope you liked it!

I will be posting the next chapter of Rewritten this weekend, if not earlier. I'm still working on Roommates…. If you haven't noticed this about me, I always have SUCH a hard time writing the last chapter. UGH.

Anyway, please review!


	13. Impatience (K Plus)

So it's been a while since I wrote a nice, long chapter for this story. As I've mentioned before, I've been having difficultly coming up with a complete chapter that was more than 3-4 pages, so I'm very happy that I finally came up with this. Basically, this story starts two years after the finale and… yeah, that's all I'm going to say.

Be warned, it's entirely possible that this is too fluffy, but I don't really mind  
Hopefully you don't either.

========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS========

"I found it!" Andy declares as she finally locates Mya's pink stuffed elephant under the blanket that's draped across their couch.

"Where was it?" Sam wonders as he walks into the family room with Mya on his hip.

"Under the blanket," she explains as she points to the couch.

"Ah," he replies. "You sure you don't mind dropping her off at Marlo's this morning?" He asks. Sam's trying to get to the station early this morning as he just got a call that a couple of uniforms apprehended the suspect they've been looking for and he'd like to start the interrogation before the guy has time to think about a lawyer.

" _Sam_ , of course I don't mind. You've been looking for this suspect for the past week. You should get going," she tells him.

"Thanks," he says as he leans in for a kiss. "See you at the station," he adds before he passes Mya to her and gives the little girl a kiss on the head. "Bye sweetheart," he tells his daughter as he cups her cheek and gives her a smile.

"Bye!" She chirps, causing Sam's smile to widen.

"Love you," he tells both of his girls before giving them each another kiss.

"Love you, too," Andy replies as she watches him head towards the front door.

The second the screen door shuts and Sam walks down the steps, Mya is wiggling in Andy's arms. "Down," she demands.

Andy lets out a smile and puts the little girl down on the floor. Mya quickly makes her way to the screen door before she puts her hand on it and watches her father pull out of the driveway. And yeah, Andy's heart basically melts. She continues to watch her while quickly pulling out her phone, snapping a photo and texting it to Sam after typing out the message, "missing you already."

It honestly gets to her every time- how much Mya just absolutely loves Sam. She is the epitome of a Daddy's girl- a fact that Sam is completely over the moon about. She practically follows him everywhere he goes and is _always_ showing off for him. Then, there's the way she snuggles with him whenever she's tired and the way she just plops herself right onto his lap whenever she catches him sitting down. Oh and when he picks her up at Marlo's or when he comes home from work, she always runs to him with a big smile, yelling "Daddy!" And the grin on Sam's face when she leaps into his arms never ceases to make Andy's heart flutter. Getting to witness the relationship between the two of them grow and evolve has been something she's seriously enjoyed.

It just makes her even more desperate to have babies with him. She can't wait to see Mya as a big sister and she can't wait to see Sam fawning all over _their_ child. Yeah, Andy wants to be pregnant like yesterday. It's been almost four months since they started trying and she's getting pretty impatient. It's not as if she thought it'd happen overnight, but she was kind of hoping it wouldn't take _too_ long because the thing is, she's ready _now_. Plus, she kind of figured that since Marlo got pregnant without even trying, it probably wouldn't be _too_ difficult for her, especially considering the countless hours she's spent researching how to increase her chances of conceiving. She's spent hours upon hours reading books and searching the web. She's been obsessively tracking her ovulation and demanding that Sam have sex with her as much as humanly possible whenever she is ovulating. She's even lifted the ban on fooling around at work during her ovulation days, and yeah, Sam has taken advantage. So yeah, she kind of thought she'd be pregnant by now and every month that goes by, she gets more and more frustrated.

Yeah, the past four months have been an emotional rollercoaster. Every month she's been convinced that she's pregnant, but then, she takes the test and she's completely crushed. And after the sadness subsides, she usually becomes angry. Most of the time, her anger is directed at the universe, but she's also had a few moments where Marlo's been the target of her fury. Sometimes, she just can't help but feel frustrated that she got pregnant by mistake when Andy's been trying for months. She even had a moment of stupidity where she also cursed Traci for accidentally getting pregnant, but she always feels guilty about both of those thoughts. Soon after the anger dissipates, the anxiety finally kicks in and she is entirely convinced that she's infertile and she'll never be able to give Sam a baby. Eventually, she forces herself to read all of the statistics regarding the average time it typically takes to get pregnant and is usually able to calm herself down. However, while that temporarily calms her anxieties about being barren, it does nothing to ease her impatience about getting pregnant.

What's even worse than her own disappointment is the look on Sam's face when another pregnancy test comes up negative or when she's got to tell him that she has her period. She can't help but feel like she's letting him down. She knows that he wants a baby just as badly as she does and while he always tries to hide his feelings of disappointment, she knows they're there.

She just really wants to have a baby with him and she can't stand all of this waiting.

"Juice!" Mya squeals as she stands on her tip toes and grabs her sippy cup from the table.

"You thirsty, Mya?" Andy asks with a smile as she attempts to shake all of these negative thoughts from her mind.

"Juice!" She repeats as she makes her way towards Andy and presents her with the empty sippy cup.

"Okay, let's get you some juice and go drop you off at Mommy's okay?" She asks the little girl as Mya hands her the sippy cup.

"Mommy!" Mya exclaims with a big grin on her face.

And yeah, Andy really is trying to shake those thoughts from her head, but she can't help but wonder how long it will take before someone is calling _her_ mommy.

========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS========

"I'm only two days late… I probably shouldn't even take a test," Andy stammers as she and Sam are sitting on the edge of their bed together. While she's usually very regular, it's not completely unheard of for her to be a day or two late, especially when she's stressed and all of this not-being-pregnant is seriously stressing her out. The thing is, she really can't deal with more disappointment right now.

"You said you were feeling a little nauseous this morning," he reminds her.

"I know, but that could be anything," she rationalizes.

"And your breasts have been sore," he adds.

"That could just be PMS," she maintains.

"Maybe… but that doesn't usually happen to you," he reasons.

"Yeah… yeah, you're right," she agrees with a nod.

"I know you've been disappointed these past few months and if you don't want to take it, I won't push, but… I mean… you know that whatever it says, I love you… and if you're not pregnant, we'll just keep trying," he tells her as he runs a soothing hand up and down her back.

"I know," she replies. "It's just that… I kind of thought I'd be pregnant by now… I mean, what if there's something wrong with me? What if I can't get pregnant?" She asks as she nervously fidgets with her hands.

"Andy, it's only been a few months… it's completely normal for it to take a little while," he assures her.

"I know, it's just… _frustrating_. I mean, Marlo got pregnant without even trying and I've been trying _really_ hard," she tells him. "Seriously, what if there's something wrong with me?" She asks again.

"I'm _sure_ there's nothing wrong with you," he replies.

"But there could be," she argues.

"Andy, I'm sure there's nothing wrong, but _if_ there was, we'd figure it out together," he promises.

"Yeah, okay," she says with a nod before she rests her head on Sam's shoulder before he leans in and kisses the top of her head. They continue to sit there in silence for another minute or so before Andy takes a deep breath and sits up straight. "Okay, I guess I should go pee on a stick," she declares before she stands up.

"Hey," Sam says as he grabs her hand and pulls her back towards him. He quickly stands up and wraps both his arms around her. "I love you," he tells her as he rests his forehead against hers.

"I love you, too," she replies before leaning in for a kiss. When they eventually pull away, she steps into the bathroom and closes the door while Sam sits back on the bed, waiting for her.

A minute later, he hears the toilet flush and the sink start to run. Then, she walks out with the pregnancy test in hand. She sits next to Sam on the bed and he wraps and arm around her while they silently wait for the results.

"Um… wow," Andy stammers a few minutes later. She's in a complete state of disbelief as she stares down at the positive pregnancy test in her hand. It's just that she's basically conditioned herself to expect disappointment and now… well, it really doesn't feel real. This is all she's wanted for the past four months and now… after all of this time, she finally has it and it's just so surreal.

"You're pregnant?" Sam asks, in his own state of disbelief as he peers over her shoulder to confirm his suspicions.

"Uhuh," she nods before placing the pregnancy test on her nightstand and turning to face her husband. And the moment she sees his expression, the way his face has just lit up, she can't help but chuckle. "I'm pregnant," she confirms as a smile appears on her lips.

"You're pregnant," he repeats with a silly grin on his face, before he pulls her in for a kiss. When he eventually pulls away, he looks down at her stomach, sneaks his hand under her shirt and places it right under her belly button. "I can't believe we're really having a baby," he coos as he glances back up at his wife.

"I know," she smiles. "I love you so much," she gushes as she runs her fingers through his hair.

"I love you, too," he tells her as he cups her jaw and looks lovingly into her eyes before he leans in for a kiss.

========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS========

Ever since he found out about the baby, he's been acting differently- he's more protective over her, he worries a lot more and he's definitely had this need to take care of her in every possible way imaginable. However, now that she's actually starting to show- it's on a whole new level. Suddenly, he is obsessively reading baby books and driving like an 80 year old grandma whenever she's in the passenger seat. And he refuses to drink even a sip of beer, no matter how many times she tells him that she doesn't mind. He also gives her a ridiculous amount of foot rubs… even when she insists her feet aren't sore. He chastises her whenever he catches her cooking, cleaning or doing any kind of chore and then he immediately proceeds to take over and refuse to let her help. And he gets insanely tense whenever she's within a ten foot radius of a criminal- even when they are cuffed.

Yeah, he's getting to be a little ridiculous, but seriously, every time they are on their way to work and there's a line of twenty cars behind them, angrily honking at him to speed up, it just makes her melt inside. Every time she walks out of the bathroom to find him lying in bed reading a baby book, her heart skips a beat. Each and every night, when he insists on giving her a very extensive foot rub, she can't help but marvel at the unbelievable man she married.

She honestly feels like she loves him even more now that she's pregnant. Even though it sometimes drives her crazy, she's seriously in awe of the way he just wants to protect and take care of her like no one else ever has. And the way he's been looking at her lately, it's like he's in awe of her, too. And then there's the way he's constantly got his hands all over her stomach. Every morning, when she wakes up with his arm wrapped around her and his hand caressing her belly, she can't help but swoon. And every time he talks about baby stuff – whether he's just debating what color to paint the nursey or making plans to take a Lamaze class or discussing how much time he should take off after the baby is born, she just gets all warm inside. She just seriously loves this man more than anything in the world and she can't wait to have his baby.

========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS========

It's been a few hours since they found out and she hasn't stopped smiling since. The second she was told that they were having a boy, she was beyond ecstatic. Of course, she would have been thrilled with a girl too, but she has been secretly hoping for a boy ever since the stick turned pink. She desperately wants a little boy that looks just like her husband running around their house in a few years. Also, she kind of loves the idea that it would be a first for both of them- her first baby and his first son.

And the grin on Sam's face when the doctor gave them the news- she knew he was just as excited as she was.

Yeah, she can already picture that little boy. The dark hair and dark eyes. The dimples. The tiny little frown on his face when he's being grouchy. And he'll be just as unbelievably sweet as his Dad. She just knows that their son will be exactly like him and she can't wait.

There truly isn't anything she wants more than to be the mother of Sam's child and now that she is finally getting that… it honestly makes her feel giddy inside.

She's spent a lot of time being envious of Marlo for having that honor. Despite the fact that they are good friends now and she really is happy with how everything turned out, there have still been a lot of moments when it was hard to fight the jealousy. The fact that Marlo will always have a piece of Sam with her, that they will always be connected, no matter what… She wants that. And now she is finally going to have it and it's the best feeling in the world.

And somehow, the fact that she will be the mother to a little boy who looks just like him- it makes it even better.

"We're having a boy," she says with disbelief as the two of them are lying in bed that night.

"I know," he says with a grin while he runs his hand over her growing baby bump.

"You happy?" She asks, turning to face him.

"So happy," he smiles. "You?" He asks.

"Yeah," she confirms with a smile. "I secretly wanted a boy," she admits.

"Oh yeah?" He asks. He's pretty surprised considering the fact that she never mentioned that to him before. Truth be told, he was overjoyed when he found out he was having a son. Yes, he definitely wants a mini McNally someday soon, but when the doctor told them that they were having a boy, he couldn't wipe the grin off his face if he tried.

"Yeah… and I really hope he's exactly like you," she declares. And his heart swells at her words and he just can't help but smile. It's probably one of the most wonderful things she's ever said to him. The fact that she wants their son to be just like him- he can't even begin to describe what that means to him.

He cups her jaw and gently swipes his thumb along her jaw before leaning in for a soft kiss. When he pulls away, he meets her eyes as his lips start to turn upward. "Hopefully more well-behaved than I was," he laughs.

"Yeah, I wouldn't count on that," she tells him with a chuckle.

"Yeah, you're probably right… especially considering how much of a handful his mother is," he teases as he returns to tracing circles around her stomach.

"Exactly," she replies with a laugh.

========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS========

"I wish he would just come out," Andy whines as Sam runs his fingers through her hair. They've already been at the hospital for over twelve hours and the doctor just told them there is still quite a ways to go.

"I know," Sam empathizes. He absolutely despises seeing her in pain like this. He can't remember the last time he felt so helpless and he's seriously not a fan.

"I thought of a middle name," she informs him seconds later, effectively pulling him from his thoughts.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"You gonna tell me?" He asks with a laugh.

"Jeremy," she relays as she tilts her head to meet his eyes. "You like it?" She asks when he doesn't say anything.

"Andy, it's… it's perfect," he tells her as he looks down at his wife, completely in awe of her.

"I thought you would like it," she says with a smile.

"I love it," he assures her.

"I didn't even know that was Jerry's real name until… until the funeral," she says with some hesitance. "But I think he'd be thrilled, don't you think?" she questions.

"Yeah, he would," Sam concurs as he pushes some hair out of her face. "I love you," Sam tells her, before giving her a kiss on her forehead.

"I… oh shit," she says as she starts to tense up. "Another contraction," she tells him as she grabs for his hand and starts to squeeze.

========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS========

"You guys are here early," Andy says with a smile when Marlo and Mya come walking into her hospital room.

"Well, I made the mistake of telling her last night that when she woke up this morning, she'd have a baby brother. So _someone_ was up at 5AM begging me to go meet him," Marlo laughs as three year old Mya comes barreling into the room.

Andy and Sam watch, amused, as Mya stands on her tip toes to try to see the baby, while Marlo takes a few steps closer.

"Oh my God," Marlo exclaims the second she looks at the baby in Andy's arms.

"What Mommy?" Mya questions as she climbs on the hospital bed to get a good look.

"Nothing, sweetheart… he just… he looks _just_ like your Daddy," Marlo tells her daughter before sharing a look with Andy and then Sam.

"Doesn't he?" Andy swoons before glancing down at the baby in her arms and then tilting her head up to share a smile with her husband. Then, she turns her attention to Mya who is scooting closer to them so she can get a better look at her baby brother.

"He's cute," Mya declares, earning some laughs from the adults.

"That's because he's a Swarek," Andy informs her with a smile. "That's also why _you're_ so cute," Andy adds as she gently pokes at Mya's leg, causing her to giggle.

Mya reaches out to touch the baby's arm and gently runs her fingers down until she reaches his tiny hand. "He's… he's so… _tiny_ ," she remarks.

"I remember when you were that tiny," Sam tells his daughter.

"Really?" Mya asks, wide-eyed.

"You couldn't even wrap your whole hand around my finger," he tells her with a smile.

"Now I can!" Mya declares proudly as she takes Sam's thumb and wraps her fingers around it.

"Yes, you can," Sam agrees with a laugh. A moment later, Mya realizes Sam's thumb and refocuses her attention on her baby brother.

"Are you excited that you're finally a big sister, Mya?" Andy asks after a few seconds. For the past three months, every single time she saw Andy, she would ask when her baby brother was coming. How excited she was- it made Andy's heart melt.

"Mhm," she nods, still mesmerized with the baby in front of her. That's when Sam slides down the bed to get closer to his daughter. He then pushes some hair behind her ear while watching her inspect every inch of her baby brother.

"You know, when I was growing up, my favorite person in the whole world was my big sister," he tells Mya, causing her to look up at him. "She always took really good care of me and we always had so much fun together when we were little," he adds.

"Daddy, I gonna be the _best_ sister…. Promise," she tells him, eagerly.

"I know you are, sweetheart," he says with a loving smile as he pulls her into his side and kisses her temple. "He's really lucky to have you for a big sister," he adds.

"We're gonna be best friends," she declares a moment later, making all three of the adults in the room swoon. "When does he come home with me?" She asks, changing the subject a moment later.

The adults share a look between them before Marlo clears her throat. "Honey, the baby is going to go home with Andy and your Dad," she explains.

"But… but… I want him to go home with _me_ ," she pouts. "I'll share my room, Mommy," she promises.

"That's really nice of you, sweetheart, but babies need to be with their parents… you'll get to see him when you stay at Daddy's and we'll come visit him, too," she assures her.

" _Fine_ ," she says, dramatically, as she crosses her arms while a frown briefly appears on her face. The adults exchange amused smiles with each other while Mya continues to study the baby in Andy's arms. "What's his name?" She wonders, apparently already over her anger from moments ago.

"Noah," Andy informs her with a smile.

"No-wah." Mya repeats as she carefully pronounces the word.

"Right," Andy replies, causing Mya to smile.

"Mommy, time for presents?" Mya asks her mother, again ready to change the subject.

"Sure, sweetheart," Marlo agrees with an amused laugh as she picks up the gift bag she put down on the floor earlier. "This is from Mya," she says as she puts the bag down between Andy, Sam and Mya.

"Mya, I think you're going to have to help Noah open it," Andy tells her.

"Okay!" Mya says, excitedly. She immediately digs through the bag, discards the tissue paper and pulls out a baby onesie. "I picked it," she explains as she holds the onesie out for Andy to see.

Andy immediately grins as she reads the words on the onesie. "Noah is going to love this," Andy assures her. "Show Daddy, he's going to love it too," she instructs Mya.

Mya shoots Sam a big smile as she shows him the light blue onesie with the words, "Handsome like Daddy," scribbled across it.

As Sam reads the words, a smile creeps across his face. "Thank you, sweetheart, I love it," he tells Mya as he quickly pulls her into his side and gives her a kiss on her temple while Andy watches on. She can't help but laugh a little under her breath at the whole thing. Mya has always been a Daddy's girl and Andy is fairly certain that she knows exactly what it does to Sam when she is sweet like this. At three years old, she already knows exactly how to work those eyelashes and those dimples to get her father to do what she wants. She's always been an expert at buttering him up and it's seriously entertaining to watch.

Suddenly, Mya is digging in the big gift bag again and pulls out a stuffed elephant toy. It's the exact same kind that she has except it's blue instead of pink. "Now we match!" she exclaims.

"Oh it's perfect, Mya. I'm sure he's going to love it," Andy says with a smile.

"It's… it's _really_ soft... and… and it helps you sleep," she explains, excitedly. "I _always_ sleep with mine," she tells them, as if they don't already know. There's been more than one occasion where they've had to drive to Marlo's at nine o'clock at night because Mya forget her stuffed elephant and can't sleep without it.

"I bet Noah will sleep with his, too," Andy tells her.

"Can I hold him?" Mya wonders as her attention shifts.

"Sure, sweetheart," Andy agrees before Sam rearranges Mya so she's sitting cross-legged against his side with his arm wrapped around her. Then, he helps her hold out her arms and instructs her how to hold the baby properly while Andy places him in Mya's grasp. "Good job," she praises as she leans back against the bed and admires the image in front of her- Sam with his arm still wrapped around Mya as he lovingly looks down at his two kids.

As Andy continues to watch on, she can't help but get emotional. Her life definitely didn't turn out the way she imagined, but she is truly beyond happy that this is the family she ended up with.

========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS========

Well?

Let me know your thoughts!


	14. Insecurity (K Plus)

Happy New Year everyone!

I haven't updated this story in a while, so I went through my computer trying to find a new chapter and I found this. It's another short one and it's not really my best, but hopefully you enjoy it. Basically, it's an AU that is kind of a similar scenario to the second half of "Expecting" where Andy is pregnant, but she and Sam are not married nor engaged. This is post season five where Sam and Andy are back together and Sam is Detective, but in my story, Marlo is not pregnant. Oh and Jo just recently returned to 15… And that's all you need to know

Anyway, now that you're all caught up… enjoy!

===========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS===========

"Sam and Jo seem to be getting along," Andy muses as she watches the two of them walk down the hall, side by side, seemingly deep in discussion about something. It was just a couple weeks ago when Jo got transferred back to 15 and yeah, Andy wasn't too thrilled, especially considering that she would be working with Sam each and every day. It's not that Andy doesn't trust Sam- she does. It's just… _Jo_. Whenever Andy sees them together, she just gets this sick feeling in her stomach that she can't get rid of. And it really doesn't help that she's six months pregnant and hormonal and not feeling so beautiful lately.

"You _cannot_ be serious," Traci groans as she rolls her eyes at her best friend.

"What?" Andy asks, turning to face her.

"You don't _actually_ think there's something going on between them, do you?" She asks, incredulously.

"I didn't say that!" Andy disputes.

"Andy, that man loves you more than life itself. You _know_ that," Traci tells her. "He's _not_ Luke," she adds.

"I know!" Andy asserts.

" _So_ …" Traci says, expectantly.

"God, I don't know," Andy declares with a large sigh. "Every time I see them together, I just… I feel like I can't breathe and I get this panicked feeling and my mind just races with all these thoughts… I can't help it," she insists. "I trust him, but… but I also trusted Luke… I know Sam wouldn't cheat, but who knows, maybe he'll start having feelings for her… maybe he'll decide he'd rather be with her," Andy says, unable to look her friend in the eye as she nibbles on her bottom lip.

"That is _insane_ ," Traci assures her. "Do you not see the way he looks at you? Do you not see how happy he is? Andy, he loves you and he is going to _keep_ loving you," Traci continues. " _Nothing_ is happening between him and Jo and nothing is going to happen," she adds.

Andy nods her head, really trying to believe Traci's words, but she's having difficulty completely convincing herself. It's just… with all of the hormones swirling around in her head, she can't keep all these thoughts out. And the fact that she's getting bigger each and every day is really not helping things. She feels more insecure than she's ever been and with Jo waltzing around her boyfriend with those blue eyes and perfect body, she can't help but feel anxious.

"Just talk to him about it," Traci suggests.

"What? I can't do that!" Andy argues.

"Why not?" Traci wonders.

" _Because_ then I'll be the crazy, jealous, insecure, girlfriend and that's the last person I want to be," Andy reasons.

"Seems like you're _already_ that person," Traci contends.

"Yeah, but Sam doesn't know that," Andy reminds her.

Traci rolls her eyes. "Andy, you can't just go on like this… you'll drive yourself insane," Traci tells her.

"It's fine… it's not a big deal," Andy responds with a dismissive wave of her head.

Traci rolls her eyes at her best friend and ultimately decides that's she'll have to take it upon herself to fix this.

===========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS===========

"Hey, you have a second?" Traci asks as she walks into the D's office, where Sam is sitting alone at his desk.

"Yeah, what's up?" Sam asks as he swivels in his chair to face her.

"It's about Andy," she clarifies.

"Something wrong?" He asks as concern flashes through his eyes before he turns his head to scan the barn, obviously looking for Andy.

"No… well _yes_ , but don't worry," she assures him, as she gets his attention again. "She's kind of freaking out about Jo," she continues.

" _What_?" Sam asks as he furrows his brow. This is not at all where he thought this conversation was going. "What do you mean she's freaking out about Jo?" He questions.

"Well, you know, she's… _hormonal_ and well… you guys have been spending a _lot_ of time together and she sees the two of you walking around here laughing and obviously becoming friends and with everything that happened with Callahan…. she's worried that you guys are getting closer and maybe feelings will develop… maybe you'll decide that you'd rather be with Jo," Traci explains.

" _What_?" Sam repeats. "She does _not_ think that," Sam states, in complete disbelief.

"She already had one guy pick Jo over her, can you really blame her for being a _little_ worried?" Traci asks. "And with all of those hormones whirling around in there…" Traci adds as she twirls her finger around in the air.

"God, she is insane," Sam says as he rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"She knows," Traci says with a small laugh.

"How could she _actually_ think something like that?" Sam asks.

"Well, you know how she gets when she starts to overanalyze something," Traci reasons. "And seriously, pregnancy hormones are no joke… they do things to you," she warns.

"Yeah," Sam replies with a nod.

"So you'll talk to her?" Traci asks.

"Yeah, I will," Sam agrees.

"Okay good," Traci says with a smile.

"Hey, and thanks for telling me," he adds.

"Well, someone had to," Traci responds before she and Sam exchange a quick smile and she heads out the door.

===========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS===========

"Hey, you know how much I love you?" Sam asks as he wraps his arms around Andy's waist from behind and places a couple kisses down her neck.

"How much?" She asks as a smile plays on her lips.

"A completely ridiculous amount," he replies before he turns her body around to face him.

Her smile widens as her arms slip around his neck. As he pushes a lock of hair behind her ear, she is just looking up at him, completely beaming.

"Seriously… I love you more than I could _ever_ love anyone else… I hope you know that," he tells her as he looks deep into her eyes.

"I know," she assures him.

"Yeah? You sure?" He asks. "I just… I don't ever want you to doubt how much you mean to me… You really are everything to me, you know," he continues. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me… you… you're the love of my life," he adds with a smile.

She's completely grinning at him now and is about to lean in for a kiss when she stops very suddenly as the smile instantly disappears from her face. "Oh my God. Traci talked to you, didn't she?" She asks.

"She may have said something," Sam confesses.

"I can't believe she did that!" Andy exclaims as she wriggles out of his grasp.

"Hey," he says as he gets his arms back around her. She doesn't fight him, but she won't look up at him, either. "Hey," he says again as he lifts her chin with his finger so she'll meet his gaze. "I'm _glad_ she told me… I wish _you_ would have," he tells her.

"Sam, it's not a big deal," she maintains.

"I didn't say it was a big deal, Andy, but I still wish you would've told me… we need to talk to each other about this kind of stuff," he reminds her.

"I know… I just didn't want you to think I was crazy," she shrugs.

"McNally, pretty sure that ship has sailed," he teases with a big smirk on his face.

She playfully shoves at his chest and they both let out a laugh.

"Seriously though… next time, just talk to me, okay?" He requests.

"Okay," she agrees. "I'm sorry, I just… I _knew_ I was being ridiculous… it's just that I kept having these flashbacks to when I would see Jo and Luke walking around the station together laughing with each other and back then, I was always telling myself that nothing was going on and well, we all know how that turned out, so… I mean, I know you wouldn't cheat, but… what's stopping you from falling in love with someone else and deciding you'd rather be with her?" She tries to explain. "I mean, I know we live together and we're having a baby, but it's not like we're married or anything, so…. yeah… you could change your mind about us whenever you want…" she drifts off.

"You wanna get married?" He asks in a fairly casual manner.

"Um… what?" She asks. Yeah, that's not at all what she was expecting to come out his mouth.

"Do you want to get married?" He repeats, a bit slower, with an amused smile playing on his lips.

"Uh… I mean… someday," she replies with a shrug.

"Well, I _do_ have a ring, so… do you think someday could be soon?" He asks, still with a slightly teasing tone.

"Um… a ring? _Really_?" She asks with wide eyes. It's true she's been secretly hoping that he would propose to her, but she wasn't sure if he was as ready for marriage as she was.

"Yep," he nods with a grin.

"Well, you know you kind of spoiled the surprise now," she jokes.

"Yeah, but you hate surprises," he reminds her with a smirk.

She lets out a laugh and looks at him, lovingly. "You're right, I do," she agrees. "So uh… when are you gonna ask me?" She wonders.

"Probably someday," he quips, quoting her earlier words.

"And when will that be?" She persists.

"I don't know, you tell me," he responds.

"I think it's probably soon," she tells him, still unable to shake the feeling of utter shock mixed with complete giddiness.

"Hm… I could probably make that happen," he responds with a smile before he leans in and kisses her.

"Are you gonna get down on one knee when you ask me?" She wonders, after they pull away.

"Pretty sure that's how it's supposed to be done," he laughs, causing her smile to widen.

"You really want to marry me?" She asks, tilting her head slightly to the side.

"I really do," he confirms with a nod, before leaning in for another quick kiss. "I love you," he tells her once his lips leaves her. "Even when you're being a little nuts," he adds with a teasing grin.

She laughs as she playfully hits him on the chest. "Well, thank God for that," she quips.

He smiles at her and pushes some hair out of her eyes. "Seriously… I love you," he repeats. "Always will."

"Me too… Always," she confirms.

===========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS===========

Like I said, it's not the best thing I've ever written, but I hope it was somewhat enjoyable. Don't forget to review!

And seriously, does anyone have any ideas for random one shot chapters for this story? Or even random scenes… I'll honestly take anything, so if there's something you'd like to read, let me know and I'll do my best to make it work. I've posted almost all of the finished chapters I have written for this story and I'm having trouble completing the unfished ones, so I'm hoping that if I get some new ideas and start writing again, I'll be able to complete some of the unfished chapters I have. So yeah, any and all ideas you have would be appreciated! No matter how small! Even a short, one sentence prompt would be welcomed… or anything else you're willing to provide.

Anyway, I should also be posting a chapter of After this weekend and possibly the next chapter in Rewritten, but I need to make some edits, so we'll see.


	15. First Time (M)

So this is very different from anything else I've ever done. It's in a completely alternate universe where Sam and Andy are basically the same age and they lived next door to each other in high school. They became best friends and have remained best friends ever since. Sam is 22 and has his own apartment, while Andy is 21 and going to a local college.

This story was actually inspired by a conversation I had with a friend of mine a couple months back. We were discussing how/when we each lost our virginity and her story triggered this idea. When I got home, I started writing and it somehow became 17 pages… oh well…

Again, I know this is really different, but I hope you like it.

=======COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS=======

"Something on your mind?" Sam asks as the two of them are sitting on the couch, at his apartment. She's been awfully quiet ever since stepping through his door almost ten minutes ago and it's pretty strange, to say the least.

"Um… yeah, kindda," she admits, unable to hide her nerves.

"Care to share?" He probes with a teasing smile.

"Uh… well… I have a favor to ask you and… it's just… it's kind of awkward and it's probably a dumb idea and if you don't want to do it, that's fine… we can just go grab something to eat and laugh about how ridiculous I am… I just… well, I… um…" she stutters.

"Andy, just tell me," he implores, as he tries to wrack his brain for what she could possibly want to ask him.

"Well, so… uh… Luke broke up with me," she confesses.

"What? _Seriously_?" He asks.

The news is rather surprising considering that he thought things were going pretty well with them. To be honest, it seemed to be going so well that Sam pretty much despised seeing the two of them together. For the eight years that he and Andy have been best friends, she's never really had a long-term serious boyfriend, so he was usually able to keep his feelings for her under control, but once Luke entered the picture, it became harder and harder to ignore. So, he's not exactly devastated that they broke up, he's just surprised that Luke could ever let someone like her go.

"Yeah, he was getting really impatient about the whole sex thing," she explains.

"You're joking," Sam states, completely dumbfounded as he tries not to look too pleased at the news that she didn't have sex with him. If he's being honest, he's spent more time than he should've thinking about whether Andy was going to let him take her virginity, and truthfully, he's pretty relieved to find out that she didn't. He's known for years that she's never had sex, and he's also known that it's not _exactly_ by choice. It wasn't as if she was saving herself for marriage, but she also didn't want to just lose it to some random guy. She's always said that she was going to wait until she met someone worth having sex with, so when her relationship with Luke became more serious, it definitely crossed Sam's mind that she might think of him as that person.

"Nope, he was always trying to get me to sleep with him, but it just never felt right," she tells him.

"Well, he's a dick. He never should have pressured you. You're way better off without him," he assures her.

"I know… I probably would've broken it off myself if he didn't beat me to the punch," she replies.

"Okay… so what does this have to do with the favor you want to ask me?" Sam wonders.

"Um, well… after we broke up, I was trying to figure out why I didn't want to have sex with him," she begins. "I mean, in the beginning, he never pressured me and we got along really great and he was always so sweet to me, but I still didn't want to do it… and then, obviously once he started getting all whiny and impatient, I was over it… but anyway, I guess I've just always been a little bit nervous about losing my virginity. I mean… I'm 21 years old, so all of my friends have done it and I've heard all of their stories and it seems like everyone's first time is painful and awkward and the guy rarely knows what he's doing and then he pretty much disappears after he's gets what he wants, so… yeah, I really don't want my first time to be like that, you know?" She asks.

"Makes sense," he responds.

"Yeah," she nods, desperately trying to hide her nerves. "I want my first time to be with someone that I trust and who cares about me… someone who would… I don' know… be gentle, I guess… and someone who would never disappear afterwards," she explains. "But the thing is, I'm also really sick of the whole virgin thing… I mean, I'm 21 and I don't know anyone else my age who's a virgin and I'm starting to feel like I'm really missing out on something," she adds. "Plus, it also kind of complicates my dating life… so yeah, the gist of it is that I'm sick of being a virgin, but I don't want to do it with just anyone," she concludes.

"Okay…" he says, not really sure where this conversation is going.

"Uh… so look, I was thinking… you're my best friend and I know you'd never hurt me and you'd make sure I enjoy it… and I realize this is completely crazy, but I was kind of hoping that uh… my first time could be with… you," she finally admits.

"Um… what?" He asks, completely stunned.

"It's okay if you don't want to," she adds quickly. "I mean, I guess I kind of thought… well… don't all guys fantasize about sleeping with a virgin?" She wonders. "But maybe… maybe you're just not attracted to me? Maybe you don't think I'm sexy?" She thinks out loud. "And that's okay, I won't get offended if you say no," she assures him. "This was probably a bad idea," she admits as she gazes towards the floor.

That's when can't help but laugh.

"And now you're laughing at me… perfect," she groans.

"Andy, I'm sorry… it's just… it's just funny that you're seriously questioning whether I'm attracted to you… I mean, look at you," he says, gesturing towards her.

"Well, I don't know… it's not like you've ever told me," she shrugs, still embarrassed by this whole thing.

"Well… now you know," he says with a shrug.

"Okay," she says with a nod. "But um… what do you think about the other thing?" She questions.

"I… I don't know… I mean… are you _sure_?" He probes.

"Yes," she says confidently. "I've pretty much overanalyzed every aspect of the situation for days and I'm still sure," she confirms.

"You don't think it will make things weird between us?" He wonders.

"Not if we don't let it get weird… and either way, I think our friendship is strong enough to handle a little weirdness," she assures him.

"You're _really_ sure?" He confirms.

"Yes," she assures him.

"Well… then, I guess… okay," he agrees.

"Okay? You mean… okay, okay?" She asks.

"Yeah… if you're _really_ sure about this then… yeah, I'll do it," he replies.

"Okay… um… thanks," she says with an awkward smile before the room falls silent.

"Okay… so uh… when did you want to do this?" He wonders.

"I'm free now," she shrugs.

"Now? _Really_?" He says. Yeah, he did _not_ think this was happening now. And now that it might… well, it's suddenly becoming much more real.

"Yeah… I mean, unless you don't want to," she says as her nerves return in full force.

"No, uh… now is fine," he replies as he silently curses himself for making this so uncomfortable.

"Okay… so… bedroom?" She suggests.

"Uh yeah, okay… let's go," he replies as he stands up and offers her his hand. She gives him a smile, takes his hand, stands up and lets him lead her to his bedroom.

Once they cross the threshold and are both standing by his bed, it's obvious that neither one of them knows how they should go about starting this. Sam can see how nervous she is and all he wants to do is comfort her, so he gets both hands on her arms and moves his fingers up and down, in an attempt to soothe her.

"Hey, if you want to change your mind, I would never hold that against you," he assures her.

"I know you wouldn't," she tells him. "But I don't want to change my mind," she adds.

"Okay well… we can go as slow as you want, okay? And if you want to stop, just tell me and we'll stop," he promises.

"Yeah… slow is probably good," she confirms as she nibbles on her bottom lip.

"Okay," he nods.

"Can we lie down?" She asks as she gestures toward the bed.

"Of course," he replies before they both get on the bed and lie down next to each other.

A few awkward seconds go by before Andy moves closer to him, props herself up on one elbow and meets his eyes. "Hey," she says with a sheepish smile as one of her hands lands on his chest.

"Hey," he replies with a smile of his own.

"So… maybe we should just uh…" she begins before leaning down to kiss him. As she gets within reach, his hand lands on the back of her neck and he gently moves her closer until their lips meet. The kiss starts off soft and slow, as if they are simply exploring each other, but after a minute, things begin to heat up. His tongue swipes against her bottom lip and she eagerly allows him inside. And as his tongue continues to caresses hers, she can't help but let out a quiet moan. Meanwhile, both of their hands are starting to wander over each other's bodies as his sneak just under the hem of her shirt so he can feel her smooth skin, while hers are enthusiastically roaming his chest.

They continue making out like that while their hands get bolder with each moment that passes. Sam eventually maneuvers her body so she's lying on top of him before allowing one of his hands to move down her back and land on her denim-clad ass. And when he gives her a gentle squeeze, he can't help but smile at the noise that comes out of her mouth. Meanwhile it's just a few minutes later that Andy has completely removed Sam's t-shirt and tossed it on the floor behind her. And ever since, she's been letting her soft hands explore every single inch of his stomach and chest. After a few more minutes pass by, Sam begins to push Andy's top up her body in an effort to uncover her soft, tan skin. Once Andy realizes what he's doing, she immediately sits up and pulls her top over her head, exposing a black, lacy bra underneath.

And yeah, Sam's brain momentarily short-circuits from the image in front of him. The thing is, after eight years of friendship, five of which were spent as next door neighbors, he's seen her in a bra on more than one occasion, but it was almost always a sports bra and the few instances it wasn't, it was never anything like this.

"Did you wear this special for tonight?" He asks as he allows his thumb to brush against the top of the bra.

"Maybe," she says with a teasing smile. "You like it?" She asks.

"You look amazing," he assures her.

"I'm also wearing the matching underwear," she announces with a grin. "Wanna see?"

"Yes," he says with a nod and a smile.

Her grin widens as she hops out of bed and begins unbuttoning her jeans while Sam sits ups and moves to the edge of the bed so he can get a close up view. As she shimmies out of her jeans, Sam's mouth instantly becomes dry. Yeah, he's seen her in bikinis that are probably more revealing, but he doesn't think she's ever looked sexier than she does right now, especially considering the fact that she dressed this way for _him_. Yeah, it's definitely doing something to him.

"What do you think?" She asks as she does a little twirl.

"You're gorgeous," he informs her as his eyes rake over her body and he attempts to memorize every single inch of her.

"Thanks," she replies. "Now your turn," she declares.

He lets out a laugh and stands up before unbuckling his belt and removing his jeans, so he's wearing nothing but his dark grey boxer briefs. She continues to grin at him as she wraps her arms around his neck and gives him a quick kiss. Then, she lies back down on the bed and waits for him to crawl on top of her.

"You still want to do this?" He asks as he hovers over her.

"Yes," she assures him.

"If that changes… you tell me, okay?" He tells her.

"I will," she replies.

He gives her a smile and starts to kiss her again as he wraps his arms around her, while still trying not to put all of his weight on her. A few minutes later, his mouth begins to move down the smooth column of her neck. He starts out by placing a few soft kisses on her throat, but then when he starts gently sucking on her skin, it really gets her going. She's moaning and wriggling under him and he can't help but smile against her.

"Sam…" she groans as he blows a breath in her ear and then nibbles on her ear lobe. That's when he reaches around her and unhooks her bra. He lets his hands explore her back for a minute just in case she wants to stop him, but when she doesn't, he pushes the straps off her shoulders and down her arms before tossing it behind him. And once he uncovers her breasts, his fingers are suddenly itching to touch them, but he doesn't want to seem too eager so he continues to place kisses down her neck and then her shoulder and chest and finally his mouth lands on one of her breasts while his hand cups the other. When he starts to lick a trail around her nipple, she lets out a gasp while her hand lands on the back of his head. She starts to thread her fingers through his hair while he runs his tongue around her other nipple. And when he takes it in his mouth, she rewards him with some appreciative noises.

"You like that?" He asks with a smile as he pulls away and meets her eyes.

"Yes," she says with this breathy bedroom voice of hers as she nods her head.

He shoots her a grin, gives her a quick kiss on the lips and continues to shower her breasts with lots of attention. After a minute of this, her breathing picks up and she starts to writhe under him a bit. He can feel her heart racing on his lips and that's when he decides to move down her body.

As he places kisses down her stomach, he can feel her temperature rising and her skin start to flush and he's enjoying every second of it. But then as he gets closer to the top of her underwear, he can feel her start to tense.

"What are you doing?" She wonders aloud.

He lifts his head up and gives her a smile. "Isn't it obvious?" He teases.

"Oh… uh… _really_?" She asks with a surprised look on her face.

"Yeah… unless you don't want me to," he offers.

"Uh… I mean… you really want to?" She questions.

"Yes, I really want to," he assures her with a nod.

"I thought guys didn't like doing that," she shrugs.

"Maybe stupid guys," he replies. "Luke never offered?" He wonders.

"Nope," she says with a shake of her head.

"Well, like I said… he's an ass," Sam tells her.

"Yeah."

"So… you okay with this?" He asks.

"Yes," she says with a nod.

"Okay," he replies with a smile before he hooks both fingers around the straps of her underwear and pulls them down her legs. Andy quickly lifts them in the air to help him pull off her panties and then he swiftly tosses them aside before getting back in between her legs. He decides to tease her a bit by kissing the inside of her thighs several times, but eventually, he throws both legs over his shoulders and pulls her down the bed so she's just centimeters away from him.

The anticipation in the room is palpable as he opens her up and blows a warm breath on her insides, causing her to let out a surprised little squeak. He smiles and licks her all the way from the bottom to top before he swirls his tongue around her clit.

"Oh fuck," she spits out as her toes curl on his back.

He continues to lick up and down a couple times and each time, she lets out a moan as a reward.

"Feel good?" He asks as he lifts his head from between her legs.

"Yes… _so_ good," she says, not even bothering to open her eyes or lift her head.

He lets out a laugh and returns to his prior position, but this time he focuses all his attention on her clit, which really gets her going. She's quickly moaning and panting and grabbing fistfuls of the sheets as he licks circles around it. Then, when he finally takes it in his mouth and sucks she really goes crazy.

"Oh my God… fuck, _Sam_ … don't stop," she begs. So, he doesn't. He continues to suck on her clit with varying amounts of pressure, which only causes her moans to get louder and louder. He can feel how close she is, so he decides to hum a bit and that's when she finally explodes.

She starts to shudder and buck under him while he continues to gently suck on her until she finally relaxes and lets her head hit the pillow. "Holy shit," she gasps as she runs her fingers through her hair.

Sam wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and climbs up next to her before lying on his side to bask in the afterglow of her orgasm.

"You're really good at that," she tells him as her hand lands on his chest.

"Thanks," he says with a smile. "Glad you enjoyed it… but I'm hoping you have one or two more of those left in you," he says with a smirk.

"Okay, but I… I think I'm going to need a minute," she says, while still attempting to catch her breath.

"No rush," he assures her with a smile.

"You want me to…" she begins as her hand travels down his chest and lands on his cock, which is still tucked away in his boxers. She looks down at it while gently running her fingers up and down his erection.

"You don't have to," he responds

She gives him a smile and then slowly pulls him out of his boxers. She takes a second to just stare and then she wraps her hand around him and allows it to glide up and down him in a slow, languid motion, caressing, and at the same time, exploring.

He can't help but sneak a peek at her hand wrapped around his cock. He's just a little bit blown away by all of this. All the time he spent imagining and now it's finally happening… it's just completely surreal. He's known her for eight years and it's also how long he's wanted her. Even when he was seeing someone else, he always secretly hoped that someday she'd wake up and realize how good they could be together. And yeah, he knows that's not what's happening now, but even this is _something_.

"Does this feel good?" Andy asks, obviously a bit self-conscious, as she pulls him from his thoughts.

"Yeah," he says, a bit breathy. "But if you keep it up, I'm not gonna be able to do you that favor," he says with a playful tone.

"Well, we can't have that," she teases, as she squeezes him one last time and pulls her hand away.

That's when he moves to straddle her lap and hover over her. "You can still back out if you want," he reminds her.

"I'm good," she smiles.

"Okay, but we'll go slow, alright?"

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," she nods.

He slowly leans in and kisses her for a minute while his fingers graze back down her body until they reach in between her legs. She's still wet from earlier, but he wants to prepare her a little more, so he rubs her clit with his thumb, causing her to moan in his mouth. Then, he slips a finger inside her and then begins to ease it in and out.

"You okay?" He asks as he pulls away and gets a good look at her.

Her eyes are closed and she's biting her bottom lip, but when she hears his words, she opens them and gives him a smile. "Yeah," she nods.

"Okay," he replies as he starts to kiss her neck, while he tries to work another finger inside her. As he does it, she starts to tense a bit, but he tries to relax her by nibbling on her ear and it works just enough for him to get his second finger all the way in.

"Still good?" He asks.

"Uhuh," she nods, without opening her eyes this time. After a few minutes, she starts to circle her hips and grind herself against the palm of his hand, so he figures she's good to go.

"You ready?" He confirms.

She opens her eyes and looks deep into his. "Yes," she nods.

"Okay," he replies as he pulls his fingers out of her and then reaches into his nightstand for a condom. She watches intently as he rips the packet open and slides the condom on his cock. When he positions himself right in between her legs, he looks up and meets her eyes. "If you need to take a break or you want to stop all together, just let me know, okay?" He informs her.

"Yeah," she nods as she nibbles on her lip.

He smiles at her and uses one hand to cup her jaw before he leans in for a sensual kiss. "Just try to relax, okay? It makes it a little easier," he informs her.

"Okay," she replies with a nod.

He gives her another quick kiss while he uses his hand to direct his cock and starts to slowly push inside. He gets about two inches in when her face starts to contort in pain.

"You okay?" He asks as he stops moving.

"Um yeah… just hurts," she admits. Then, he immediately pulls out of her, causing her to frown. "I didn't want you to _stop_ ," she chastises.

"Here, let's just try this," he offers as he lies down on the bed and pulls her on top of him. "This way _you_ have the control, okay?" he explains.

"Okay," she agrees as she stands on her knees and hovers over him. Sam helps her out by directing his cock to where it needs to be and then she starts to sink down on him.

"Easy," he tells her when he can see she's trying to take it all at once.

"Yeah…" she says as she bites down on her lip. "I just… I think…" she stammers.

"You okay?" He asks again as his hands land on her hips, so he can stop her for a second.

"Yeah… I just think… I think I need you to distract me," she tells him.

"Okay," he agrees. His hand trails down her stomach and lands on her clit. He gently swirls his thumb around it, trying to make her feel as good as possible. "How's that?" he wonders.

"Mm…" she says as she closes her eyes and moves down about an inch. "Good," she tells him. "But uh… do you think… could you… could you talk to me, too?" She requests.

"Sure…. what do you want to talk about?" He questions.

"Um… I… I don't know… anything," She suggests as she tries to work a little bit more of him inside of her.

"Okay, uh… did you really think I wasn't attracted to you?" He wonders.

She briefly stops her descent at his words and opens her eyes to look at him, obviously surprised this is the direction he decided to go. "I don't know," she shrugs. "I guess I just didn't think I was your type," she clarifies.

"What do you mean?" He questions.

"Well, I'm not blonde," she points out.

"I don't only like blondes," he argues.

"Every single person you've dated since I've known you has been blonde," she reminds him.

He takes a moment to think and realizes that she's right. He _does_ always date blondes.

"Maybe that's just because I've never found a brunette who could compete with you," he tells her, as she starts slowly moving up and down again, taking a bit more of him each time.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes at his words. "Oh yeah, I'm _sure_ that's it," she remarks, sarcastically.

"I'm serious… you're perfect," he maintains.

"Oh yeah? What about me is so perfect?" She challenges.

He lets out a smile as his hands travel up and down her waist, attempting to soothe her. "Well… lots of things," he replies.

"Like what?" She asks. "Tell me," She demands, as she slides a little bit further down him.

"Are we talking looks or personality?" He inquires.

"Looks," she replies. "I already know you love my personality," she grins.

He chuckles at her words before allows his fingers to graze her thighs. "Okay, well… your legs," he decides. "You've got amazing legs…they're just so long and tan… and whenever you wear those really short shorts, I pretty much go crazy," he admits.

"Really?" She asks with widened eyes.

"Yeah… I've imagined them wrapped around me more than once," he confesses before he can talk himself out of it.

"Wow."

"And you've got a really great ass," he tells her as he uses both hands to squeeze it. "And I love the curve of your waist," he continues as his hands travel past her hips and sit on her waist. "And your breasts are amazing," he tells her as he cups them both.

"You don't think they're too small?" She inquires as she finally works herself all the way down him.

"No," he says with a small shake of his head. "They're really firm and they fit perfectly in my hands," he tells her as he continues to caress them.

She gives him a smile and then leans in to give him a kiss as his arms wrap around her and hold her there for a moment. When she finally pulls away, she shoots him a smirk. "Keep going… I just… I need a minute," she orders.

"Okay," he obliges after he lets out a quick laugh. His hand slowly travels up her back and lands on her neck. "You have these two little freckles right here," he tells her as he touches the spot on her neck that he's talking about. "And I don't know why, but I've pretty much wanted to get my mouth on that spot for years," he admits.

She's pretty much grinning at him by now as he gets her chin in his hand and uses a finger to touch her lips. "And your lips are always so soft and full… you have no idea how many times I've almost kissed you," he confesses. And he honestly can't believe he's telling her all of this. He never intended to give away all his trade secrets and he'll probably regret it tomorrow, but right now… she seems like she's not so opposed to hearing this kind of stuff from him.

" _Really_?" She asks, unable to hide the surprise on her face.

"Yeah," he nods.

That's when she gets a grin on her face and gives him a passionate kiss. They continue like that for a minute or two before she eventually pulls away and sits back up on him with her hands placed on his chest.

"You ready?" He asks as his hands land on her waist.

"Yeah," she confirms with a nod.

"Okay, just… move your hips… you can rock them back and forth or circle them… do whatever feels good," he instructs as he gets both hands on her ass so he can move her around a bit and show her what he means. It takes her a second, but she eventually figures out what to do and starts to move her hips.

"Oh," she moans as she apparently gets hit in the right spot. She continues to rock her hips back and forth, occasionally switching it up and circling them for the next few minutes as Sam's hands explore every inch of her body while relishing the looks of pure pleasure on her face. Soon, her breathing picks up and she's moaning more consistently as she really starts to get into it.

"Feels good, right?" He asks with a smile.

"Yeah, it does," she nods as she starts to go a little bit faster.

"You think you could come again like this?" He wonders.

"Probably," she replies without opening her eyes.

"Want some help?" He questions as his fingers trail down her body.

That's when she opens her eyes and meets his. "Um… okay," she agrees. So, he moves down her stomach, allows his thumb to land on her clit and adds some pressure. "Oh God," she moans right away.

"You like that?" He grins.

"Yes," she gasps as he rubs circles on her clit. "Keep doing that," she begs.

"Okay," he says with a chuckle.

"Feels really good," she groans as her hips begin to move faster while her eyes squeeze shut and her lip is in between her teeth again. "Oh God Sam, you're gonna make me come," she tells him.

"Do it," he encourages her.

"Oh fuck," she moans as her hips pick up speed, while Sam uses his free hand to massage her breast. It's only a minute later that she's bucking and shuddering against him. And then, suddenly, she collapses on top of him, completely out of breath. "Wow," she says in between breaths.

"Good?" He says with a smug smile.

"Uhuh," she nods as she tucks her head in his neck and starts to place a few kisses down his throat. He slowly runs his hands up and down her back, trying to calm her down and help her heartrate return to normal, before she eventually lifts her head and meets his eyes. "You haven't come yet," she observes.

"I know," he says with a laugh.

"Is it not good for you?" She wonders with a furrowed brow.

"It's really good for me," he assures her with a comforting smile as he runs his fingers through her hair. "I just wanted to make sure it was good for you," he explains.

"Well, you did," she smiles. "Now I want it to be good for you," she adds. "What do you want me to do?" She asks.

"You sure you can keep going? It's okay if you can't," he tells her.

"I'm good…. just tell me what you want," she urges.

He immediately pulls her down for a kiss and as their lips touch, he swiftly flips them over, so he's on top. "This okay?" He asks.

"Yeah," she nods.

"Just tell me if I'm hurting you," he tells her.

"Sam, I know… just… move," she instructs as she starts to get impatient.

He lets out a laugh and gets himself closer to her so he can kiss her. As soon as he slips his tongue in her mouth, he pulls himself out of her and then thrusts inside, causing her to let out a small gasp. "You okay?" he asks as he pulls away to check on her.

"Yeah… it felt good… keep going," she urges him.

He smiles and goes in and out again and again and again until he soon has her moaning and writhing under him once again. That's when he leans in and starts to suck on her neck and nibble on her ear and as her body really starts to react, he ups the tempo.

"Oh God," she moans as her legs tighten their grip on his waist and she arches her back.

He's pretty much in shock, but he has the feeling that he might be able to get her there again, so his fingers slide down her body until they land on her clit and he begins to gently circle it, adding the perfect amount of pressure.

"Sam… don't stop," she moans as she shuts her eyes and digs her fingers into his back.

He briefly smiles against her skin before refocusing on her neck and it only takes another minute or so before she's inches away from coming. He lifts his mouth from her skin and pulls back to watch what's about to happen, not wanting to miss a second. He admires her flushed skin, her perfect white teeth biting hard into her lip and her labored breath hitting his collarbone. Moments later, he adds the slightest bit of additional pressure on her clit and is rewarded with the sexiest noise he's ever heard. She immediately begins shaking uncontrollably while he continues to rub her clit, effectively extending her ecstasy. He's only able to hold out a few seconds more before he's matching her orgasm, wave for wave.

Moments later, they're still panting together while their hearts continue to race. Andy lies back against the pillow with her eyes still closed as she attempts to catch her breath. Sam pushes some hair out of her face and watches as a small smile crosses her lips. She slowly opens her eyes and looks up at him and he almost loses his breath at how absolutely perfect she looks in this moment.

Eventually, he's forced to tear his eyes away from her when he feels himself start to soften. He slowly eases out of her, removes the condom, ties the end and tosses it in the trashcan a few feet away. When he finally looks back at her, she's still watching him with this inexplicable expression on her face.

"You okay?" He asks as he settles himself on the bed beside her, careful not to touch her. For some reason, he's not sure if he's allowed to anymore.

"Yes," she says with a smile. "That was… um… that was…" she begins, obviously struggling to find the appropriate words.

"Like you imagined?" He wonders.

"No," she says with a slight shake of her head. " _Way_ better," she assures him. "Is it always like that?" She inquires.

"Mm… not _always_ ," he responds. "It depends on who you're doing it with, I guess," he adds.

"Well, I definitely made the right choice doing this with you," she tells him.

That gets a big smile out of him, and all he wants to do is reach out and gather her in his arms, but he stops himself.

"Was it… I mean… was it good for you?" She asks, hesitantly.

He lets out a soft chuckle and nods his head. "Really good," he promises.

"Yeah?" She asks as her face lights up for a moment. "You aren't just saying that, are you? You know… to make me feel better?" She asks.

"Since when have I ever lied to you?" He questions.

"Yeah… okay," she concedes with a smile. "And I'm sure I'll get even better with practice," she adds, happily.

And yeah, that… sucks. Suddenly, Sam is no longer able to hide in this illusion of his- the one where she's finally his, the one where he finally has the woman he's wanted for the past eight years. Suddenly, his brain is filled with images of her "practicing" with other guys and he just has to get away.

"Yeah, I'm sure you will," Sam offers with almost no emotion. Then, he quickly gets out of bed and begins to gather his clothes while Andy looks on, completely confused by the tension that's suddenly entered the room.

"Sam… what… is something wrong?" She asks with a furrowed brow as she remains in bed.

"No," he tells her with a slight shake of his head as he slips his boxers on. God, why did he have to go and do something so stupid? Sleeping with Andy… how did he ever think that would be a good idea? He was obviously just thinking with his dick instead of his brain. He's clearly never going to have her in the way he wants, but at least before he had her as a friend. How are they ever going to be friends now that they've slept together? God, he's such an idiot.

He's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't even notice her get out of bed, slip on one of his t-shirts and walk towards him.

"Sam… you're obviously upset… _talk_ to me," she pleads as she puts her hands on his shoulders.

And before he can stop himself, he makes the mistake of meeting her eyes. _Those eyes_. He doesn't know how she does it, but she somehow makes him want to tell her everything with one simple look. It's how she's gotten to know him so well. With anyone else, he's a closed book, but with her… she knows everything. She knows every sorted detail of his life, every one of his secrets… it's honestly a miracle he's been able to keep this one for so long.

"I'm… I'm just realizing that it's going to be hard to be friends after this," he admits.

"What? _Why_?" She asks, as she yanks her hands away from his shoulders as if she's been burned. She's apparently very taken back by his words. She just looks confused and hurt and he truly hates it, but what is he supposed to do? _She's_ the one that started all of this. How did she ever think it'd be a good idea?

"Because I… because…" he begins before he closes his eyes, bows his head slightly and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Sam… _please_ … please just talk to me," she begs.

"Because I… I won't be able to pretend anymore," he admits.

"What?" She asks, completely confused. "Pretend about what?"

He blows out a shaky breath as he tries to determine the exact right words. "I won't be able to pretend that my feelings don't exist… or that I'm okay with just being your friend… or that I'm happy for you when you meet someone else… I wish I could, but I just know I won't," he explains.

"What?" She says again. "I… I don't understand."

He stares down at his shoes as he lets out a deep sigh before gathering the courage to meet her eyes. "Andy, I've been… I've been trying not be in love with you for the past eight years… and… and now… now… I don't think there's anything I can do not to be," he confesses. And yeah, now that it's out there, he just can't stop. "I'm just… I'm not going to be able to sit back and watch you be with someone else… it was hard enough with Luke, but now? …I just… I can't," he admits, slightly out of breath from his confession.

"Sam… why… why didn't you ever tell me?" She asks, softly.

He shrugs his shoulders and runs his fingers through his hair before letting out a breath. "Because you're the most important person in my life and I just… I needed you in it, even if it wasn't in the way I wanted," he admits. "I didn't want to lose you as a friend… I still don't… I just don't know how I'm going to do this… I'm sorry, I should've just said no when you asked me… I don't know what I was thinking," he says, silently shaking his head at himself. "I guess… maybe… maybe I was hoping that… I don't know… maybe I was hoping you'd finally start seeing me in that light," he acknowledges.

There's a substantial amount of tension in the room and it feels like forever that she just stands there, in shock, not saying anything. But then, out of nowhere, she shoves at his bare chest. "God, you're such an idiot," she exclaims, angrily.

He briefly stumbles back, utterly taken back by her actions.

"You really think I would ask you to take my virginity if I only thought of you as a friend?" She asks him, suddenly raising her voice in frustration.

"What?" He asks with widened eyes and look of pure shock of his face.

"Sam, do you know how much time I spent hoping you'd make a move?" She asks. "Practically our entire friendship!" She shouts. "I did everything I could think of to make you want me… I tried being flirty, I tried being more fun, I tried being more mature… when you told me you liked the smell of my perfume one day, I literally wore it every single day for two and a half years… I spent four summers living in nothing but a bikini, hoping that you'd finally see me as… I don't know… hot," she divulges. "I even tried flirting with other guys, hoping that maybe you'd get jealous and _do_ something… but you never did… you just kept dating blonde after blonde… so eventually, I forced myself to admit that it was just never going to happen with us," she tells him.

"Are you serious?" He asks as his eyes get even wider. "You… you really… you really wanted…"

"You?" She interrupts. "Yeah," she nods before she takes a deep breath and prepares herself for another confession. "Sam, you've always been the guy that I compare all of the others to… and they just… they never stacked up… since day one, you were always my first choice," she tells him. And the next few seconds seem like an eternity as he stays silent and just simply stares at her, obviously unsure what to say.

"What about now?" He asks, carefully.

"What?" She replies, as a confused expression overwhelms her face.

"Do you still… I mean… do you still want… do you still want something to happen with us?" He questions, unable to hide the nerves coursing through his veins.

"Sam…" she begins. "Just because I had given up on the idea doesn't mean I didn't still want it… of course I still want it," she confesses.

"Really?" He probes. "That's really what you want… for you and me to be together? For real?" He clarifies.

" _Yes_ ," she says, confidently, as she nods her head and slowly inches towards him. "Is that what _you_ want?" She wonders.

"It's pretty much all I want," he replies before he takes her in his arms and kisses her, allowing them both to get completely lost in each other for the next couple minutes. As their tongues continue to dance, Sam lifts her up while she wraps her legs around his waist and allows him to carry her to the bed. When he gently places her down on the mattress and crawls on top of her, he takes a moment to just look into her beautiful brown eyes after brushing his nose against hers. "You sure?" He asks, just once more.

"Yeah," she confirms with a nod. "Sam, I… I've spent the past eight years being in love with you, too," she confesses as she runs her fingers through his hair.

"All this time… we could've been together," he muses, seemingly frustrated with himself for not making that happen.

"We're together now," she reminds him as her fingers lightly graze his spine.

"Yeah…" he agrees as his expression turns into an affectionate smile before he leans closer and places a few chaste kisses on her lips. "So… is this what tonight was about?" He wonders. "Getting here?" He clarifies as he gestures between the two of them.

"No," she answers with a slight shake of her head. "Everything I said earlier was true… I asked you to do that because I trust you and you're my best friend and I… I was sick of being a virgin… but I guess I'd be lying if I said there wasn't also a part of me that wanted to know what it was like… you know… being with you… and also a small part that thought maybe… maybe you'd see me differently afterwards," she admits. "I guess I hadn't _completely_ given up on the idea of us, yet," she adds.

"I just can't believe we're actually doing this," he declares.

"I know… it doesn't feel real," she concurs with a nod.

"You know, I've wanted this for so long… I honestly can't remember a time where I didn't want you," he tells her as he runs his fingers through her hair.

"Me either," she replies with an adoring smile before leaning in for a kiss. Several seconds later, she reluctantly pulls away and opens her eyes to find his dark brown eyes already on her. "I'm really glad you were my first," she says.

"Me too," he agrees, completely beaming at her.

"Whenever I used to imagine what it might be like… I always imagined it'd be with you," she admits.

"Oh yeah?" he asks with a grin.

"Yeah," she nods.

"Did it live up to the fantasy?" He questions.

"It was a million times better than anything I could have ever dreamt up," she assures him with a big smile. "Even though I knew you'd make sure I enjoyed it… with the way my friends always described their first times, I really wasn't expecting too much… but it was… it was unbelievable," she adds. "I kind of think we should do it again," she says with a mischievous grin as she tightens her grip on his waist with her legs.

"Oh yeah?" He asks with raised eyebrows. "You aren't sore or anything?" He ensures.

"A little bit," she admits. "But I can soldier through," she adds with a teasing smile.

"Maybe we should wait," he offers.

" _Sam_ , c'mon" she says with a playful whine. "I want to try some other positions," she tells him as she grinds herself against him a little bit, in an effort to be persuasive.

"God, do you have any idea what you do to me?" He groans as he can already feel his body start reacting to her.

"Well, I'd love to find out," she grins in response.

=======COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS=======

Well, I hope you liked this. And if anyone has some other ideas for AU chapters or regular ones, please let me know! As I've been saying, I really need the inspiration…

And PLEASE don't forget to review!


	16. The Right Choice (K Plus)

Guys, I really like this chapter. I hope you do, too.

===========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS===========

Sam takes a sip of his beer and closes his eyes as the cool liquid travels down his throat. He blows out a long, strangled breath before once again lifting his beer and taking a sip- an even bigger one this time.

Today was rough. _Really_ rough.

It was just one thing after another, one bad call and then a worse one and then an absolutely horrific one.

First it was the three car pileup in the morning. It was no one's fault – he's not sure if that makes it better or worse – it was just a fluke accident. The road was slick and one car skidded into another car, who hit another, who slammed into a telephone phone. Everyone was going the speed limit, they all did everything right. It was just a fluke.

And a huge mess.

The cars were stained with blood and the passengers were crying and screaming in pain. It was awful.

It took over two hours for them to contain the scene, get everyone to the hospital and take a dozen or so witness statements in the freezing rain, but eventually it was done.

But then, almost immediately after getting back into the squad car, they got their next call. And this one was even worse.

It was a domestic, which are normally hard, but this one was more difficult than usual.

When they pulled up to the house, they immediately heard the terrified screams coming from inside, so they ran straight in.

What they saw- well, it was a father beating the shit out of his teenaged son while the mother cried and screamed, begging him to stop.

She was doing her best to pull her husband away, but the moment they walked in the door, the husband elbowed her square in the jaw, effectively knocking her out and sending her straight to the ground.

The other two kids darted over to their mother, practically hyperventilating as tears streamed down their faces. They were screaming at her to wake up while simultaneously yelling at their father to stop, as he had immediately gone back to punching his son, who was well on his way to being unconscious.

It took both Sam and Andy to tear the father away from his son and handcuff him. Sam quickly dragged him outside, threw him in the squad car and ran back into the house where Andy was tending to the mother and son while also attempting to calm the other children down.

It was chaotic, to say the least.

Luckily, the ambulances came rather quickly, but then Sam and Andy had to wait for social services to come get the younger kids. And that was pretty heartbreaking all on its own.

They were just… completely scarred by the whole thing.

Sam could tell it wasn't the first time they witnessed their father doing something like this, but he also knew that it had never been this bad before.

Andy tried to talk to the kids – her lion's heart at work, but they didn't have much to say.

He remembers all too well what it's like to be those kids – witnessing your father go into a violent rage and hurt the people you love – and he also knows that there isn't anything that can be said to make it better.

Nothing will erase those images in your head.

But eventually, social services came and Sam and Andy were free to go on with their shift.

Except, after that, they didn't get a call for almost thirty minutes. And honestly, they really could've used the distraction.

It was evident how much that call was affecting Andy, and of course it was affecting him, too – she was just more obvious about it.

She barely spoke at all, and even though he'd usually kill for the quiet, he was seriously starting to miss her incessant chatter.

He wanted to say something to make her feel better, but he was at a loss. Was there really anything that could be said?

He didn't think so.

When they finally got their next call, he was actually relieved as the silence was really starting to get to him.

But the relief was pretty short-lived because the scene they came upon was one of the worst he's ever seen. Maybe _the_ worst.

When they pulled up to house, they were met with a woman, on her knees in the grass, practically hyperventilating as she alternated between sobbing and vomiting. Several neighbors had reported the sound of a gunshot, so that, coupled with this woman's obvious distress… it was clear whatever happened here was not good.

As soon as they got out of the squad car, they made their way to her, trying to figure out what was going on, but she was incoherent and completely inconsolable, unable to string even two words together. They were just about to give up and head into the house when a man walked outside, dragging a young boy along with him.

And the moment Sam saw his face- completely white as a ghost and just stunned beyond belief- he knew something truly traumatic had happened.

"Sir, we received a report of a gunshot… is anyone injured?" Andy inquired as she and Sam made their way towards him.

He only looked at her briefly, unable to maintain eye contact without breaking out into tears. "My… my… my s-son," he stammered as he pointed inside.

"Your son? Is he hurt? What happened?" Andy asked.

"I… I always l-lock it… always… but… but he f-found the… the key," he faltered as tears finally started to flood his face. "They… they were p-playing with it and… God… he…" he continued as he glanced down at his young son before breaking out into a sob. "He… he p-pulled the… my… my s-son… he's… he's gone," he said as he closed his eyes upon the words leaving his mouth.

Meanwhile, the young boy had wandered towards his mother, who was still weeping uncontrollably. "Mommy, don't cry… I'm sorry," he told her. And that's when the mother screamed out a sob of her own, which only caused the father to bury his face in his hands. "God, Jimmy… he's… he's… oh God," he wailed.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what happened here. And yeah, Sam was right- it was bad.

He immediately ran into the house with Andy close behind and when he walked into the kid's bedroom, he was immediately stunned to a stop.

He's almost certain that he's never seen anything more horrific.

Without being graphic, it was clear that the boy was dead. Very clear.

After taking a deep breath, Sam immediately turned around, planning to stop Andy from seeing this and having the image in her head for the rest of her life. Unfortunately, he was too late, as she was right behind him and already traumatized.

So yeah, that was their day.

It was probably one of the worst shifts he's ever experienced. And he knows it's the worst one she's ever experienced. Sure, an argument could be made for the storage locker incident that happened two months prior, but he's fairly certain she'd say this one was even worse.

Anyway, she was certainly in a daze after that. They both were, but _she's_ the one he's worried about right now.

He asked her if she wanted to talk or maybe get a drink at the Penny, but she declined. Honestly, he was pretty disappointed.

As much as he wanted to be there for her and make sure she was okay, it's also possible that he may have needed her a little bit, too.

So, now he's just drinking alone, trying to focus on the hockey game that's on TV, but failing miserably.

He's just about to give up and try to go to bed early when his phone buzzes to life.

You home?

Yeah, you okay?

Can I come over?

Of course. You need a ride?

No, that's okay. See you in a few.

Ok.

He tosses his phone on the coffee table, takes another sip of his beer and then impatiently waits for the knock on his door.

"Hey," he says when he finds her standing on his front steps. As happy as he is to see her, the look on her face kind of breaks his heart. She just doesn't look well.

She looks exhausted and defeated and she's definitely shed a few tears. It's not the first time he's seen her like this, but God, he hates it.

"Hey," she replies. "You sure you don't mind me coming over?" She questions.

"Of course not," he promises as he gestures for her to come in.

"Thanks," she replies as she steps inside.

"You want a beer?" He wonders as he leads her into the kitchen.

"Yeah, thanks," she confirms.

He quickly opens the fridge, grabs her a beer, opens it and hands it to her.

"Thank you," she tells him with as much of a smile as she can muster- which, for the record, isn't much.

"No problem," he assures her as they walk towards the couch and take a seat.

They spend the next minute or so in silence, each pretending to watch the hockey game, until Sam can't take it anymore and speaks up.

"You okay?" He asks, although he knows the answer. Of course she's not okay. How could she be?

As she blows out a shaky breath, she turns to meet his eyes. "Sam… today… that was… that was the worst thing I've ever seen," she tells him.

"Me too," he agrees.

She sighs and stares down at her drink for a moment before looking back up at him. "I just want to forget it ever happened," she declares.

He nods his head in understanding, as he tries to figure out his next move. He'd do anything to make her forget what she saw today, but he knows from experience that it'll be burned in her memory for the rest of her life. "You wanna watch a movie or something?" He suggests, somewhat surprising them both.

With a grateful smile, she nods her head. "Yeah," she agrees.

He reaches for the remote and hands it to her. "We can rent something… just pick out whatever you want," he tells her.

"Whatever I want?" She asks, a bit surprised. "What if I pick 27 Dresses or something?" She teases, attempting to somewhat lighten the mood.

"I trust you," he tells her with a smile, causing her to mirror the expression.

She immediately turns her attention to the television and browses the movie rentals before eventually settling on Old School.

"I think we need a comedy tonight," she declares.

"Yeah, I think you're right," he agrees.

So, she rents the movie, tosses the remote beside her and then does something surprising – moves right next to Sam so every inch of her left side is touching every inch of his right and then rests her head on his shoulder.

He's so stunned that he really has no idea what to do, so he just sits there, pretending to watch the movie when all he can really think about is what the hell is going on. This is very unfamiliar territory for them so to say he's confused would certainly be an understatement.

Except, the position they're in is pretty awkward where he's resting against the back of the couch with his arms by his side and she's just leaning against his arm with her head on his shoulder.

It's definitely strange.

So, after several minutes, he summons the courage to pull his arm out from between them and casually throw it around her shoulders to make things more comfortable.

But then, she surprises him again by simply scooting closer and practically melting into him. She's got her legs bent and sort of in front of her with her knees leaning against his thigh while her head rests right under his collarbone.

And all of her movements resulted in his hand resting right above her hip, so that arm around her shoulder is seeming much less casual now. Not that he minds.

But still, it's just weird.

He briefly entertains the idea that he's just imagining this whole thing. Maybe he's just dreaming - maybe he fell asleep on the couch and the fact that she came over in the first place was simply a dream.

That would make more sense than what's happening right now.

Because, seriously, when did cuddling on the couch become something that they do?

Not that he hates it or anything, but still… he's not sure what it means.

He figures that she's just looking for some comfort tonight. After the day they had, he gets it. Truthfully, he could use some himself.

So, that's when he quite possibly pulls her just a tad closer.

Neither of them comment on it and he spends the next hour simply enjoying the feel of having her in his arms. Although, while he _is_ enjoying it, it's also a bit torturous… having her in his arms like this, but not actually having her in the way he wants. Still, he's not about to move.

He's just confused as shit.

What's going to happen tomorrow? Are they going back to just being friends and partners? Will they forget this ever happened?

Although, he's not sure how _he_ could forget, but maybe she will…

Honestly, when he found out that she broke up with Callahan, the thought _did_ cross his mind… that maybe now something could actually happen between them. Maybe she'd finally see how great they could be together. Maybe she'd finally give him a chance.

They finally had nothing in their way. Nothing was stopping them. He's not her training officer. She's not with anybody else.

They could finally be together.

Except, he knew it couldn't happen right away. He didn't want it to.

No, he wasn't going to risk rushing into something for it only to be a rebound.

That's why he's been waiting. Waiting until she's ready. Although, he's not exactly sure when that will be.

Three months doesn't seem like enough time to get over your fiancé cheating on you. No, if she truly believed she was spending the rest of her life with Callahan, she'd need a lot more time than that before she'd be ready to move on.

The thing is, he's been paying attention and it kind of seems like she's over it. She's not glaring at him from across the barn; she's not growling at horny teenagers or scoffing at happy couples holding hands… these past few weeks, she's seemed happy. It's like she's her normal self again.

But then again, maybe he's just seeing what he wants to see.

Anyway, he figures he'll just know… that she'll give him some kind of sign. And then maybe he'll put it all out there… or more likely, he'll just ask her to get a drink with him… _maybe_ take her out to dinner.

But until then, he'll wait.

"Sam?" She says, pulling him from his thoughts.

"Hm?" He asks.

"I can't stop seeing it," she tells him as she lifts her head and to meet his gaze.

"I know," he responds as he unconsciously draws circles on her waist with his thumb. He catches himself after several seconds and briefly wonders if he should move him arm away, but it doesn't seem to bother her, so he just leaves it.

"Do you ever wonder why you do this job?" She questions. "I mean… the things we see… the _horrible_ things we see every day… why do you do it?" She wonders.

"Somebody's got to," he shrugs. Although, he knows that's not exactly the right answer. "Look Andy, some days are going to be rough… it's just the way it is, but I guess when you have a day like today, you just have to remember the good stuff… the little girl you saved from the rec center, that teenager you talked off a ledge, that missing boy you rescued, all of the criminals you get off the street everyday… that's the stuff you have to remember," he tells her.

"Yeah," she agrees as she nods along.

But for some reason, he feels like he has to say more. "This job… you're really great at it… and the city would be worse off if you weren't doing it," he adds.

A smile finally appears on her lips and he can't help but feel proud for putting it there. "Thanks Sam," she tells him. "I don't know how I'd do it without you."

He smiles back at her and they just sit there for a moment, beaming at each other. And then, he's just about to say something else when all of a sudden, she starts leaning towards him and closing her eyes, about to kiss him.

He momentarily wonders if he should stop her, but instead, he just leans in closer and presses his lips against hers. As they kiss, he turns his body towards her and wraps both of his arms around her before sliding a hand up the back of her shirt, relishing the feel of her warm skin.

He lets himself enjoy it for much longer than he should, but eventually, he comes to his senses.

"Andy, wait," he says as he pulls away.

"What?" She asks, shooting him a confused look.

"I… look, I… I don't want this to happen because… because you're trying to make yourself feel better," he explains. He's having some serious flashbacks to everything that happened after the blackout, and the last thing he wants is a repeat of that whole ordeal.

"Sam, that's not what this is," she assures him.

"Really?" He questions. "Then, what is it?"

"It's… it's me finally coming to my senses," she admits.

"Yeah?" He asks, with some skepticism. "Are you sure?"

" _Yes_ ," she promises.

He blows out a breath and pushes a lock of hair behind her ear as he attempts to organize his thoughts.

As much as he wants this, he's really not sure if it's a good idea. He's still not entirely convinced that this isn't just her attempt at forgetting what happened today. And even if it isn't, he's still worried that it's too soon after her break up with Callahan. "I don't want this to be a rebound either," he continues, still running his fingers through her hair.

"It's not," she reassures him. "Sam, I'm completely over what happened… really," she guarantees.

"It's only been three months," he reminds her.

"I know," she shrugs. "But, I think that, deep down, I always knew he wasn't the one… and yeah, I know that's crazy because I did agree to marry him… I honestly don't know what I was thinking," she confesses. "I guess I was just in denial," she reflects.

She waits for him to respond for a moment, but when she sees the uncertainty in his eyes, she decides to keep going.

"You know, with Luke… I was always trying to convince myself that being with him was the right thing… I kept telling myself that he was a good guy, that he loved me, that we'd be happy together… but if you have to talk yourself into being with someone, then they definitely aren't the right person," she explains.

"But with you… with you, I was always trying to talk myself _out_ of wanting to be with you… I'd tell myself that it'd never work between us… I'd come up with reason after reason… that you were my training officer, that you were about to leave for guns  & gangs, that we were both too afraid of commitment, that we were too different… and then when we became partners, I told myself that I didn't want to complicate that… and when that didn't work, I'd try even harder to convince myself that Luke was the right choice," she continues before meeting Sam's eyes and blowing out a breath.

"Look Sam, if you want to wait… that's okay, we can," she offers. "But I just… I want you to know that… that I'm done pretending I don't have feelings for you… I'm done trying to convince myself that you're not the right choice," she declares. "I mean… it was never really believable anyway," she adds with a smile.

He's so stunned, he's essentially speechless. He just… he _really_ was not expecting this. And he definitely wasn't prepared for it.

He's not sure how much times passes that he's just sitting there, not saying anything, but eventually, he notices the hint of vulnerability creep into her eyes and realizes that it's been too long.

"Are you sure?" He asks as he cups her jaw while swiping his thumb along her cheek.

"Yes," she practically whispers. "Sam, I'm _sure_ ," she promises.

"Okay," he replies before he pulls her into his lap.

He just stares at her for a moment, just taking her all in, as his hands slide down her waist.

"But you know… if we do this, we can't undo it," he warns her. "There's no going back."

"I know," she assures him as she wraps her arms around his neck. "This is what I want… it's what I've wanted for a long a time… and I'm finally going to let myself have it," she says.

As he pulls her flush against his chest, he can't help but smile at her words.

"Me too."

===========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS===========

Cute, right?

Hope you enjoyed this! Don't forget to leave lots of reviews!

I'm still working on the next chapter of Rewritten. It's pretty angsty and I think you all know that I'm kind of insecure when it comes to writing angst lol. So yeah, I just don't love it yet and I'm trying to make it better. Fingers crossed I can get it posted by Monday or Tuesday!

Anyway, like I said, I'd love to hear your feedback on this chapter. Thanks!


	17. Rewrites (T)

Hey guys. So sorry about the long wait! I really tried to post this chapter before I left for vacation, but I just didn't have time. Anyway, I just got back yesterday at 7AM and I'm mostly recovered from the jetlag, so I figured I should post something.

It's basically three short rewrites I wrote from the series. I think it's pretty obvious which scenes I have rewritten, but if you aren't sure, let me know!

Hope you like!

============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS============

The moment he sees her go down, everything else fades away. All of the noise, all of the people… it's all gone and all he can see is her.

She hits the ground hard and he's not sure how badly she's injured, but he's so determined to get to her that he's by her side within seconds.

She's desperately trying to get up and he's doing his best to keep her still while searching her for blood. Finally, he spots the bullet lodged in her vest and breathes a huge sigh of relief.

But she's still gasping for air and when he catches her eye, the look of terror in them is obvious. While attempting to soothe her with his words, he grabs her hand and gently squeezes it and after a moment, he feels like maybe it's working because her breathing is finally beginning to normalize.

She's still clearly in pain, but she's quickly started to calm down, so he finally chances a look at the commotion surrounding them.

It's complete chaos as law enforcement attempts to get the fleeing civilians to safety while simultaneously trying to apprehend the shooter. The air is filled with loud cries and horrified screams as everyone is desperately trying to escape the scene. Everyone is absolutely terrified and he knows he can't just stay here with Andy while all of this is going on.

He briefly glances back at her, checking to make sure okay. She is and he's got a job to do.

Although, that still doesn't make leaving her any easier.

"Andy, you're gonna be fine, but I've gotta go be the boss, okay?" He tells her while rubbing the hand of her hand with his thumb.

"I know, it's okay," she assures him with a nod, her voice still a bit rough and breathless.

Once again, he squeezes her hand and offers a small smile before going to help control the crowd, while wishing he was still sitting beside her.

It's about twenty minutes later when he's standing outside, waiting for Andy to finish giving her statement to Rosati and get checked by the medics.

And even though some time has passed since the shooting, his mind is still spinning a bit.

He just can't shake all of the images running through his head… Andy getting thrown back by the force of the bullet, Andy getting slammed to the ground, the sheer panic in her eyes when he found her, the sound of her desperately trying to catch her breath… they just won't stop.

And it's forcing him to confront the idea that something really could've happened to her back there.

If the bullet had been just a foot higher or a few inches to the right, she could've been in some serious trouble.

He could've _lost_ her.

And yeah, that's just really not something he ever wants to think about.

As much as he'd like to pretend that she's just another rookie, he knows better.

She's much more.

She's the rookie he always wants to ride with. She's the rookie he looks forward to spending time with. She's the rookie he can't seem to say no to. She's the rookie who makes him smile. She's the rookie he can't stop thinking about.

She's _his_ rookie. Just not in the way he wants.

So, the idea of losing her- of never seeing her again, it's so much more than he can handle and all he wants is to stop thinking about it, to stop seeing those images.

But he can't.

Not until the door opens and Andy walks out, finally saving him from his thoughts.

"Hey," he says when he sees her. "How ya feeling?" He asks as he places a hand on the small of her back and leads her behind the communications truck.

"I'm okay," she promises. "It was just… Sam, it was so scary… and it hurt _so_ bad," she admits as he brings her around the truck, so they can talk in private. "And I've already got this bruise forming," she discloses as she lifts her t-shirt slightly, revealing the giant mark covering at least half her stomach.

"Jesus," he grimaces when he sees the large purple bruise. "You sure you're okay? No broken ribs?" He asks.

"Yeah, I'm okay… nothing is broken," she assures him, as she leans against the truck. "Sam, I'm okay… really," she adds when she meets his eyes and notices just how worried he seems to be.

And then, before either of them can really comprehend what's going on, he's pushing her hair out of her eyes and gently framing her face with his hand while his eyes lock on hers. In the moment, he doesn't really think anything of the way he's touching her… the way he's caressing her face and pushing her bangs out of the way. It's definitely intimate and not at all how a training officer should touch his rookie, but for some reason, it doesn't even dawn on him.

It's just that, he was _really_ worried about her and… well, he just needs to make sure she's really okay.

"What?" She asks as he continues to look deep into her eyes, seemingly searching them for something.

He can't even recall the moment he made the decision, but he barely even considers it before he's leaning towards her and kissing her.

He immediately senses her surprise, but for some reason, it doesn't deter him. He continues to kiss her, until seconds later, she's actually kissing him back. And the feeling of her lips moving with his… it's honestly making him dizzy.

It's not as if he could ever forget what it feels like to kiss her. The night of the blackout is pretty much engrained in his memory forever, no matter how hard he's tried to forget. But somehow, this moment exceeds all of his memories.

As he's completely basking in the moment, her hands wrap around his waist, travel up his back and come to rest around his neck, while he takes a step closer and pins her against the truck, careful not to press against her bruise. Then, he takes a chance and swipes his tongue against her lip, seeking entrance. She eagerly parts her lips and soon their tongues are dancing while his hands explore her back.

He's not sure how long they go on like this, but it feels like quite a while. Eventually, it's the sound of yelling in the distance that forces him out of his haze.

God, what is he doing?

She's his rookie… and she has a boyfriend.

He immediately tears himself away from her, unable to escape the confusion-laced eyes staring back at him. "Shit," he spits out as he briefly pinches the bridge of his nose. "Shit, Andy… fuck, I…I'm so sorry," he apologizes. "I shouldn't have done that… I… I'm sorry," he repeats as he very briefly meets her eyes before speed-walking away from her, leaving her still leaning against the truck, in a state of shock and a bit breathless.

She watches him make his way across the parking lot while she touches her fingers to her lips, as if she needs the confirmation that they actually just did that.

But uh… yeah, they really did.

===Later on===

For the rest of their shift, he does everything he can to avoid her.

He really wishes she'd just go home and take it easy, but of course, she doesn't.

Luckily, he's able to stay clear of her and eventually sneak away at the end of the day, without having the inevitable talk he'd do anything to avoid.

After being home for about an hour and probably chugging three beers, in an attempt to forget about today, he hears a knock at the door.

And of course, there she is, standing on his front stoop.

He briefly considers pretending not to be home, but he knows she saw his truck in the driveway, so that's probably not going to work. So, he just takes a deep breath and opens the door, preparing himself for whatever she's about to say.

"Hey," he greets her, trying his best to be casual.

"Hey… can we talk?" She asks.

Nodding his head, he steps aside and gestures for her to come in, although it's honestly the last thing he wants to do. She offers him a small smile as she walks past him and he closes the door before following her into the living room.

"Andy, look… about today… I'm sorry, okay? Can we just forget about it?" He requests, after she turns around to face him.

"Really?" She asks, the expression on her face difficult to read. "You _really_ want to forget about it?" She challenges. "Because it didn't feel like something you'd want to forget."

He doesn't respond. He's at a complete loss for words. Of course he doesn't _want_ to forget… but what choice does he have?

"I mean… I know I don't," she admits, nervously chewing on her lip.

Um…. what?

To say he's completely and utterly shocked would be quite the understatement.

"You don't?" He asks, carefully. He just really needs to hear her say it again.

"No, I don't," she confirms with a shake of her head.

"But… what about Callahan?" He questions.

"I uh… I broke up with him," she explains with a shrug of her shoulders. "So uh… any chance I could borrow your truck tomorrow? I've got _quite_ a bit of shit I'll need to put in storage until I find a place," she tells him in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Uh… yeah, of course," he replies, still kind of in a daze over this whole thing.

"Thanks," she says with a smile. "But um… what about the other thing?" She wonders.

"The other thing…" he begins, a smile quickly spreading across his face as he takes a couple steps forward, erasing most of the space between them.

"Yeah," she replies, her smile widening. "I'd kindda like to know your thoughts on it," she adds, her tone light and playful.

Completely beaming at her, he swiftly gathers her in his arms and kisses her with even more passion than earlier.

Yeah, he definitely doesn't want to forget about this.

==============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==============

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as she stands outside his place, mentally preparing herself for whatever's coming next. She knows they need to talk, but she doesn't know how it'll go and that definitely scares her.

Once she's calmed herself as much as possible, she quickly inserts her key and unlocks the door before stepping inside.

As she tosses her keys on the table by the door, she spots him lying on the couch with a beer in his hand. At the sound of her footsteps making their way across the room, he lifts his head and silently meets her eyes, waiting to see what she's going to do or say.

She hesitates for a moment- unsure how to do this. Part of her almost wants to argue with him- to just get it all out, but she knows how ridiculous that is. It's not even that she's angry with him, exactly. She's more upset with the universe… and the situation… and herself.

She's had a lot of time to think since their fight in the locker room this afternoon. She knows he's doing the best he can. She knows he's trying. She knows she should've said something before. She knows that she's at least half to blame, if not more.

That's why she's here.

She just wants to make it right. She wants to figure all of this out. She wants this to work.

He watches her as she steps closer, but he's still not saying a word as he places his beer on the ground, mutes the television and sits up to make room for her on the couch. She blows out a tired breath as she takes the last couple steps toward him and then takes a seat beside him.

"I'm sorry," she tells him softly. "I was never actually gonna go," she promises.

Immediately, she can see him release the breath he'd been holding, obviously relieved from her words. "Okay…" he says, seemingly waiting for something more. "Then, why did you bring it up?" He asks, carefully.

She lets out a sigh as she momentarily stares at her hands in her lap before finally lifting her chin to meet his gaze. "Sam, I've just… I've been feeling so disconnected from you lately… it's like you have this whole separate life that I have no part in… you and Marlo are making all of these decisions and you don't even tell me, let alone include me in most of them… that's why I brought up Vancouver… in case… in case maybe you needed an out," she admits.

"Andy…" he begins, as the complete shock he's feeling from her words is making it difficult to organize his thoughts. "I _don't_ want an out… I've _never_ wanted an out, okay?" he promises. "And, of _course_ I want you to be involved in all of the baby stuff," he assures her. "I… I guess I just wasn't sure how much you really wanted to be," he explains.

"Sam, we should be figuring all of this stuff out together," she replies. "I mean, she's your _daughter_ … she's always going to be in your life… and if we're getting married, then she's always going to be in mine," she tells him.

" _If_?" He questions, as his heart sinks into his stomach and a look of complete horror crosses his face.

"You know what I mean," she dismisses.

"No… no, I don't," he says with a shake of his head. "Are you… are you having second thoughts about getting married?" He questions, unable to hide the anxiety he's feeling.

"Sam… you know I love you… and… and I _want_ to be with you, but…," she pauses.

" _But_ …?" He says with sheer panic in his voice.

"But we just have a lot of stuff to figure out," she comments.

"That doesn't answer my question," he points out, getting more anxious with each passing second.

"Sam, of _course_ I want to marry you… I just don't know where I fit in all of this," she clarifies.

" _I_ do," he exclaims, the desperation clear in his tone. "You fit right here… right next to me… always," he implores as he moves closer to her and grabs her hands.

She briefly smiles at that and he happily returns the sentiment, but unfortunately it's rather short-lived.

"This is just such a weird situation, you know? And I don't really know how to talk to you about what I'm feeling without making it seem like I'm asking you to choose between me and your family," she explains.

"Andy, _you_ are my family," he promises, earning a smile from her. "Yes, I love Mya, but I _also_ love you, okay? _So_ much," he assures her. "I don't ever want you to feel like there are things you can't say to me or that you're not a priority… you are _everything_ to me," he declares. "And I'm sorry if you've been feeling like… I don't know… like you're anything less than the most important person in my life," he says as he pushes a lock of hair behind her ear. "I promise you I'll do a better job of balancing everything and… and letting you help me with that," he vows.

"Okay," she agrees with a nod.

"You just have to talk to me when you're feeling like this, okay?" He implores. "I know that none of this has been easy on you and… I mean, the last thing I _ever_ want is for you to be unhappy… and I never want you to doubt how much you mean to me," he adds.

"I know," she promises. "We just need to figure all of this out together," she reasons as she rests her head on his shoulder.

"We will," he tells her as he wraps an arm around her and pulls her into his side before kissing the top of her head.

They'll figure it all out. He's absolutely sure of it.

And so is she.

===========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS===========

" _All you wanted was to be a cop again and all I wanted was you…"_

His words are etched in her brain, haunting her, as she waits for Traci to give her a ride home. It's not that she thought Sam would be thrilled with her decision to leave town during their suspension – she knew he wouldn't be – but she didn't expect him to react like _this_.

She told him where she was going. She told him why. She told him that she would miss him.

She knew he'd be pissed, but she thought he'd at least understand.

Obviously, she was pretty naïve in thinking that they could just pick up right where they left off.

But seriously – why does it have to be one or the other? Can't she want him _and_ her job? Why should she have to choose just one?

She blows out an exaggerated breath as his words continue to replay in her mind.

All she can see is that defeated look he wore on his face as he said them and it just kills her. Making him feel like that… it was the _last_ thing she ever wanted to do.

"McNally… you need a ride home?" Oliver asks as he steps out of the men's locker room and spots her leaning against the wall in the hallway.

"Traci is giving me a ride," Andy replies.

"I don't think she's gonna be done for a while. C'mon, I'll take you," he says, gesturing for her to follow him.

"Um thanks" she replies as she catches up with him and allows him to lead her down the hallway and out into the parking lot. Several seconds later, she's hopping into his passenger seat while he's starting his car.

" _All you wanted was to be a cop again and all I wanted was you…"_

She just can't make it stop. It's all she can think about. She just hates how upset he sounded… how hurt he was… that she was the cause.

He really thinks that she chose her job over him.

The thing is… she really never thought that she had to choose. In her mind, if she left, she could have both. But if she stayed, they'd be putting their careers in jeopardy and if their relationship resulted in them losing their jobs… how could they ever stand a chance? How could they ever be normal after that?

She knows that she hurt him by leaving, but why couldn't he understand where she was coming from? Why couldn't he see that she was doing it for him as much as her? She did it so they could really be together after all of it… so they could finally have a normal. A normal where they are together and happy and both doing the job that they love.

But what if he really can't forgive her? What if she ruined everything between them? What if he doesn't want to start over?

What if he's spent the past three months moving on? What if he already has?

" _All I wanted was you."_

Past tense.

Does he not want her anymore?

That thought alone makes her feel sick to her stomach.

"Do you think I made a mistake? You know… leaving like that?" Andy asks, suddenly, as she turns to look at Oliver.

Oliver lets out a breath and seems to contemplate her question for a moment. "I don't know, McNally," he shrugs.

"Sam is really pissed at me," she admits as she stares down at her hands, fidgeting in her lap. "I think I might've messed everything up between us."

"Don't worry about Sammy, he'll come around. He just… he missed you, you know?" Oliver replies.

"Well, I missed him, too," she argues.

"I know, but… I think it was just hard for him…. dealing with all of that Brennan stuff by himself," Oliver explains.

"But, he seemed fine that night," Andy maintains.

"Yeah, but… you were there," Oliver reminds her as he briefly glances over at her.

And her heart immediately sinks upon hearing those words. It probably should've crossed her mind before now, but it's just that… Sam has always been the strongest person she knows. The thought of him being vulnerable like that… the idea that he would need her… it's just so foreign to her, it's not something that she would've ever considered before.

"It just couldn't have been easy… having nothing to do for the past three months but sit around and think," Oliver continues.

"Shit, you're right… I'm horrible," Andy exclaims, dropping her head into her hands. And as guilty as she was feeling before, she feels infinitely more guilty now.

How could she not realize what he must've been going through? She can't even imagine how she would feel if something like that happened to her… but she knows that if it did, she'd probably never want him to leave her side.

And the worst part is… if the situation was reversed, she knows that he never would.

God, she is the _worst_.

"No, you're not. You just need to go talk to him. He probably just wants to know that you missed him as much as he missed you… that you want this as much as he does," Oliver suggests.

"Yeah," Andy nods as she tries to figure out how she's going to fix all of this.

That's when Oliver's car comes to a stop and Andy glances out the window, realizing that they are not at her apartment. Nope, they're in front of Sam's.

Andy looks back at Oliver and gives him a big smile. "Thanks Oliver," she says before hopping out of the car and walking up the steps to Sam's front door.

Moments later, she's ringing the doorbell and waiting anxiously as she hears him make his way towards her. She's just praying that she can still make this right. That it's not too late.

"Hey," he says when he opens the front door, careful not to show any emotion. Yeah, he's definitely got his poker face on.

"Hey," she replies. "Can I… can I come in?" She asks with pleading eyes.

He shrugs, noncommittedly, and opens the door a bit wider so she can step inside.

"I just… I think we really need to talk," she tells him as he closes the door behind him.

He lets out a sigh as he turns back towards her, wearing that same expression from earlier. "Andy, I just don't know how much there is to really talk about," he tells her.

And his tone absolutely breaks her heart. She can't recall ever seeing him like this. He just seems so defeated and the fact that it's because of her just makes her hate herself.

"Sam, there is _a lot_ we need to talk about," she argues.

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "Andy, I told you that if you didn't leave, there was no going back and… and you didn't leave," he begins.

"I know," she says softly.

"And I asked you if you wanted to be normal together and you said yes," he continues.

"I know," she repeats, a little bit louder.

"Andy, you just… you can't keep doing this to me. You can't keep getting my hopes up and making me think that there is something between us and then… and then just changing your mind," he says, desperately.

"I didn't change my mind!" She claims.

"Well, you left," he retorts before blowing out a breath. "You know… everything that Brennan did to me… it didn't hurt half as much as what you did," he tells her.

And his words are a knife to the heart. She doesn't think she's ever felt as terrible as she does in this moment. "Sam…" she says, her voice raw with emotion as her eyes start to water.

"I just… I thought we were _finally_ on the same page… I thought you wanted this as much as I did," he continues.

"I did! I do!" she tells him, but all she gets in response is a shrug. "Sam, I'm sorry I left, okay? I _really_ am… I should've been there for you and I hate that I wasn't… but what you said earlier… it's not true," she tells him. "Yes, I did want to be a cop again, but I wanted you, too… I just… I thought I was protecting _both_ of us, you know?" She adds. "And now, I'm realizing that I probably made the wrong choice, but I can't take it back… not matter how badly I wish I could," she says. "Look, I know I said yes and I _meant_ yes… I still do… Sam, I thought about you every day, I missed you every single day… all I wanted these past three months was to be with you and now… now, we finally have the chance to actually be together… and I just… I _really_ want that… don't you?" She questions.

He stares at her for what feels like forever, but she just waits, trying her best to read his expression, but failing miserably.

Eventually, he nods his head slightly and takes a step towards her. "Yeah," he replies.

"Yeah?" She asks, hopefully, but still need a little more assurance.

"Yes," he confirms as he moves closer and places his hands on her waist. "But I mean it, I can't keep doing this back and forth thing with you… either you're in or you're out," he tells her.

"I'm _in_. I'm _definitely_ in," she assures him.

"You sure?" He questions, wanting to be absolutely sure this time.

" _Yes_ ," she guarantees with all of the confidence in the world.

"Okay… good," he says as a smile finally traces his lips. "Me too," he promises.

"Good," she says, her smile widening as she throws her arms around his neck, stands on her toes, and kisses him. He eagerly meets each and every one of her kisses as he pulls her flush against his chest and wraps his arms around her, relishing the fact that she's finally here with him again. After all of that time, all of those lonely days and restless nights, she's finally in his arms.

She's finally his.

And yeah, it just feels… right.

===========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS===========

So, I remember reading that they actually filmed a scene where Sam did kiss Andy behind the communications truck, but in the end, decided not to go that route. I would've loved to see that, so I figured I'd write it

Then, after the whole Vancouver thing… I really did love the end of that scene, but I felt like maybe a little more needed to be said. And I didn't particularly like the beginning, so I rewrote it.

And lastly, I didn't like how in the season three premiere, Andy didn't go to Sam after their conversation in the hallway. After what he said to her, I feel like she should've gone to him and tried to talk it out instead of waiting for him to come to her.

Anyway, hope you guys like these. Let me know which one is your favorite! And if you have any other scenes you'd like rewritten, let me know!


	18. Drinks (K)

A simple invitation for drinks changes everything.

==============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==============

The moment she saw him this morning, she could tell something was off.

He seemed way too serious and completely lost in his thoughts. It was clear something was on his mind, but at the time, she had no idea what.

But then, Traci told her about the case he was working on, and she immediately understood where his mind had been all day.

She could only imagine the emotions it was dredging up… and all of the memories it was bringing to the surface. Yeah, as soon as she heard, it all made sense.

She thought about saying something to him… she thought about it _several_ times. But each time she considered going over to talk to him, she always talked herself out of it. He was just so laser focused on solving the case, it was obvious he was trying to block everything else out.

Plus, she wasn't exactly sure that he'd _want_ her to say anything.

It really wasn't her place anymore… if it ever was.

For a brief moment, she considered saying something to Marlo. She wondered if Marlo had any idea about his sister and the effect this case would have on him.

But… she must. She _is_ his girlfriend.

As closed off as Sam is, he told her about his sister before they were anything… before they were even really friends.

So, he must've told Marlo… right?

And if he didn't… well, then it definitely wasn't her place to say anything.

So, she didn't.

But now, hours after the official end of their shift, she's finally heading home when she catches a glimpse of his face as he walks into the men's locker room. He looks completely exhausted and kind of distraught and something inside just compels her to go talk to him.

So, without a second thought, she follows him inside the locker room and finds him completely alone. It's not surprising since everyone else went home a while ago and the next shift is already out on patrol, but when she made the decision to go talk to him, she wasn't really expecting it to just be the two of them in here.

Still, there's no turning back now.

"Hey," he says, when he hears the door open and looks up to see her standing there. "What are you still doing here?" He wonders, as he opens his locker.

"I had a lot of paperwork to catch up on," she responds as she walks towards him.

He nods his head in understanding as he digs around in his locker for a moment. But when she doesn't say anything else, he glances back at her with obvious questions in his eyes.

She's desperately trying to figure out what she can say to him, but she's kind of at a loss. She knows there aren't any words that can change what happened today or what happened to his sister all those years ago, but she wishes she could find _something_ comforting to tell him.

Except, he's just staring at her, waiting for her to say whatever it is she came to say. And she seriously has nothing.

So, instead, she just drops her bag on the floor and pulls him into a hug before she can think better of it.

He's definitely a little taken back at first, but it's only a second or two later before he wraps his arms around her and pulls her close. And as her familiar and intoxicating scent surrounds him, he closes his eyes and just breathes her in, having absolutely no desire to let her go.

After the day he's had, he's not sure how she can just suddenly make it all slip away with a simple hug, but somehow, she does.

They stand like that for a while… for way longer than anyone would ever deem appropriate for two exes to be touching, especially when one of them has a girlfriend.

But he just doesn't care. Having her in his arms like this, it makes everything better. And as much as he had forced himself not to, he's _really_ missed it.

But eventually, she starts to pull away and although every part of him wants to keep holding on to her, he reluctantly lets her go.

"Thanks," he says, almost whispering. She responds with a small smile and a half shrug before he briefly turns towards his locker to grab his jacket and keys.

"Sam… I… I'm guessing you probably don't want to… and if you don't, that's completely okay, but… I don't know… if you _did_ want to talk about it… I just want you to know that I'm here," she offers, although she's all but certain he won't take her up on it.

Considering her proposal, he slips on his leather jacket and turns to face her again. "You want to get a drink?" He asks, taking her completely by surprise.

"Uh… okay… okay, sure," she agrees, still a little dumbfounded by his invitation.

Does he _actually_ want to talk to her about today or does he just want to get a drink to forget? Either way, she's a little confused why he would be doing this with her and not Marlo. But she did say she was here for him, so she can't exactly back out now.

"Ready?" He asks, pulling her out of her reverie.

"Yeah," she confirms, trying to hide her discomfort with the situation.

"Let's go," he says before shutting his locker door and leading her out into the hallway.

Several minutes later, they are in his truck and heading to the bar when she decides to put on some music. And very quickly, she realizes that he hasn't changed any of the radio presets she set when they were still together. She feels a little silly for the smile that appears on her lips, but it's just really surprising considering how much he used to tease her about her taste in music.

And as she attempts to neutralize her facial expressions, she briefly considers bringing it up, but ultimately, she figures that nothing good will come out of it. He'll probably just tell her that he doesn't know how to change them back or that he doesn't need presets because he's memorized all of his favorite stations.

Yeah, she doesn't really need to hear that.

So, she settles on a song and gazes out the window as they drive down the street.

But then, they drive right past the Penny. And well, that's strange.

"Where are we going?" She asks, curiously.

"Oh… I don't know," he shrugs. "But if it's okay with you, I'd rather not go to the Penny tonight," he tells her.

"Why not?" She wonders.

"I just… I don't really feel like seeing anybody," he explains. "That okay?" He asks, glancing over at her.

"Yeah… yeah, of course," she replies. "I get it," she assures him.

Although, the truth is, she _doesn't_ get it. He invited her to get a drink, but doesn't want to see anybody? It doesn't make much sense.

But maybe she's just reading too much into it…

"Thanks," he says as he glances over at her with a small smile. "How about this place?" He questions, as he points down the street.

"Works for me," she responds with a shrug.

"Great," he replies as he pulls into the parking lot.

Moments later, right as Sam is parking the truck and turning off the ignition, his cell phone starts to ring. "Hey," he says, answering the phone, as he and Andy get out of the truck. "Not tonight," he tells whomever is on the other line. "Sorry, I'm just really exhausted," he explains. "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow… okay, you too," he adds before hanging up the phone and shoving it in his pocket.

"Marlo?" She assumes after hearing what sounded like her voice on the other end. Although, if it was Marlo, she's not sure why he made it seem like he is going home to sleep when he obviously isn't.

"Yeah," he admits, uncomfortably.

"Oh," Andy responds, suddenly starting to feel even more awkward about this whole thing.

Picking up on Andy's discomfort, he stops walking a few steps from the front door, and catches her eyes. "I… I know I should've told her I was with you… I just… I don't think she'd love the idea of you and I getting a drink together," he explains with a shrug.

"So… then why are we?" She wonders.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he slowly blows out a breath. "Because… because you're the only person I want to be around right now," he admits. "Honestly, you're the only person I want to be around most of the time."

"What?" She asks, completely confused.

"I know," he says as he briefly shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I don't know what I'm doing," he declares.

"What do you mean?" She questions.

"With her… I don't know what I'm doing with her," he clarifies as his eyes lock on hers once again. "And with you," he confesses, his voice a bit softer.

"Oh," she responds, although she's still not exactly sure what he means.

"Yeah," he says as he leans against the side of the building. "I have to end it," he realizes.

"What?" She asks, her eyes widening. "Really?"

"Yeah," he confirms. "I should've ended it so long ago… or never started it," he admits.

"Um… wow," she comments. Truthfully, it's the only thing she can think to say. This is not at all what she was expecting out of tonight.

"I know," he replies.

"Why are you telling me this?" She asks, genuinely curious.

"I…I'm not sure," he acknowledges. "I guess I just wanted you to know," he tells her.

" _Why_?" She probes.

"I don't know," he exhales. "Because… because I guess a part of me is still hoping that… that maybe… maybe we could still get that drink someday, you know?" He asks. "And maybe… maybe we could talk?" He suggests. "About us?" He asks, hopefully.

"Sam…" she begins, not sure what her next words should be. As much as she misses him, as much as she still wants him, she's just not sure if she can let him back into her life just like that.

"I know," he sighs, stopping her before she has a chance to say something he doesn't want to hear. "I know I probably fucked up any chance there was of us working things out, but… Andy, I still think about us," he declares. " _Way_ more than I should," he adds. "I've tried not to… I've _really_ tried… but it just… it doesn't work," he tells her, pausing briefly to meet her eyes. "And lately… lately, I've been thinking about the future… life beyond all of this… beyond the job," he explains. "And whenever I do… it's always you and me… _always_ ," he tells her. "I just can't see it any other way," he adds. "I don't _want_ it any other way," he amends.

"Um… wow," she comments, a bit speechless.

"Yeah," he exhales. "But… even if there is no second chance for us… I just… I want you to know that… that I meant what I said before you left," he tells her. "It wasn't just a heat of the moment thing, I… I meant it… I _still_ mean it," he promises.

"Sam, you said that and then… then, a few months later, you were with someone else," she reminds him.

"Andy, I thought we were _done_ ," he implores, his voice getting louder and a bit desperate. "I mean, you left without even telling me, you didn't ask me to wait for you… I thought I lost my chance," he explains. "And I spent _months_ hating myself for everything that happened… reliving it over and over again, wishing I had done so many things differently… it was torture," he says. "I don't think I've _ever_ been so unhappy," he adds. "I was lonely and I was missing you and I was so sick of being miserable… if I couldn't be with you, then I needed to move on, you know? I mean, I just wanted to feel better… to be happy," he tells her, pleading with her to understand.

"And she made you happy?" She inquires, her voice soft and unsure.

"I wanted her to… I thought she would," he replies. "I just thought… I thought that if I spent enough time _pretending_ I was happy… eventually I would be," he explains. "There's really no reason she shouldn't make me happy… she's… she's great," he shrugs. "But she just doesn't… because she's not you."

"Sam, I don't even know what to say to that," she tells him, shoving her hands in her pockets.

"I know," he sighs, running his fingers through his hair. "I know I just sprang this on you… I should've waited until after I ended things with Marlo… I should've planned it out better… I'm sorry," he apologizes. "It's just… today, you know?" He says, hoping she understands what he's trying to say.

"Yeah," she responds. "I get it."

"But, I don't want you to think that all of this is _just_ about today," he says. "I mean, I've _known_ … I've known for a while… I just kept hoping it would go away," he explains. "I've been trying so hard to ignore it… to forget… but after today… working that case, I was feeling so shitty and then… then, you… suddenly it was like all of that stress just melted away," he tells her. "And I just realized that I don't _want_ to forget, I don't want to ignore it… and even if I did want to… there's no way I could," he admits.

"Sam…" she begins. Although, she doesn't have the words to follow it up.

"Four years we've known each other… four years… and I've spent all of them wanting to be with you," he confesses, once he realizes that she has nothing else to say. "And I really don't see that changing," he says. "I mean… I've spent the past eight months trying not to be in love with you… really, _really_ trying," he asserts. "But… I still am," he admits. "I'm still completely in love with you."

And well, not for the first time tonight, she's completely speechless.

He's just staring at her, waiting for her to speak, but even if she did have the words, she's not sure she'd actually be able to get them out.

Letting out a sigh, he runs his fingers through his hair. "Am I… am I wasting my breath here?" He wonders, his eyes locking on hers.

As she slowly exhales, she finally seems to have the words. "No," she says with a slight shake of her head.

"No?" He asks, his eyes widening in surprise. "Really?"

"Sam, this is everything I've wanted to hear for the past eight months," she admits. "But you _broke_ my heart… completely shattered it, actually," she says. "So, I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't terrified… I mean, what if something bad happens again? Are you gonna shut me out? Are you gonna push me away? Will we will end up right back here someday?" She questions.

"Andy, I promise you, I will _never_ make that mistake again," he implores. "No matter what happens, I just… I _need_ you in my life," he implores. "And I'm done pretending otherwise."

The seconds tick by as she just stares at him, seemingly mulling over his words. Meanwhile, he's desperately trying to read her thoughts, trying to figure whether she'll actually be willing to give them another shot.

But then, she starts to nibble on her bottom lip and slowly nod her head. "Okay," she says.

"Okay?" He asks, hoping it means what he thinks it does.

"Okay," she repeats. "I'm willing to give this another chance," she tells him.

"Yeah?" He says, not even bothering to tame down the grin on his face.

"Yeah, but Sam… if we're gonna do this again, I _need_ you to talk to me… I need to know what's going on in your head… you can't shut me out, okay?" She advises. "I mean… if you just need some space or something, that's okay, you just need to tell me… but, we _need_ to communicate," she implores.

"Andy, I don't _ever_ want space from you again," he says placing his hands on her shoulders to get her attention.

"Okay," she smiles as the two of them just stand there, beaming at each other.

"Okay well… then I guess I have something I need to do," he says, reluctantly taking a step back from her before he gives into the urge to push her against the nearby wall and kiss her until they're both out of breath.

"Right," she says, nodding her head. "Do you want to come over when you're done?" She asks.

"Yeah," he confirms, a smile touching his lips. "I'll uh… I'll drop you off at your place and then, I'll call you when I'm done?" He proposes.

"Okay," she says, smiling back at him.

==============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==============

Waiting for Sam to call is more torturous than she could've imagined. The whole thing is taking much longer than she ever would've thought and it's making her go a bit crazy.

As the minutes slowly tick by, hundreds of thoughts swirl around in her head. What could possibly be taking so long? What are they talking about? Maybe they aren't even talking… maybe they're saying goodbye in another way… a way Andy does not _ever_ want to think about.

Or maybe they aren't saying goodbye at all. Maybe he's changed his mind?

God, she hopes not.

But as one hour becomes two, her anxiety gets to a whole other level. That's about the time she decides that she needs to _stop_ thinking so much.

So, she turns on some music and starts to clean.

First, she throws a load of laundry in the washing machine. And then she washes the dishes that have piled up in the sink. And then she moves on to cleaning out her refrigerator. And then, she sweeps and mops her kitchen floor.

And after that, it's almost nine o'clock and she's a hot, sweaty mess. So, she takes a nice, hot shower in an effort to clear her mind.

She washes her hair, shaves her legs and stands under the hot water just zoning out until it finally turns cold. And after she changes into her pajamas and brushes her hair, her phone finally starts to ring.

She's almost afraid to answer it, unsure if he's going to tell her something she doesn't want to hear. But eventually, she wills herself to pick up the phone.

"Hey," she says after bringing the phone to her ear.

"Hey," he replies. "Is it still okay if I come over?" He asks, as she hears him shut his car door and turn the key in the ignition.

"Yeah, come over," she confirms as relief radiates throughout her entire body.

"Okay, I'll be there in ten," he tells her.

"See you soon," she replies before hanging up the phone.

And well, she's not sure how it's possible, but she's even more anxious than before.

==============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==============

"Hey," he greets her about ten minutes later, when she opens her front door to find him standing there. "Were you going to bed?" He asks as he notices her pajamas, while also trying _not_ to notice the fact that she's braless.

"Oh uh… no, I just… I got bored waiting for you and decided to take a shower," she explains as she glances down at herself.

"Oh," he says. "Sorry it took a while… I didn't think I'd be gone that long," he apologizes.

"It's okay," she assures him. "Come on in," she says, when she realizes that he's still standing outside.

"Thanks," he says with a smile before he follows her inside. As she shuts the door behind him, he glances around her condo. It's been quite a while since he's been here and while it pretty much looks the same as last time, it also seems kind of different. Although, he can't quite pinpoint how.

"You wanna sit?" She wonders as she gestures towards the couch.

"Sure," he agrees as they make their way across the room and each sit down.

"So uh… how'd it go?" Andy wonders as she fidgets with the string of her pajama pants.

"She was angry," he admits. "But not surprised," he adds.

"No?" Andy responds, glancing up to meet his eyes.

"No," he shakes his head. "Apparently I wasn't being very discrete," he tells her.

"Oh."

"Yeah," he responds as he nervously drums his fingers on his knee.

"So… what now?" She wonders after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Well…" he begins. "Now, I'm really hoping that you and I can just start over," he suggests.

"Okay," she says as a smile slowly appears on her lips. "I can do that," she decides.

"Yeah?" he questions as his smile mirrors hers.

"Yeah," she confirms. "But uh… how do we start?" She grins as she repeats his words from the last time they were sitting on her couch hoping to start over.

Picking up on her intent, he lets out a laugh. "If I remember correctly, I think it was like… this," he says as he slowly pulls her into a kiss.

As her lips curve into a smile, she continues to kiss him while climbing onto his lap. And as her arms slip around his neck and his hands land on her waist, it's suddenly like they spent no time apart at all. It's as if they've been doing nothing but this for the past eight months.

"God, do you have any idea how much I've missed you?" He asks in between kisses, after a few minutes go by.

"Tell me," she smiles.

At that, he pulls back to meet her eyes as a smile graces his lips. "More than I could ever put into words," he promises.

"I think I know what that's like," she tells him.

"Yeah?" He asks, as his fingers run through her hair.

"Yeah," she confirms. "I really missed you, too," she says.

"Andy, I… I love you," he declares as an adoring smile touches his lips.

"I love you, too," she promises.

As his hands slowly explore her body, he takes a moment to just stare at her, taking in every inch, while she smiles back at him. "You and me… this time it's going to work," he says, confidently. "We're gonna make sure it does," he assures her.

"Promise?" She asks.

"Promise."

==============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==============

So…. thoughts?


	19. Suspended (M)

Hey guys,

I know, I'm the worst. I've been terrible about updating lately. Believe it or not, this trial is STILL going on. Although I'm not working the crazy hours I was over the summer, it's still consuming way too much of my time. Plus, I've just been kind of stuck and it's making it hard to get motivated to write. I started writing some stuff for another fandom to try and get the creative juices flowing. (IDK if anyone here watches Suits, but I'll probably post something in the next couple weeks). Anyway, I guess it somewhat worked because I came up with this. And lucky for you guys, I have strep throat and couldn't go out tonight because I haven't been on antibiotics for twenty four hours yet.

I'll stop rambling now…

Hope you guys like this!

Oh and it's slightly AU so bare with me.

=========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==========

There's a moment where he thinks she isn't going to get in his truck – she's going to tell him that it was a mistake, that they will never be normal and that they should just go back to being friends.

It's a long, harrowing moment where his heart may have stopped.

But then she gives him a small smile and opens his passenger door and he can breathe again.

He offers her a smile in return and when he pulls his truck back onto the road, he's truly happy for the first time since he woke up next to her in the cover apartment this morning.

But then several minutes go by and she hasn't said a word and he's suddenly getting nervous again. He can tell her mind is on overdrive and he can only imagine what she's thinking. He wants to say something. He wants to say so many things, really. He's just really not sure where to begin.

And while he's still trying to figure it out, she turns to him and asks, "can you take me to Traci's?"

He can't help but shoot her a look when she does. He's not sure what it says exactly, but she obviously reads it pretty well, because seconds later, she's explaining herself. "I just wanna pick up a few things… clothes and stuff," she clarifies.

"Oh… yeah, okay," he agrees, nodding his head in agreement.

And then, they're back to silence. And he still doesn't know what to say. So, he just grabs her hand and squeezes it. And when she squeezes back, he feels infinitely better about the silence.

But still, he just wants to know what she's thinking. Everything that happened today… everything that's happened in the past _few_ days… and he just has no idea how she feels about any of it. So, he lets a few more minutes of silence go by before he just can't stand it anymore.

"Andy…" he begins, just hoping to pull her out of her head and maybe get her to say _something_.

"Sam, I'm _so_ sorry," she blurts out before he even has a chance to finish his thought. "This is all my fault," she tells him as she shakes her head while staring down at her lap. "I blew your cover _again_ … and I almost got you _killed_ … I never should've asked you to let me stay, I never should've come back to see you at the bar," she rambles on.

She's on a roll now and he can't exactly see her face in the dark, but he's pretty sure there are tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Andy, stop," he tells her as he pulls the truck into an empty gas station parking lot. He just needs to look in her eyes, get his hands on her – something.

"Sam…" she says, still silently shaking her head and shutting her eyes, refusing to look at him.

That's when he reaches over and cups her hand in both of his. "Hey, look at me," he tells her, softly as he gently tugs on her hand to get her to glance in his direction.

She takes a deep breath as if she's silently preparing herself for what she's about to see in his eyes, and then she finally opens them and meets his gaze.

"Everything that happened between us… I don't regret _any_ of it, okay?" He tells her, willing her to believe his words. "Yeah, it was stupid and risky, but I wouldn't change it," he promises. "And even though it was stupid and risky, my cover wasn't blown because of anything _either_ of us did," he continues. "It was Boyd. This is _his_ fault. Not yours. Not mine. _His_ ," he conveys.

"What?" She asks as a single tear slides down her cheek.

Before he can even think to explain, he is compelled to reach out and wipe away her tears with his thumb.

"God's Good Grace… my boat. Turns out it was seized in a high profile drug raid and Boyd didn't change the name… the second I mentioned it to Brennan, my cover was blown," Sam explains. "And even then, he _still_ thought you were Candace from Wisconsin," he reminds her. "If he didn't, you would've been in that cabin with me… or worse," he says, a shiver running down his spine at the thought. "Andy, if it wasn't for you, I'd still be in that cabin… nobody would've known to come looking for me. You're the _only_ reason I'm sitting here right now, okay?" He implores.

Letting out a shaky breath, she quickly lunges across the truck and wraps her arms around Sam's neck, careful not to hurt him. "Sam, I was so scared," she tells him as she buries her face in his neck while he immediately wraps his arms around her, trying to be cautious with his newly-braced wrist.

He can feel the tears coming again- all wet and hot against his skin- and it just breaks his heart. He's never seen her cry before. Not when she killed someone, not when her fiancé cheated on her, not when her father was a murder suspect and not even when she was almost killed in a storage locker. "I was so scared I would never see you again," she murmurs into his skin.

"I know, I know," he says as one of his hands soothingly runs up and down her back. "But I'm okay. We're both okay," he comforts her.

He's not sure how long they stay like that – holding each other in the empty gas station parking lot as the snow starts to accumulate on his windshield, but eventually, she pulls away and uses her sweatshirt to wipe at her eyes.

"I'm so glad you're okay," she tells him.

"Me too," he agrees.

She nods her head and wipes at her eyes some more as she glances out the window at the snow.

"Ready?" He asks, in case she'd rather sit here and talk.

"Yeah," she replies. "But… can we pick up some food?" She asks. "I'm starving."

He lets out a laugh. "Sure."

=========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==========

About forty-five minutes later, she is unpacking the take out containers onto the kitchen table while he goes to quickly check his messages.

And it's a minute later, when she looks up at him and sees him standing there with his phone to his ear and his mouth dropped open a bit.

"Shit," she says, not meaning to say it out loud. But, the message must already be over because he's hanging up the phone and just staring at her for a second. "Umm…" she says, not sure how to follow it up.

"I got your message," he says, waving the phone in the air.

"Yeah… I um…" she begins as she starts to become nervous and fidgety.

After tossing his phone on the kitchen counter, he makes his way over to her, gets his hands on her waist and pulls her towards him. "I wish I would've gotten it before," he admits.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he confirms with a nod. "I never would've left."

"Really?"

"Mhm," he says before leaning in for a kiss. While it certainly starts off slow, it doesn't take long for things to get heated between them and when he starts trying to push her shirt up her body, she finally pulls away.

"Sam, c'mon, let's just eat and go to bed… you've had a long day and… and I don't want to hurt you," she explains.

"You're not gonna hurt me, McNally," he promises as he kisses her neck.

"Sam…" she argues.

"Andy, I'm fine," he murmurs against her skin.

"No, you aren't," she retorts.

"I'm fine enough," he promises.

After letting out a sigh, she starts to unbuckle his belt.

Sure that he's won, he can't stop the smile from spreading across his face as she walks him backwards until the back of his knees are hitting the couch cushions. Then, she unzips and unbuttons his jeans and pushes them down his legs until he can step out of them.

"Sit," she tells him as she pushes at his chest.

So, he does.

But instead of climbing on his lap like he was expecting her to do, she gets on her knees and settles herself right in between his legs.

"What are you-" he begins to ask, but he loses his voice when she starts stroking him. "Andy, come here," he says when he can finally form words.

"No," she replies as she squeezes him a little tighter, causing him to groan.

"Andy, you don't have to-"

"I _want_ to," she assures him with a smile. "Just… just let me. Please?" She asks. But before he can even respond, she's taking him completely in her mouth.

"Christ," he spits out as he closes his eyes and tries to compose himself. He feels her smile around him and it's a bit surreal. A few hours ago, he thought he'd never see her again and now she's here, in his house, with her mouth wrapped around him.

It's just making his head spin a bit.

When he finally chances opening his eyes, she's staring right at him as she goes up and down on him. "Fuck," he whispers, as he watches her. He pushes some hair out of her face and runs his fingertips along her jaw. "Andy…" he says, shaking his head slightly and in complete disbelief. Of all the things they did at the cover apartment, they never did this, and doing it now… it's… yeah… he doesn't really have the words.

He continues to watch her for a few more minutes before it just becomes too much. "Andy, come here," he tells her as he tugs on her arm.

She shakes her head slightly and mumbles, "No," while he's still in her mouth. And when they lock eyes and she starts to suck on him a little harder, his whole body starts to feel warm.

"Andy," he pleads, but she squeezes him a bit and it comes out more like a groan.

That's when she slips him out of her mouth and simply strokes him with her hand. "Why can't you ever just let _me_ do something for _you_?" She asks, playfully.

Her words are just making him dizzy and he's feeling all kinds of out of control. And then there's the look in her eyes. It's like she's pleading with him to just let her do this and he's not sure what it means exactly, but he doesn't have much time to figure it out because seconds later, she's taking him in her mouth again.

"Shit," he groans as she uses her free hand to grab his and interlock their fingers. She squeezes it and then starts to stroke the back of his palm with her thumb like she's trying to calm him down or comfort him and it's… working.

"God, Andy," he says as he runs his fingers through her hair and just watches her, completely in awe of what's happening right now. All the time he spent wanting her and now… he's still not completely sure that this isn't all just some dream.

Now, her eyes have connected with his again and she's smiling at him while giving his hand another squeeze. And then she runs her tongue around his tip while stroking him a bit harder and never taking her eyes off of him.

"Fuck," he spits out, again, as he shuts his eyes for a second to try and get it together. But when he opens them soon after, she's still staring up at him while she sucks on his head and then takes the rest of him in her mouth. She starts developing the perfect rhythm with her lips following her hand and he feels it all building up in his spine. He's gripping the corner of the couch cushion with one hand and squeezing her hand with the other.

And then she starts to suck and hum and squeeze all at the same time and it's only another minute or two before he's completely gone over the edge.

She keeps going until he's all the way through and then she licks him clean, releases him from her mouth and shoots him a big smile. "See, was that so difficult?" She asks, obviously very pleased with herself as she puts him back inside his boxers.

He laughs and playfully shakes his head at her, still in disbelief over everything that just happened.

Then, when she stands up and tries to let go of his hand, he tugs her closer, attempting to get her on his lap. " _Now_ will you come here?" He asks.

"Why?" She asks him suspiciously.

"So I can return the favor," he replies with a smirk and a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Sam… you were literally _tortured_ today. You need to heal," she reminds him, as if he's forgotten.

"Andy, I can do this without falling apart," he assures her with a frown. "C'mon… let me," he says, borrowing her earlier words.

"How about you just owe me one?" She offers.

"Seriously?" He asks as he stands up, getting both hands on her waist and giving her all sorts of eye brow.

" _Yes_ … Sam, I really just want to eat and go to bed. I'm exhausted," she explains.

For the next ten seconds, they just stand there, staring at each other. He's giving her this look – furrowed brows, squinty eyes and a slightly wrinkled forehead. It's like he's trying to figure her out.

"Sam, c'mon," she encourages as she starts to pull him over to the kitchen.

"Alright…" he eventually agrees, but with some obvious reluctance.

"Good, now let's go eat," she proposes as she continues to lead him to the food still sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Hey, wait," he says as he tugs her back towards him. Then, he gets both hands on her face and pulls her in for a quick kiss. He can feel the smile briefly touch her lips before she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him closer. And they eventually part, that smile has reappeared and he can't help but mirror it. "Okay, _now_ let's go eat," he tells her before leading her into the kitchen.

=========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==========

It's a little over an hour later when Andy and Sam decide to make their way upstairs for bed. Andy is changing into the pajamas she brought over when she notices Sam grab a t-shirt and sweatpants and head towards the bathroom.

"Wouldn't have made you for shy," she quips when he's just about stepped through the threshold of the bathroom.

He turns towards her and she can see that he's chewing on the inside of his cheek, trying to come up with some excuse for why he doesn't want to change in front of her, even though they both know the real reason.

"Let me see," she requests as she walks over to him.

"Andy…" he says with a shake of his head, as if he's silently pleading with her not to push the issue.

"Sam, _please_ ," she implores. "I need to," she tells him as she takes the t-shirt and sweatpants from him and places them on the bathroom counter. Then, instead of waiting for his permission, she slowly begins lifting his shirt.

"Andy," Sam says as he puts a hand over hers in an effort to stop her progression.

" _Sam_ ," she pleads.

He is clearly reluctant, but eventually he blows out a breath, apparently willing to give in. "It's… it's not as bad as it looks," he promises before he releases her hand.

"I doubt that," she retorts as she continues to slowly help him out of his shirt. When she drops it on the ground, she lets out a shaky breath as she gets a good look at his bruise-covered chest. "God, _Sam_ ," she says as she nibbles on her bottom lip and her eyes start to well up.

"Hey, I'm okay," he promises as he runs his hands up and down her arms. "It's just a few bruises, I'll be fine," he assures her.

"That's way more than a _few_ bruises," she argues. "And don't forget about the rib contusions and the sprained wrist," she reminds him.

"The ribs will heal in a week and the wrist will be fine in two… It could've been a lot worse," he replies.

"Oh that makes me feel _so_ much better," she tells him with the sarcasm practically dripping from her words.

"Hey, we're both okay. That's all that matters," he reminds her.

"I know, it's just… you almost weren't," she says.

"I know, but… I _am_ ," he tells her before pulling her close.

She lets out a heavy sigh before peering up at him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm just… I'm just really glad you're okay," she tells him, for the second time, as she stands on her toes in an effort to get closer to him.

"Me to… I'm glad we're _both_ okay," he responds.

"Yeah," she agrees before leaning in for another kiss as they momentarily get lost in each other.

=========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==========

It's a week into their suspension and Andy is still refusing to leave his side. It's as if she's convinced that he'll completely fall apart if she isn't within earshot of him at all times.

And it's not as if he minds. He really likes having her around.

But he does feel a little guilty that she's kind of living out of a duffle bag and she hasn't been to Traci's since they stopped there on the way to his place so she could pick up said duffle bag.

And if he's being honest, he's sort of sick of the kid gloves.

Yes, it was nice for the first couple days. She made him dinner and didn't fight him for the remote. She even brought him breakfast in bed once. And he _thoroughly_ enjoyed how she's helped him in the shower each morning. Yeah, it was nice.

But he definitely doesn't love the constant hovering or the ever present look of worry and guilt in her eyes.

And she won't let him _do_ anything.

She won't let him vacuum or do a load of laundry or even wash a dish. It's not that he _wants_ to wash dishes or vacuum or do laundry, but he hates the fact that _she's_ doing it for him. He doesn't like feeling useless and he definitely doesn't like feeling like she's his maid.

To make matters worse, she refuses to have sex with him until he's healed. And he's thrown everything at her, trying to tempt her, but to his surprise, she's actually standing her ground.

To be honest, it's actually kind of a blow to his ego.

He was pretty sure he could convince her to change her mind, but she's being completely stubborn about this and so yeah, he's pretty frustrated by the whole thing.

As much as he loves having her here, it's getting to be a bit difficult.

Since she's living out of her duffle bag, she's been borrowing some of his clothes. And watching her flit around his kitchen wearing nothing but one of his t-shirts, but not being able to _do_ anything about it… sucks. How is he supposed to restrain himself when she's walking around looking like that?

So yeah, he's having a hard time.

And it's not that he wants her to leave. God no, he definitely doesn't want that.

He just wishes she would stop treating him like he's going to break if she so much as touches him. Even when she kisses him, it's a quick peck. What does she think is going to happen if she gives him an actual kiss?

He knows that she's just scared… he gets that. Truly, he does. But he just wants everything to go back to normal… or at least what passes for normal when it comes to them. This whole thing is like some kind of cosmic joke. She finally wants to be with him, but she won't actually _be_ with him.

He just wants to kiss her for real. He wants them to make dinner _together_. He wants to look in her eyes and not see how unbelievably terrified she is. He wants to pick her up and carry her to his bed without her freaking out that he's going to hurt himself.

And he just can't help but wonder how much longer she's going to treat him this way. Or how much longer he'll be able to put up with it.

=========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==========

He knows she has good intentions, so he's been trying to just wait it out. He doesn't want to sound ungrateful and he definitely doesn't want to start a fight and make her leave, so he's stayed quiet.

But on the fifteenth day of their suspension, he's just had enough.

"Andy, I just can't do this anymore," he declares one afternoon, after she grabs the mop out of his hands and tells him to go watch TV.

But, as soon as the words leave his mouth, she immediately whips her head around to look at him with a horrified expression of her face. " _What_?" She asks.

"You… you treating me this way. I've just… I've had enough," he clarifies. When she starts to formulate her response, he closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, effectively shutting her up. "Look, I know you're just trying to help and I _do_ appreciate it, I really do," he promises. "And you _have_ been helping… everything you've been doing, it… it means a lot to me that you're willing to do all of it, but I don't need you to wash my sheets or make my bed or mop my floors… I'm okay. My wrist is still sprained and I'm a little sore, but I'm okay. And you doing all of these things and refusing to let me help, it just… it makes me feel useless and fragile and just… shitty… Look, just you being here helps, okay? All I need from you is to just be here… and if I need anything else, I promise I'll ask," he tells her.

She is silent for a minute and he's trying to gauge her reaction. Is she going to yell? Is she going to cry? Is she going to bolt? He's not sure.

But instead, she simply nods her head and says "okay."

"Okay?" He repeats because he's completely shocked that she's given in so easily. He was expecting much more of a fight.

"Yes, okay… I get it. I don't want you to feel useless, Sam," she tells him.

"Okay… thank you," he replies, still a bit surprised by her reaction. "Now… does that mean you'll actually let me kiss you now?" He asks with a smile as he inches closer.

She grins at him, wraps her arms around his neck and presses her lips against his in a passionate kiss.

"I really missed that," he tells her as he rests his forehead on hers.

"Me too," she agrees.

"I also miss other things," he says with a smile as his fingers slip under the hem of her shirt.

"Sam!" she squeals. "C'mon, you're still healing," she reminds him.

"Andy, I'm pretty sure I can have sex with you without killing myself. _More_ than pretty sure, actually," he tells her as he pushes her hair off her shoulder and starts nipping at her neck in that way he remembers her really liking at the cover apartment.

" _Sam_ ," she argues, but it's already become half-hearted. He can feel her giving in and he can't help the smile that slips from his lips.

"C'mon," he says as his hands slowly graze the skin under her shirt.

"Ugh. Fine. But I'm on top," she orders.

He laughs. "I think I can live with that," he tells her.

Yeah, he can definitely live with that.

=========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==========

"Okay, I should probably head over to Traci's," she declares one morning, about three weeks into their suspension.

"What? Why?"

"Uh… well, I mean, I haven't been there in forever… and I need to do laundry _really_ badly," she tells him.

"You can do your laundry here," he offers.

"I know, but… I mean, you're healing. You don't need me to take care of you anymore," she reminds him.

"Oh, so that's the only reason you've been staying here? To take care of me?" He asks, trying to mask his true feelings about that.

"No, of course not," she assures him.

"So stay," he proposes with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Sam, this… this _isn't_ normal… spending so much time together… you're gonna get sick of me always being here, invading your space… and I really don't want that to happen," she explains.

"Andy, that won't happen," he assures her. "I like you being here. I _want_ you to be here," he tells her.

"Really?" She questions. "You're sure?"

"More than sure," he tells her. "I wouldn't ask you to stay if I wasn't," he adds.

"Okay…" she agrees, although she's still eyeing him a bit suspiciously.

"I mean it," he assures her. "If you want to spend every second here for the next three months, I'm more than okay with that," he promises. "But uh… if you… if this is you just not knowing how to ask for some space, then… that's okay, too… I don't want you to get sick of me either," he tells her.

The truth is, every morning he wakes up with her still in his arms, he's somewhat surprised. He's still waiting for her to panic and run from all of this.

Sometimes, he even wishes he could pick Callahan's brain on the matter… try to figure out how he eventually got her to stop running. But, obviously that's not going to happen.

It's just that, now that he has her, the idea of not having her is all the more terrifying.

So yeah, as much as he would hate it, if she wants some space, if she wants to spend a couple nights apart… he'll pretend to be okay with it.

Because above all else, he just wants this work.

He wants her to be his and he wants to be hers… for the foreseeable future… and even beyond that.

So, even though he never wants her to leave his side, he'll let her go if he needs to… as long as it's only temporary.

"No, that's not what this is," she assures him, much to his relief.

"You sure?" He questions, wanting to be sure.

"Yeah," she confirms. "The last thing I want to do is leave," she promises. "I just… I _really_ want this to work, you know?" She asks, tilting her chin to catch his gaze. "And I guess I just worry that I'll do something to fuck it up," she confesses.

Maybe it's weird, but her admission… it calms him. It makes him feel like it really _could_ work out between them. The fact that they both have the same concerns… the same fears… he's relieved that it's not just him.

Because, at least they are in this together.

"Hey, you and me… we _are_ gonna work, okay?" he tells her as he pushes a lock of hair behind her ear. "And if and when one of us makes a mistake… we'll talk and we'll figure it out together, right?" He says.

Smiling up at him, she nods her head in agreement. "Right," she confirms.

"Okay, so… you need some help with that laundry of yours?" He asks with a smile.

"Hm… maybe later," she grins before standing on her toes and pulling him in for a kiss.

=========COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==========

I'm not thrilled with the ending, but whatever. I debated just deleting that last scene and ending it at the one prior, but ultimately I just figured, if you don't like the last scene, you can pretend I ended it earlier lol.

Anyway, if you guys want some more chapters from me, I REALLY need some ideas, especially for Rewritten. I have like two half chapters drafted, but not enough to post. So toss any ideas you have my way


	20. Remedies (K)

If season four wasn't complete torture, I feel like this would've happened by episode six…

==============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==============

He just… he thought all of these feelings would go away.

He figured that he just needed to give it some time and then, eventually, he'd stop missing her so damn much; he'd stop thinking about her all the time; and he'd stop being so in love with her.

But apparently, that's not happening.

It's been almost a year and all of those feelings are still there, just as strong as ever.

Truthfully, it's gotten even worse since she came back. Seeing her every day, talking to her, working with her… he just can't forget how badly he wants her… no matter how hard he tries.

He's been desperately trying to push her out of his mind by putting all of his energy into Marlo. When he has one of those nights where he misses Andy more than he can possibly put into words, he tells Marlo that he misses her, instead. When he wishes Andy was coming home with him, he invites Marlo to stay over. When he dreams of Andy being wrapped up in his arms, he pulls Marlo closer.

He knows it's wrong. He really does.

And he feels guilty. _Really_ guilty.

He's thought about breaking up with her a lot, especially these last few weeks. He honestly doesn't know why he hasn't.

Maybe he's just being selfish… or maybe he's just trying to protect himself… or maybe both.

The thing is, if he thought there was a chance Andy would take him back, he'd go to her in a heartbeat. But he just fucked everything up so badly that he's pretty sure it's beyond repair.

But if he wasn't with Marlo, he has a feeling he'd go to her anyway. He's fairly certain that he would beg for her forgiveness and tell her all of these things that she doesn't want to hear. And she would tell him that it's really over between them… for good.

And he would be even more heartbroken than the last time he lost her.

So, maybe Marlo is just his way of ensuring that he doesn't go to her and bear it all, only to have her shut him down again. Because at least this way, he still has a speck of hope that they'll work it out someday.

And yeah, he knows how fucked up that is. And no, he doesn't feel great about it.

==============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==============

He's felt nauseous all day. And his head is pounding.

He just feels like shit. And the cause of all this is not lost on him.

As much as he'd like to pretend otherwise, he knows that it all started this morning with Detective Daniels.

He's been working with them for the past two shifts, hoping to connect a string of recent bodega robberies to crimes that happened last month in 27 division. He's a nice enough guy and he appears to be a good detective, but now he's apparently taken a liking to Andy and that obviously doesn't sit right with Sam.

This morning, when he saw them talking in parade, he instantly felt sick. Andy was laughing at something he said, and he was just beaming at her.

And in an instant, that tiny bit of hope he's been holding onto for the past year, started to slowly disappear.

For the rest of the day, he kept an eye on them. Of course, Daniels requested Andy work with the D's today, so he unfortunately got to see a lot of them both. And it really didn't get much better as the day went on.

It was obvious that Daniels wanted her and Andy wasn't doing much to dissuade him, which only made Sam feel worse and worse. Eventually, it got to the point where he just had to get away, so he volunteered to interview some witnesses and spent as much time as possible out of the barn.

But now, it's after shift and he's at the Penny and he can't help but notice that they're sitting together and talking and obviously enjoying each other's company. So, once again, he's feeling sick.

Yeah, he has to leave.

As he makes his way out of the bar, he tries his best not to attract any attention. And once he gets into his truck, he's not sure what to do.

He's closing his eyes and massaging his temples in hopes of alleviating his pounding headache, but it's seriously not working.

He _really_ does not feel well. He's got this lump in his throat and this blinding headache is making it hard to think straight.

It's like he's having déjà vu. Sitting in his truck, in the parking lot of the Penny, massaging his temples like this. He's felt all of this before… three times before.

The first time was after he watched her leave the Penny with Callahan, the two of them going up to his fishing cabin. After everything that happened during the blackout, he had really been looking forward to Andy's return, so sure that something was brewing between them. But then, finding out that it was all in his head… yeah, that was not a great night.

The second time was the night he made the worst decision of his life. The night he walked away from the best thing that ever happened to him. The night he fucked everything up between them.

The third time was after he told her he loved her. After he confessed his feelings and begged her to give him a second chance or at least let him buy her a drink. That was the night he waited for her until two o'clock in the morning, just sitting at the bar, staring into his drink, and glancing at the door each and every time it opened only to be disappointed that it wasn't her walking through it.

Yeah, this is exactly the way he felt back then.

==============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==============

It's probably ten minutes later when the sound of his phone ringing shakes him out of his haze. He's disoriented at first, but after some fumbling around, he finds his phone.

It's Marlo.

And the feeling that courses through him when he sees her name on the caller ID… well, he knows exactly what he has to do.

He should have done it so long ago. If he was a better person, he would have.

If he wasn't so self-destructive, he never would've started something with her in the first place.

He's not even sure why he did. Although, if he had to guess, he'd say that it was probably just a lame attempt at trying to feel better and forget about Andy.

Too bad it didn't work.

Although, he's not even sure that he actually expected it to.

For the almost four years he's known Andy, he's spent at least three of them trying not to be in love with her. What would make him think that he'd suddenly be able to do something about that now?

Yeah, he knew this was never going to work.

So, he takes a deep breath, starts his truck and drives over to Marlo's.

==============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==============

The ironic thing is, she wasn't even surprised. Not in the slightest.

She was completely expecting it. She said that she had been expecting it ever since Andy came back.

Although, if that's true, he wonders why on earth she stayed with him this long.

Maybe she was using him, too.

That thought actually makes him feel a little better… like he doesn't have to carry around as much guilt as he has been.

But now, it's over and he's back in his truck and he doesn't know where to go or what to do.

Except that, he kind of does.

He spends less than a minute trying to talk himself out of it. He would've tried harder, but the truth is, he didn't really want to. In the end, he knows he'd spend much more time talking himself back into it.

He tells himself that maybe the closure will be good for him, maybe it will help him move on… but in reality, it's just his way of making up an excuse to go see her, because it's really all he wants to do. Even if it doesn't end the way he wants.

Ten minutes later, he's knocking on her door. It's around midnight and he's not sure if she's still at the Penny or maybe she's asleep… or maybe she's with Daniels.

That thought makes him gag a little.

Seconds later, when he hears her footsteps inching towards the door, he's not sure if he should be relieved or completely terrified. Maybe a little of both?

"Uhh… Sam, hi…" she greets him, obviously surprised by his appearance at her door, so late at night. "Everything okay?" She asks, when she sees the stress written all over his face.

"You alone?" He inquires, as he tries to sneak a peek over her shoulder.

She furrows her eyebrows and gives him this look that says he's definitely being a little weird. "Yeah, I'm alone… what's up?" She questions.

"Can we talk?" He asks.

"Um… sure," she agrees with a nod, before stepping aside and gesturing for him to come in. "What's going on?" She inquires after she shuts the door behind him.

"I uh… I just… I wanted… I need to talk to you," he responds.

"You're kind of freaking me out. Is everything okay? Did something happen?" She probes.

"I… I broke up with Marlo," he explains, completely unsure where he's supposed to begin. Yeah, he probably should've thought this through a little bit more.

"Oh… um… I'm… sorry?" She says, more than a little confused at the direction this conversation is going.

"I'm not," Sam shrug, locking his eyes on hers. "It was never going to work," he explains.

"Why not?" She wonders, tilting her head and giving him a questioning look.

Sam takes a deep breath and tries to mentally prepare himself for what he's about to say. He knows that this could go _really_ wrong, but he just needs to say it. "Because… because I'm still in love with you," he confesses. And the second the words leave his lips, it's like this huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He's been trying so hard to hide his feelings, keep them buried inside so no one can see, and now that it's out there, he feels… free.

"Uh… _what_?" She says, absolutely stunned.

"I love you," he repeats, as he meets her eyes and tries to convey just how much he means what he's saying. "I never stopped… I _can't_ stop, no matter how hard I try… I… I love you, Andy," he declares. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me and… and I know I screwed everything up between us and I know I don't deserve a second chance… God knows I probably didn't even deserve the first one, but I… I guess I just… I just needed you to know how I feel… how I've _been_ feeling," he adds.

"I… I don't know what to say," she admits, still stunned beyond belief.

He blows out a defeated breath at her words. "You don't have to say anything," he assures her. "I knew full well how this would probably end… I just needed to tell you, you know?" He explains as he briefly glances up at her. "There's just so many things that I didn't say before, that I wish I had and… well, I really didn't want to add one more to the list," he tells her. "But I get it… you don't feel the same way," he assumes.

"Sam…" she says, her voice raw with emotion. "Of _course_ I still love you," she declares.

And yeah, now he's a bit stunned.

"Yeah?" He asks, his eyes wide with residual surprise.

" _Yes_ ," She confirms with a nod. "I mean… everything we've been through… the past four years… it's not something I can just forget about," she tells him. "But what you did... you promised to fight for us and then… you just gave up… you refused to talk to me and you completely shut me out… you _broke_ my heart… and… and then you just moved on like I meant nothing to you," she continues as she her eyes begin to well up. "While I was away, I missed you _so_ much… I thought about you all the time and all I wanted to do was go back and meet you at the Penny that night instead of leaving… and when I finally got home, I really thought we'd be able to work things out, but… but, you were with _her_ … all those months I spent away, you were all I could think about and you… you had just moved on so easily… it _really_ hurt," she admits.

"Andy, it _wasn't_ easy and I _didn't_ move on," he exclaims, his voice laced with desperation. "When you left… I've never been so miserable in my entire life… I missed you so much and I hated myself for everything I did… for ruining the absolute best thing in my life," he assures her. "And then… Marlo… I was just trying to get over you… to stop being so unhappy… it had been four months and I… God, if I thought there was even a chance that you'd want to try to work things out when you came back… I would've waited for you… I would've waited as long as it took," he promises as he silently berates himself for being such an idiot.

And yeah, it's definitely not for the first time.

"Sam, I just… I don't know what we're supposed to do now," she says with a sigh.

"Andy, I'll do anything to make this work," he vows. "I'll do whatever it takes."

"Sam… do you even know what that _means_?" She asks before blowing out a breath in an attempt to calm herself. "Look, I don't want to make it sound like everything that happened between us was your fault, I know that I made mistakes, too… but you were always such a mystery," she remarks. "Sometimes I felt like I barely knew anything about you… I mean, you never talked about your family or your childhood or really anything that happened before you became a cop," she points out. "And I just… I never knew how you were feeling or… or what you were thinking from one minute to the next," she adds. "So… if we are ever going to work… you'd need to let me in… you'd need to _talk_ to me… even when it's difficult," she tells him. "I just… I can't go through life constantly trying to guess what's going on in your head… I just can't," she declares.

"Okay," he says with a nod.

"Okay? Really?" She questions, clearly a bit skeptical.

"Yeah," he agrees with a nod, as he takes a step toward her. "I'm not saying it'll be easy and sometimes, I'll probably need a push, but… losing you… it was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I don't want to go through it again… so if that's what I need to do to be with you, I'll do it," he promises. "I'll tell you everything you need to know… whatever you want to know… all of it," he vows.

"Okay…" she replies, nodding her head and nibbling on her bottom lip.

"So… where does that leave us?" He wonders.

"I… I don't know," she admits.

"Okay," he responds, nodding his head in understanding. The last thing he wants to do is push too hard. "Maybe… maybe we can talk in the morning?" He suggests. "I could pick you up and we could get some breakfast… and… and we'll talk," he proposes.

"Okay," she agrees, still a little shocked by tonight's turn of events. This is everything she's wanted since he left her in that parking lot and well, now that it's happening, it feels so surreal.

"Okay," he responds with a nod. "So… I'll see you in the morning?"

"Sam… you don't have to leave," she offers before she even realizes the words are leaving her mouth. He's obviously surprised and he can see that she is, too, so he just stays silent as he watches her work through whatever's going through her mind. "I uh… I mean… unless you want to," she adds eventually.

"No, I don't want to," he says while slowly inching a bit closer. "I definitely don't want to," he assures her.

"Okay… good," she replies, awkwardly. "I uh… I was just about to go to bed," she says as she gestures down towards the pajamas she's wearing. "Do you… do you want to stay?" She asks. "Just to sleep," she quickly adds.

And honestly, there isn't much he'd like more.

"Yeah," he confirms, nodding his head.

A smile briefly crosses her lips before she reaches for his hand. "Okay, c'mon," she says as she takes it and leads him towards her bedroom.

And feeling her hand in his… well, he just can't help but squeeze it for a moment, as if he's checking to make sure he's actually holding it. And as soon as he does, she glances back at him with a small smile and squeezes right back.

Once they make it to her bedroom, the next few minutes are spent changing and brushing their teeth. And when Andy opens a drawer in the bathroom and pulls out an old toothbrush he left there, he can't help but smile. The fact that she kept it, it makes him happier than a toothbrush should make anyone.

After she gets under the covers, he slides in beside her, careful to give her some space. He just doesn't want to expect too much. He wants to give her whatever time she needs to get comfortable with him again. Truthfully, this night has gone so much better than he ever could've hoped for, he can definitely survive spending the night on his side of the bed.

But then, as if she's reading his thoughts, she slides closer to him until she's right by his side. And then, she lifts his arm and snuggles right up against his chest, just like she used to.

After a year without her, he's finally got her in his arms again and the feeling is indescribable. He pulls her closer and kisses the top of her head before resting against his pillow.

Yeah, for the first time in a year, he's actually happy.

==============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==============

The next morning, he wakes up to the most beautiful sight imaginable – Andy lying in his arms, smiling up at him. And the moment their eyes meet, he can't help but grin back at her.

It's like he had forced himself to forget how incredible it is to wake up like this… her smile lighting up the room, her bedhead spread across the pillows, her legs tangled with his, her voice softly coaxing him awake.

He's really not sure how he survived so many mornings without her in his bed… or how he ever thought he could make it through the rest of his life, not waking up to this.

Yeah, he was an idiot.

"Hey," she greets him, beaming up at him.

"Hey," he replies, flashing a smile of his own.

"Sleep well?" She wonders.

"Better than I have in a _long_ time," he tells her.

"Me too," she agrees.

"I really missed you," he admits as he pushes some hair behind her ear and allows his fingers to linger.

"I missed you, too," she says.

He smiles in response before a brief silence falls over them as they continue to just look at each other, unsure what to say next.

"So… is it too early to start that talk?" He wonders. "You need some coffee first?" He assumes.

"Mm… kindda," she admits with a sheepish smile. "But I _really_ don't wanna get out of bed yet," she adds as her grip on him tightens and she rests her forehead against his chest.

"You stay here, I'll go make a pot," he offers.

"I don't want _you_ to get out of bed either," she quips, playfully.

Responding with a chuckle, he pulls her closer and kisses the top of her head. "Okay… we can talk later," he suggests. If she wants to stay in bed, he's definitely not gonna argue. He hasn't held her like this in way too long and he's going to enjoy every single second of it.

"No, go ahead," she decides. "Let's talk," she tells him as she lifts her chin to catch his eye.

"You sure?" He asks. "It can wait, if you want," he offers.

"No, I don't want to wait," she assures him. "We have to be at the station by noon and we do have a lot to talk about… should probably get started," she reasons.

"Okay…" he nods his head, trying to organize his thoughts. "Well, I… like I was saying last night… I know what a huge mistake I made walking away from us and… and I just want you to know that I regret every single second of this past year," he tells her. "And I just… I can't not have you in my life… not unless I'm okay with being completely miserable," he adds. "You are the one person I care about most and I know I've made so many mistakes when it comes to us, but I promise you that I'll never make them again," he vows. "All I want is to be with you… to have another chance… I promise you, I won't screw it up this time."

"Sam," she begins, as she sits up and lets out an uneasy breath. "I want that, too, but… but, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified of trying this again," she divulges.

"I know… I'm scared, too," he confesses.

"What are _you_ afraid of?" She asks, curiously.

"So many things," he admits. "I'm afraid that, no matter how hard I try, it won't be enough… I'm afraid that someday you'll wake up and realize you deserve so much better than me… I'm afraid that I'll let you in and I'll tell you everything and then… then you'll realize how truly messed up I am and that maybe… maybe I'm not the man you thought I was," he tells her before sucking in some air. "But none of that is enough to stop me from trying," he promises. "Because what scares me more than all of that other stuff is the idea that I might never get a second chance… that I might lose you for good… that's what I'm _really_ afraid of," he says as his fingers skim down her back.

"Wow… Sam…" she says, more than surprised by his admission. "I… I just… I didn't know you felt like that," she adds.

"I know," he responds, briefly averting his eyes. "I never told you," he reminds her. "But I'm trying to do better," he adds, earning a smile from the woman lying next to him. "So… what are _you_ afraid of?" He asks, moments later.

"I'm afraid… that history will repeat itself… that something bad will happen and you'll shut me out and I'll get hurt again… that we'll get back together and I'll be insanely happy and then you'll suddenly remember all of the reasons you had for breaking up with me before and they'll all make sense again," she explains as she stares down at his chest while drawing patterns on his chest.

"Andy… what happened before… I know it's cliché, but it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me," he assures her.

"What do you mean?" She questions.

"I didn't break up with you because of something you did or because I didn't want to be with you or because there were things about you I didn't like… I ended things because I was… I was terrified of my feelings for you and I guess I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt… which I know is ridiculous, but I… I wasn't really thinking clearly back then," he admits before he brushes some hair out of her face. "I just want you to know that, even though I'm still scared, I'm done letting that get between us," he promises. "I'm gonna do everything I can to stop being in my head so much… I'm gonna let you in… I'm going to tell you anything you want to know… and if you still want to meet my family, I will make sure that happens," he vows. "You… you are all I want… and I meant it when I said I'd do whatever it takes."

The next few moments are spent in silence, with him holding his breath and her just staring at him, seemingly trying to organize her thoughts.

"Okay," she says, slowly nodding her head.

"Okay?" He asks, not exactly sure what that means.

"Sam… I _do_ want to be with you… I mean, as terrified as I am, I know I would regret it if I didn't give us another shot," she explains. "But I think, we should take it slow," she suggests. "There's still a lot we need to talk about."

"We can take it as slow as you want," he promises. "And whatever you want to talk about, I will talk about… I mean it, anything you want," he assures her.

"Okay, then… can I ask you something?" She questions.

"Of course," he replies.

"Do you… do you still blame me for Jerry's death?" She questions, before she can talk herself out of it.

He immediately tenses at her words, but tries his best to calm himself. "I never blamed you for Jerry's death," he replies.

"It seemed like you did," she responds, trying to keep her voice soft and sympathetic.

"No," he denies. "I blamed myself… and I was just… I was taking it out on you… which I know wasn't fair," he apologizes.

"Why would you blame yourself?" She probes.

"Because I… I let my feelings for you cloud my judgment… because you were always my first concern, my top priority," he explains. "That day… you were my main focus… and, I don't know… I guess at the time, I felt like… if I had just been objective… if I had been focused on the job instead of just worrying about you… Jerry would still be alive," he tells her.

"Sam…" she begins as she frames his jaw with her hand. "I wish you would've told me that," she says. "Jerry's death… it wasn't your fault," she promises.

"I know," he says, nodding his head. "And it wasn't yours, either," he stresses. "I'm sorry that I made it seem like I was blaming you," he apologizes. "I was just angry… at myself… at the situation… not at you," he promises. "Even if it seemed like I was."

"It's okay," she assures him. "I know you were going through a lot."

"Yeah… but I should've just talked to you about it," he muses. "It's just… back then, I didn't know how," he explains.

"I get it," she says. "But… in the future… you can't shut me out, okay?" She asks.

"I won't," he promises.

And he means it – more than anything.

This time, he is truly not letting her go without a fight.

==============COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS==============

I hope you enjoyed this semi-angsty chapter. I feel like Sam is someone who is very hard on himself, so I think this is the kind of stuff that was running through his mind during the hell that was season four.


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